Friends fiance is huge a-hole. Long vent!

Manderlin923 · March 2009

Let me apologize because this is very long! My friend L, My friend M and her fiance and me and DH were out after dinner at a cool non-smoking bar. I was busily sipping juice, they were all drinking but I was having such a good time and nobody was like super drunk. L was a little tipsy but she'd JUST gotten dumped on Monday so it was expected.

Then the subject of bachelorette party comes up and what we are doing and we were joking and mr. fiance was freaking out because they want a joined party. And me and L were like, that's fine but we're also going to do a separate one for just us girls. And he exploded, told L to shut the f up, that he didn't want penises at her party and it's not about what we want it's about what they want, blah blah. We all just were staring at him and finally m was like, don't tell my friend that and he kept going off! I didn't know what to say. I can't even describe everything just that he was so angry it scared me and it made me really upset. L started crying because she's like, "we just want to do something fun just us girls, i never said we had to do strippers or anything like that" fyi there aren't even male strippers in this town! and he's like yeah you did. he was such an a-hole.Then she's like I'm maid of honor what's my job? I can't do a shower (m doesn't want one) i can't plan a party. what am i doing? and then m says well you don't have to be moh and then makes L cry even more. Really? A few days after being dumped she pulls this on her?

fyi This isn't the first time i've seen him blow up at somebody. He did it once before to a female stripper (ironic? seriously though, we are not all about the strippers lol) when she slapped his stomach jokingly he told her to f off, f you, you f-ing bi*** and that time too it freaked me out. It's like he loses control when he's been drinking and has no respect for women whether it's a stripper or his fiance's best friend.

I still hadn't recieved an apology for the way he yelled at me and L hadn't either when we left. Our friend was like, i'm not the bad guy. No, but you let him talk to your friends that way and all we heard was a feeble "don't tell my friend to shut the f up. that's not nice." ???? seriously???

DH would NEVER, no matter how drunk, say those things to a friend of mine no matter what they did and certainly not over something so trivial. I don't even want to talk to M for a while now because what can i possible say about it? Um, I can't stand your fiance. I think he's posessive, controlling, has a terrible temper, is a bad drunk and is disrespectful not to mention incredibly immature (this man is almost 30)??? What should I say when we talk? what would you do in this situation? I had to leave the table because otherwise I was going to go off on him and then he would have bitched at me and then DH would have defended me and it probably would have gotten ugly.

UGH- seriously what should I do? I am standing up in their freaking wedding. Yeah, sounds fun now.

volleydiva · March 2009

OMG I don't even know what to say! What a freaking A$$! I hope it works out, but unfortunately I don't have any advice, your friend is in for a serious emotional roller coaster if she does marry this freak! Good luck not throat punching him if you have to see him again.

Josh & Calendi · March 2009

Wow. I don't know what I would do either.....

JasonsMauiMama · March 2009

Manderlin923:

Then she's like I'm maid of honor what's my job? I can't do a shower (m doesn't want one) i can't plan a party. what am i doing? and then m says well you don't have to be moh and then makes L cry even more. Really? A few days after being dumped she pulls this on her?

Our friend was like, i'm not the bad guy. No, but you let him talk to your friends that way and all we heard was a feeble "don't tell my friend to shut the f up. that's not nice." ???? seriously???

What should I say when we talk?

It's a bit scary that M sided with her FI as he was berating and swearing at L. When you talk to her, ask a lot of open-ended "why's" about HER behavior. Don't make it about FI, because she'll just defend him. And don't point fingers at her either. Just ask why. Maybe in explaining her OWN behavior, she'll reach the end of whatever rationalizations she has in her head.

She's in a relationship with an emotionally abusive man. She needs good friends around her, even if she's not able to be one in return.

NewLerma · March 2009

Ok real quick cuz i'm tired...but this has happened to me and it happened to my friend. You will never make her see what a pr*ck he is, but you HAVE to tell her that it's unacceptable for him to speak to you and her friends in that regard. You may actually lose her for it, but could you really sit by the whole time and stand up in their wedding when you hate him? Because you have to hate him lol, I do and I don't even know him! She will always take his side, and just say "Honey be nice" it's a really sh*tty situation. But the faster you get it out of the way, the less hurtful things will be said becuase if you let it fester in you you're gonna blow!

MrandMrsAndrews · March 2009

volleydiva:
OMG I don't even know what to say!? What a freaking A$$!? I hope it works out, but unfortunately I don't have any advice, your friend is in for a serious emotional roller coaster if she does marry this freak!? Good luck not throat punching him if you have to see him again.?

My thoughts exactly-she is in for a rude awakening unfortunately. ?But people have to make their own mistakes...?

fluffybear · March 2009

Wow, that fiance is a jacka**. I would have a serious talk with your friend and simply say that the fiance's behavior was unacceptable and that you refuse to be treated that way again.

Manderlin923 · March 2009

Thanks girls!

I know I will talk to her soon and try to explain things calmly and tell her exactly that- it was unnacceptable.

Still can't believe that happened though.

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