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Stay at Home Moms
Question, and maybe a touch of a vent...
I have a quick question for the mommies with more than one little one.
How long did you wait before having another baby? My DS is 3.5 months, and I really want to have another one kinda soon so that they will be close in age, both in diapers, etc., but DH is balking at the idea. His reasoning is that having another would be a huge strain on our lives, but I feel that another would enrich it. I understand that we both should be on board, but I also think that since I'm the one who would have to carry the baby and stay home with him/her, I should have a wee bit more say. Maybe I'm being immature with that logic, but it's how I feel.
I find it funny though that when it's time for "grownup" play time, he wants to *** and moan about wearing condoms...ugh.
Did anyone else encounter this problem?
Thanks oodles!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Question, and maybe a touch of a vent...
Well, I don't have more than one yet, but I'm sorry that you are having this trouble. I know it seems like since you're doing all the daily "work" that it should kind of be your say, but I'm sure if you sat back and looked at things objectively you'd realize that it affects your DH's life a lot too
DH and I have tentative plans to start trying again when DS turns 1, but I do worry that it will be incredibly stressful, like your DH does. There are a few moms on the 0-6 and 6-12 boards with 2 under 2 and it sounds like it's really, really hard. That's not to say you shouldn't do it, but just that your DH might have a good point.
When you talk about this do you kind of validate his feelings and consider his views too? Maybe he'd be more willing to compromise if he felt like you were really listening to him. (not to say that you aren't - and I hope that you don't take offense to any of my post because I totally don't mean it that way
)
ETA: Also, yay Kentwood. DH used to live in Kentwood before we moved to Texas
Mine are 6 years apart, and its freakin EASY! The older one is great for fetching diapers and "babysitting" while I make dinner or something.
I understand having kids close in age though, and in a different life I might have done things that way. Keep in mind though, at 3 months old the baby is pretty easy. In another 3 months you might feel differently. I'd suggest setting a timeframe to enjoy things as they are, then you two agree to talk about it again in 6 months or something.
I would like one more in a year or so, so that they are about 4 years apart (I want DS in pre-school and potty trained first. It works for some but no way do I want two toddlers or two in diapers).
DH right now doesn't want any more. I think he will change his mind when DS is a little older (and not as "terrible 2"-ish) and once the stock market bounces back up (he works in finance so all of this is a big stress)
In my opinion, I err on the side of the person who wants to wait/does not want the other child. Having a baby is so HUGE, and it is a massive disruption, financial responsibiluty, etc etc etc. I know that if DH were to pressure me to have another right now when I am not ready I would really resent him.
I say give it time. I know you want them close but you need to give your DH time.
Ditto this, as well.
I think that I will take the advice given and just put the conversation on the back burner and see where we are in a couple of months...maybe then, hubby will be more receptive to the idea of having another little one!
Thanks again!
HOLLER FOR KENTWOOD! LoL
DH and I both were so scarred by DS that the idea of antoher still makes us shudder 3 years later.
I would resent in the extreme if he was trying to talk me into a baby at any point over the last 3 years. I think you need to look at how you could damage your marriage even if you're right that you'll bear all the downside of a new baby so soon. I suspect your DH feels he gets enough of a downside that it is not worth it to him and that should matter to you.
If you were both crazy enough to want one I'd say more power to you. But I do think that 1 pushing the other is wrong. No matter who is doing the pushing.?
I have a LOT of friends who have done, are doing, or will soon be in the 2 under 2 club. A club of which I do not want to be a member of. I watch another child 2 days a week and I have only left the house w/ both babies (13 months and 18 months) one time- it was hard getting in and out of the car, getting into our friend's house, etc.
My one friend was not able to go to the supermarket w/ both her boys until the youngest was like 6 mo.- her boys are 19 months apart.
I have another friend who is due anyday and her boys will be 15 months apart. The oldest is not walking yet. To me that is going to be super tough, lugging the older boy & a newborn around.
IMO- I think it's really tough to fully "enjoy" both babies and soak it in when they are so close in age but doing different stuff.
My two are two years apart and it is HARD! I was like you in that blissful early stage where I wanted another right away #3....and right now I am sooo glad we decided against it. It is getting a bit easier but not enough to make me want to start trying.
Looking back, I feel like my daughter missed out somewhat. My son was and still is go, go, go and I wasn't able to spend as much one on one time with her as I would have liked. She is my easy baby while my son requires a lot of attention. When they are older, I know I'll be glad that they're close in age but now its hard going out with them. My son is a runner and thats hard when you're holding on to a baby!
We are planning on having baby #3 when our daughter is about 3 years old. By then our son will be in school all day and our daughter will be in preschool a couple mornings a week so I'll get to have time with just the baby.
Good luck! Its a hard decision and I think there is pros and cons with each way. Just do what feels right and it will all work out.
I guess I am the only crazy one. As soon as DD was born I wanted another one. I got pregnant when DD was 5 months old and they are 14 months apart. I got lucky and DS is a very easy baby. I would rather have a "baby stage" all at once rather than every few years. We have all the baby equipment out, nurseries set up, bottles, diapers and sleepless nights. I like the spacing because DD is not jealous of DS and they like the same stuff.
We were crazy enough to do it again. DS and #3 will be 14 or 15 months apart. Good luck in whatever you decide.
We're planning to get pregnant when Jude is around 18 months so the 2 are a little over 2 years apart. It'll work out whatever you do - women have done it for years!
Ours will be a little over 2 years apart. ?( like 28 moths). ?I also wanted mine close together, but I didn't want them to be too close. ?I kind of agree with the PP, at 3 months you have an easy baby. Once they get mobile (LOL) it's a little trickier. ?
I know it's hard, but just be patient & enjoy your baby instead of worrying about having another. ?They will be close!! ??
?
I agree with this too!! I only have one, but right at about when he was 3 months old, I really wanted to start trying for another. I felt this way for a few months but then when DS turning 1 and started walking around, I was so grateful that I didn't have a second baby in my arms. In our house, "No" overrides any "yes" when it comes to big decisions like this.?
My friend is pregnant with her third and is due in November. She will have 3 under 3! Ya'll are crazy! lol
I would like for mine to be 3-4 years apart and we want 3 children. I'm young though so I'd like to be finished when I'm 33-34.?
same here
I don't have any helpful advice nor personal experience but I personally would also like for Emily to be potty-trained and in preschool at least part time before having another baby for similar reasons as the PPs have mentioned.
She is 2 1/2 years old now and, while this is truly the GOLDEN age for us, I still can't imagine being like 5 of my closest girlfriends who have 2 1/2 year olds AND a newborn!!! I see them struggle with the simplest of tasks (i.e. grocery shopping, showering every day, making dinner, etc.) as the two children are on complete opposite nap schedules (which makes them stay at home for a large portion of every day!) and they are constantly making two different "meals" three times a day, which will continue for at least 2 years until the youngest can eat from the table with the rest of the family.
I could go on and on but I don't want my reply to come across as discouraging as each parent has their own, unique experience with additional children so, you just never know how things will work out for you!
I can attest to the fact that your 3 month old IS going to seem incredibly easy right now and that will change with time and age - it's like a rollercoaster ride and each milestone brings about new challenges and they really do require a lot more physical interaction and "work" as they get older.
With all that said, I still think only YOU know when it is right for you and that you will adjust to your new life with two just as all my friends have because, like them, you won't know any different and you will have to just do the best you can. Good luck!!!
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11