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TTC after 35
Heather and Mark | Lanikuhonua 8-14-08
Vent: AF just arrived - crying my eyes out
I was so excited today because AF was a day late so I was excited to test tomorrow morning. But I just went to the bathroom and she's here. We've been trying for 8 mos now, two of those months I've been in Clomid (unmonitored) because I have low progesterone. My husband's SA isn't back yet. I'm 40 so our insurance doesn't cover ANYTHING IF related. We would have to pay OOP beyond b/w just to figure out what if anything is going on. I don't want to do a 3rd cycle of unmonitored clomid.
I'm so sad and frustrated right now...I just want to go home and crawl into bed. I'm sorry if I sound like a puss. I know many of you have had much bigger disappointments for much longer than me. I admire you for your courage and persistance TTC. I don't know if I'm built to continue this pregnancy quest. Its just so heartbreaking everytime. Doesn't help that 60% of my friends are pregnant or just had a baby. Next month I'm flying to SF for one of my best friend's baby showers and its so hard for me to be happy for her. That sounds so selfish and horrible. I feel like a rotten person.
Thanks for letting me vent. I can't believe I tried to avoid pregnanacy for 38 years...guess I shouldn't have.
Heather and Mark | Lanikuhonua 8-14-08This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent: AF just arrived - crying my eyes out
<<<Hugs>>> I'm so sorry! It is so disppointing when she arrives. I am just starting cycle #4 and I am so surprised at how emotionally difficult this has been so far. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this! I feel obsessive and depressed a lot and that is not common for me. (Ok, the obsessive part is par for the course, but not the depression). Also, you are not a rotten person for feeling like you do about your pregnant friends. I am sure we all feel like that at some point. I know I do! Hang in there.
What is this about your insurance not covering anything because you are 40? I have not heard of such a thing. Is this common? It seems like age discrimination to me.
That AF is a wench hey? Geez I am sorry to hear. YOU ARE NOT a rotten person, you are feeling something quite natural given your experience. I hope you feel a bit better later on today. Dont' give up.
xxxx
PS; Absolutely stunning wedding pic, btw.
Thank you Holly for hugs and making me feel normal. I too was surprised at this TTC rollarcoaster ride. Add Clomid to the mix and you feel like you're on a BAD amusement park ride that won't end.
Anyway to answer your questions about my insurance. Unbeknownst to me Connecticut has a state mandate the isurers have to provide IF coverage for women under 40. So they do....but ONLY for those under 40. I didn't find this out until Jan 2009...my birthday is December 30th....
Vent away! Your story is our story. We have all been through this let down. You are NOT a rotten person. Nobody truly understands what we go through unless they experience it themselves. We are here for YOU....I hope you feel better soon.
Oh no! I can't believe you found out about it right after your birthday. I really think this age limit is very unfair.
((((((hugs)))))
As someone else wrote, give or take a few details, I could have written your post. I think most of us could.
I never expected TTC to be such an emotional experience. I'm 39, and this is Cycle #4 for us. I figured going in that if I didn't get pregnant after a year, I would be very, very sad. But I was blindsided by how sad stupid ole AF makes me each month.
Remember that you are not alone in this.
And remember that plenty of us "older" women get pregnant.
And that it can take some time even if nothing is wrong - regardless of age.
I hope you get your BFP soon. Connecticut law be damned!