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well, today was a bust

redshoegirlredshoegirl member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I had Thursday and Friday off, so I decided to try going into work today. I made it to noon before I pretty much had a total breakdown. Luckily there was just me and my supervisor (who is also a friend and knows what's going on) there at the time. So I've come home at lunchtime instead of staying at work the rest of the day. We've also agreed that I'll just come in for the evening shift (5-7pm) tomorrow as well, and then see how things are on Wed, whether I go for a full day, part day, or just stay home. I thought maybe things would be OK today, and I'm trying to get back to normal, but I guess it's just too soon still. Sad
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Re: well, today was a bust

  • DrDPMDrDPM member
    I'm so sorry! I'm glad you have a supportive friend/boss who's being so great.  Take your time, and definitely don't force yourself to do too much, too soon.  Tomorrow is my first day back to work; all the other docs are male, so I'm not sure how it's going to go.  Take care of yourself today (it's Monday where you are, right?); watch some bad TV and indulge in your favorite treats - whatever seems to help.  If there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to ask. I haven't slept since my m/c, so I'll be lurking for a while.  Take care; sending hugs your way.  Left Hug
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  • redshoegirlredshoegirl member

    Yup, it's Monday here. Thanks for the encouragement...I know this will probably sound stupid, but I never expected this to be SO hard. It's just so overwhelming, bursting into tears for no apparent reason.

    And THIS really didn't help today either. Sad

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  • amoureuxamoureux

    The random tears are great aren't they?   I did that too and I almost never cry.

     It is a double whammy -- your hormone levels just dramatically plumeted which makes you emotional plus of course the whole emotional aspect of the loss.

    I think I said in a post the otherday, beware the random tears in the car because of some song you never even liked anyways....

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  • DrDPMDrDPM member
    Sweetie, I'm so sorry.  Don't ever think that you sound stupid.  This is the hardest, most awful thing to have to go through. I sometimes feel like I'm in quicksand.  I think I'm doing okay to stay above the surface, but then I start to sink back down.  I have moments when I feel ok, but then I feel guilty for feeling that way, and start to cry.  I have a feeling the outburts will happen for a while, and then (hopefully) start to happen fewer and fewer.  I'm sure seeing all the books only added to the hurt. Have your husband put them somewhere safe, and out of sight.  When you're ready for them (and you will be again), they'll be there.  Keep talking through it if it helps. We all here for you.
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  • Mrs.EmmaLouiseMrs.EmmaLouise member

    First- Your pregosaures blog picture is super cute.  I might steal it.  Second- I bought the book my boys can swim for DH, and he loved it.  IR ead it to, super cute.

    Now, I would pack them away and hide those books, if I was you.  I had my pregnancy books on my nightstand and would read a little each night.  They stayed on my nightstand for a week post m/c, and I would cry everytime I saw them.  DH finally hid them from me, and it helped alot.  Don't hide them too hard, you will be needing them very soon again.

    Im sorry that you had a breakdown at work, trust me we have all been there.  I am glad that you have an understaning boss.  Take all the time you need, there is no rush to get back to normal.  I cried alot with my m/c, and the second I started crying, I would get mad at my self for crying- or being weak, and cry harder.  Try not to do that, its a viscous cycle. 

    I hope that your vacation will help relax you, or atleast keep your mind of things for a while.  We are all here for you  ((BIG HUGS))

    ***** TTCAL/Forever Buddy to Cour10e******
    -m/c at 11w2d due to partial molar 2008 -m/c #2 2009
    Beautiful daughter born February 2011
    image
    **Ultimate TTCALer 2009**

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • redshoegirlredshoegirl member

    Thanks ladies...my bosses have been so nice and understanding, I'm really grateful to them. DH hid the books away somewhere when he got home - I don't even know where they are.

    I'm so glad we're going away next week...I really want to get away from everything. I know I can't escape this just like that (since it's the kind of thing that travels with you), but at least all the everyday stresses will be removed.

    Oh and thanks for the compliment, Emma. Smile I had fun drawing the pregosaur - she makes me smile every time Iook at her!

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  • dkfitz07dkfitz07
    imageredshoegirl:

    I know this will probably sound stupid, but I never expected this to be SO hard. It's just so overwhelming, bursting into tears for no apparent reason.

    I know exactly how you feel. I guess I was naive.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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