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2nd Trimester
Still not coming around...
So I wrote a post on Tuesday about how we had just found out that I'm having a little girl and that my DH was disappointed. Well its now Friday and he still thinks there is a chance it could be a boy. We have a detailed u/s on the 1st but I don't think anything will change. Should I give the DH some space and just not talk about having a little girl? I know he'll be fine but I just don't want to be happy about this by myself for the time being. Any suggestions on how to make DH feel better?? TIA
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Re: Still not coming around...
1st of all, I love the name Jillian! So cute. Secondly, I would have a heart to heart with him and ask him what it is that is bothering him about having a girl? Maybe he doesn't think he can be a good dad to a girl, maybe he is affraid of the teenage years, etc... I would just be mature and ask him what is going on. Like it or not, there is probably a little girl on her way and I think waiting to find the real problem just makes things worse?
Best of luck!
I would be irate. If my husband acted like that I would literally murder him. What is he thinking? He's not happy his baby is healthy? He doesn't want to walk his little girl down the isle to get married? I don't understand when guys are like this. I think they feel less "manly" when they "make" a girl.
I hope he comes around. I would go with the silent treatment for as long as needed.
For about a week after we found out we were having a girl my husband would say "they think we're having a girl" It got better and then we had to have a amnio due to a negative screen and the gender is given then also. They said it was definitely a girl, my husband was still like, are they really sure? I don't actually think my husband was upset so much as the family name stops with him and his brother so there is some slight pressure to have a boy. The entire family is just glad the amnio came out clean and that she is healthy.
Just give him some time and he'll be good with it. I think most guys want to have a boy, its genetic.
If that was my Dh he would hear it from me for sure. You may want to remind him that this baby is healthy and that is all that matters. So many people have very sick babies or babies that do not make it at all and he seems extremely immature in this situation. He is the father of this child so he needs to man up and knock off this non sense. Sorry if that was harsh but the babies sex should be a non issue.
** Anyone remember the Ricky Lake show? I remeber she had an episode once about men who only wanted sons and blamed their wives.....
I think it's somewhat of a common reaction for men to be disappointed by not having a little boy. My hubby was a little bummed at first, but he's really started to come around. Tell him that you need him to be excited for the fact that you're having a healthy baby, and that his disappointment is hurtful (even though I'm sure he doesn't mean it that way.)
I was initially upset at my DH's reaction, but when I told him point blank how excited I was, and that I needed to know that he was excited too, his attitude completely changed.
He's now all excited about picking out her name and taking her fishing (DH is a dork!) and his disappointment is 100% gone.
Yeah, give him space. I'm sure he'll come around, in time.
While very excited about our healthy boy, I occasionaly think of some of the girl things we'll miss out on, at least this time around. Completely irrational and pointless, I know, but normal.
I have to be honest. I find it offensive that in this day and age that people would pout or be disappointed because of the gender let alone a man who is responsible for said gender selection... 'cause it's all their doing.
There are people out there that would give anything to just have a healthy baby. PERIOD.
Suck it up, get the hell over it and stop being a whiny selfish... I won't finish this sentence insert own derogatory comment here.?
Ditto this. He is being selfish and immature. Don't tiptoe around the issue to make HIM feel better. Tell him to get the hell over it and be happy and thankful that his child is healthy. Perhaps refer him to this morning's post about the mom who lost her child at 20 weeks and how thankful she was that she got to hold him for a few minutes before he passed. He could have much bigger problems right now.
I know there are lots of reasons men want boys--the idea of carrying on the name is a big thing but sports and hobbies are another one. If that is the case, remind him that girls can go fishing and hunting, and play ball and drive race cars.
I always joke that I am the first born child of a man that wanted a boy. My dad is a big outdoorsman and a great athlete and we grew up on a farm. My sister and I were 6 and 7 before my lil brother ever came along. I hung out with him on the farm and there wasn't a fence that he fixed that I wasn't standing next to him holding his tools. He took us fishing and we played basketball and baseball (our town didn't have girl's leagues so we just played on the boys teams) The funny thing was, when my brother came along, he didn't like sports and never played them (he is an outdoorsman though and they hunt and fish together.)
What are the reasons he really wanted a boy? If it was so they could do activities together, let him see that girls can do most of those same activities too. If he's dreamed of having a son so he could coach his soccer team or so they can go to football games together, help him see that he can do all those same activities with a daughter.
He's probably dealing with mixed emotions, sad because he really wants a boy, but guilty because he should be just as happy with a girl. Give him some time and maybe go shopping for some stuff for the baby like her first baseball glove or her first camo outfit, or a baby jersey from his favorite sports team.
PS--I never once felt like my dad was disappointed that he had daughters. He came to my ballet recitals just like he came to my basketball games. Your DH will be the same way.
I'm glad you mentioned the kick to the groin. I think he more than deserves it and by all MEANS please let him read that I said that.
I grew up in a family where my grandmother was an only child and my great grandfather only wanted boys. They named my grama Olive but he then nicknamed her Bobby because he wanted her to be a boy. They never had more kids.
My grandmother has imposed a boys are superior rule within my family. No matter what they did, my father and my brother were always in the right. Seriously. They could have murdered someone and my grandmother would have blamed me for not helping them cover it up. I kid you not. To this day, our family has been ruined by the dynamics that this boys >girls rule. I no longer have a relationship with my grandparents or my father as a result.
So, you think he may come around, and that he may, but cuff him up side the head and remind him that your little girl is blameless in all of this and that he needs to get on the bus or be left behind. I will happily send a copy of this to him if you so desire.?
We all need brutally honest friends like you..LOL. Thanks for that
I'm having a shiity day so this may come off super harsh
Tell him to get the fvck over it. Does he think that if he pouts and cries like a fvcking toddler that it's going to change the sex of the baby? How selfish!! And he's going to feel like a big bag of dog shiit when he see's his daughter for the first time and realizes that he loves her more than he thought possible. He will have so much guilt over acting like a total twat. He needs to get his head out of his asss and be grateful for a healthy daughter...he's being so ungrateful for this blessing.
Thanks...I agree....Whatever you guys say...is what I would like to say to him. So don't tip toe around me...I'm not the one who's being an ungrateful a$$....
Tell him to get over it - like pp said you are blessed to have a healthy baby, period - and make sure he is clear that your baby is a girl - they don't "think" it's a girl. I can't believe how many people think that you get "it's a girl" just because there's no penis on the ultrasound. My tech pointed out a very clear shot of my LO's labia - there's no mistaking that we're having a girl, it's not just the "default" gender classification for ultrasounds.
Give him some space. When we found out this baby is a girl (already have a daughter) we were both in a bit of denial even though it was via DNA testing. We were so hoping for a boy, it's our last baby, DH is an only child and his mom remarried (never met his birth-dad) so he is the only one with the last name now.
We both just want the baby to be healthy but we're a bit bummed and are having a heck of a time coming up with a girl name because when we picked DD's name it was the only one we wanted, we didn't have any runner-ups so we now feel like we are settling instead of "loving" the name. I'm sure we will get over it as will your DH.