Leaving my Ob - advice?

JCM083009 · March 2009

I made the call to get an appointment w/ a midwife this morning. I am making the switch. THey could get me in 2 weeks after my big u/s (which is in 1 week) so I thought that was perfect timing.

So I am still going to my current Ob for my big u/s and that should be my last appointment w/ them baring anything crazy happening.

The problem is... I really DO like my Ob a lot and I LOVE her nurse and the woman who takes my blood (I know, that's silly, but she's the only person who can get my blood fast and w/out me passing out and we have infertility in common, I'veloaned her books, etc).

When would you bring it up and how? I want to have them send my records before my new appointment so I feel as though I need to talk to them at my big u/s next week. I don't want them to feel bad b/c it's nothing to do w/ them.. I'd be leaving any Ob. Will they treat me differently (not care as much) if I tell them before we go over the results (same day, right after u/s)? I feel almost guilty going in for an appointment like that and at the end saying "oh by the way...peace out...".

Any good advice or thoughts?

meghadeath · March 2009

I switched from an OB to a midwife as well. My situation was a bit different because I actually hated my OB, but in any event, I did not tell them in advance. I went in on a Friday for my 12 week appointment, and then that Monday I called and asked to have my records transferred. I don't think there's any need to tell the doctor personally.

IselaCid · March 2009

I just requested a copy of my records from the records department, I didn't even have to talk to my nurse or OB about getting my records. Then I went to my first appoinment with the midwives with records in hand, they copied them and let me keep the og copies. I then called my OB and canceled any future appointments. It's a really large practice, so I doubt they even noticed I was gone.

If yours is smaller and you have to tell them, just tell them the truth. You love them but are looking for a different experience. But wait until the end of your last appointment to avoid any awkwardness

SallySunrise · March 2009

You're just leaving because you want to use a midwife, right?

If I were you, I'd ask your Ob how she feels about you also seeing a midwife. Why do you have to drop your Ob? Many will work as a team with midwives. In fact, mine has one on her staff and I get to enjoy the perks of both kinds of care. Just something to consider if you really do love your Ob as much as it seems.

M+K=3 · March 2009

I'm sure that they won't take it personally. A lot of women make the decision to go with a midwife. I'm sure you aren't the first that has left their practice for that reason. Besides, won't you still need them as back up in case you end up needing more medical expertise than a midwife? Sorry, i'm not sure how that works. In short, don't worry about. Sometimes we take things personally that need not be personal.

Brittany Goldman · March 2009

I am kind of in a similar boat right now. I am currently getting concurrent care from both a licensed midwife who will be doing my home birth and a CNM at an ob's office. I want to stop seeing the CNM. No offense to her, but I have no intentions of having her deliver my baby in a hospital, I don't like all the tests and screenings they push on you even if it has nothing to do with your specific pregnancy, and I have had to wait over an hour to see her at more than one appointment. Over it! I'm trying to figure out how to bow out gracefully, too. In your case, I didn't even see the CNM during my big u/s. They just checked me in and I saw the u/s tech I had never seen before. So you might not even see your OB at that appointment unless they were there for something specific. I think it depends on whether or not you want to say good bye. Otherwise, you could probably have your u/s then just call a week later and get all your records sent to your midwife and not have to deal face to face with any of them. I think I am just going to tell the CNM at my appt on April 1 that this will be my last and I have decided firmly on a home birth.

JCM083009 · March 2009

Thanks everyone. THe original plan was to just call for my records (like many of you said), but my Ob was so sweet and supportive (and happy for us) when I got pregnant (as a new patient to her) that I feel like I at least owe her a goodbye. I wouldn't want them to think I left for any other reason than I am stupid and should have chosen a MW to begin with. haha

As for needing them as back up - the MW practice I am using delivers in a hospital (different one than current ob) and has an Ob/gyn they work w/ for emergencies, so I will have that "backup", but won't need my current Ob for that.

HeyyRed · March 2009

Why don't you tell your OB that you've had the opportunity to use a midwife presented to you, you've researched it and that this fits better with the birth plan that you envision for your delivery. ?Doctors understand that midwifery is more than just about the delivery and it's full pre-natal care so I'm sure she will understand etc.

I would then follow up with sending some flowers for the office and perhaps some treats of some kind and include a personal note to each individual that has made a difference in your care as well as a group note to let them know that you have appreciated the care they gave you and that you wouldn't hesitate to refer a friend or loved one to the practice should they ever be looking for an OB.

I think following it up with a personalized something will make them feel like they did make a difference, which must be uplifting in that line of work. Very few people actually take the time to express this.?

Manderlin923 · March 2009

I'm in a very similar situation so I sympathize with your dilemma. I too really like my obgyn but am leaving for a midwife. i will see my ob one more time (for my big us) and then that's it... I am debating how to tell her too but I think something along the lines of this:

"Because of our strong beliefs, we have decided to go with a midwife at a birth center. I hope you don't take it personally because you've been great and I've received nothing but excellent care from everyone at this practice, but this is something we feel very strongly about and are very excited for. I look forward to seeing you for my appointments once I have the baby and hope I can count on you in case of an emergency."

I'd keep it short but sweet. They are professionals and hopefully will take it professionally. Good luck!!!

bensuswed · March 2009

I just made that call today! My OB is great, but the hospital she delivers at is not very conducive to natural births - very high c-section rate, 95% epidural rate, and I just haven't been very comfortable with what I've heard about it so far. I just told my OB that I had some concerns about delivering at that hospital, and wished that she could deliver elsewhere, but since she can't, I was looking into other options. She was very understanding, and actually said - "I completely understand, and to be honest, I used a midwife when I delivered my babies - it's a very personal choice, and I respect your decision". Like I said, she's great! I'll continue seeing her for my yearly exams etc, just wasn't the right fit for this pregnancy/delivery. I would just be honest and explain your reasoning and I'm sure your OB will understand!

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