Thought I was pulling through well

erinmelissa3 · March 2009

But I guess not. After my m/c several more traumatic events happend in my life, death and a serious illness in the family. I've been feeling really responsible for my m/c, maybe there was something I did wrong, if I had taken better care of myself, if I hadn't drank diet pop before I found out I was pg, or had a drink on new years before I found out I was pg, the list goes on and on. I've been a mess lately, and I can't seem to find my way out. I had a doc appointment and got a referral for a counsler, just waiting on insurance to approve it. Mostly needed to vent, and see if anyone else has been or is in a similar situation.

amoureux · March 2009

You are being very smart to be pro-active and seek some help. It sounds like life has really put you through the wringer lately. I am sure talking to someone will help you find a path out.

In the interim, please remember you did NOTHING that caused the m/c. Diet pop does not cause m/c. If it did, there would be many, many more m/c. Countless women drink diet pop their entire pregnancy.

Having a drink or 10 on New Year's eve did NOTHING to the baby. You were not sharing your bloodstream with the baby yet. It wasn't even implanted yet if your loss was Jan 21st.

It is very normal to feel guilty and wonder if there was anything you had done. After my first m/c at 6.5 wks, I obsessed for some time thinking I had caused it by using our massaging chair cushion once at 5 wks for 10 min. It was the only thing I could think of I did 'wrong' as there are signs on those massaging chairs in malls saying pregnant women shouldn't use them.

Sadly, a high number of pregnancies end in m/c during the first 6 weeks. There is nothing that can be done to prevent the vast majority of them. The only ones that can be prevented are the ones caused by things like clotting disorders or thyroid issues and those are a tiny percentage of the losses.

GL - take it easy on yourself.

Mrs.EmmaLouise · March 2009

I was in your shoes a few months ago, and I am so sorry you are there now. A week after my m/c my family moved from alaska to texas. My sister went to basic training and I couldnt talk to her at all for eight weeks- and shes the one I can always talk to. Another week later I was told I was getting a promotion at work, and then they took it away. Another week later my boss told me it was my fault I had my m/c. After that I found out I had a pmp and could develop cancer. Then I had a u/s and they found a cyst on my ovary that looked cancerous. So many hard things happened all at once.

Everytime something knew would happen my mind automatiaclly went back to the m/c. I couldnt get my mind off it, I was blaming my self, my husband, everyone and everything. I wouldn't talk to anyone at work, and stopped smiling and stopped caring. I would come home from work sit on the sofa, not talk to my husband, and not eat. I didnt want to go anywhere, see anyone, do anything. I went on like this for longer then Id like to admit beofre seeking help.

I went to see a therapist and it helped so much. Just being able to talk to someone was a huge relief. She also prescribed some low dose antidepressants. I would recommend it to anyone who is thinking about it. Im not 100% better, but life ahs changed for the better now. I hope that you are able to see someone to talk to them. If you have any questions for me at all page me or send me a pm. ((BIG HUGS))

elvis_cbw · March 2009

I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. Sounds like you have been going through hell recently. Please don't blame yourself for your m/c. If there was one things the doctors kept repeating to me, its that I didn't do anything to cause me to lose my baby: I am sure you didn't either.

I have had times where I think if I hadn't done certain things maybe things would be different. Hindsight is a terrible thing when it comes to losing a baby. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change the past. You were doing everything right at the time. All you can do is grieve and try to come to terms with what has happened.

I agree with everything Amoreaux said. GL in the future.

Operanne · March 2009

Yeah, me too. My m/c happened when I was incredibly busy, but I thought I was dealing with it until I found myself in a sticky situation w/ my best guy friend when DH was out of town. Gah! I'm an idiot, my friend is a very good person and I have a call in to a therapist who is taking way too long to call back (2 days is feeling like 2 weeks at this point.). I'm really hoping that seeing a counselor for a while will help me get my head on straight ASAP!

jenifer123 · March 2009

I am so sorry you are going through so much in addition to the devastation of losing your little one. I went through a period where I felt responsible for the m/c too (due to other health issues I have), but I keep telling myself that there is nothing I could have done and that its not my fault and I didn't cause this to happen. Just keep repeating it to yourself, it sometimes helps a little bit. ((HUGS))!!

erinmelissa3 · March 2009

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all of your kind words and perspective. I'm hoping I can see this psychologist next week, and in the mean time I'll keep in mind what you all have said here. I am so sorry for all of your losses as well, and just wanted to say that you are all such strong women.

Thanks again.

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