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2nd Trimester
***vml14***
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Re: ***vml14***
Off subject...
How are you feeling???
I'm holding on, for now. Mostly I've got tons of questions that I know very few people can answer, or that are really morbid. Things I want to know to prepare myself. I'm ok with losing the baby, and crazy as it may sound. I want a healthy baby, not one that could be born with only one deformed kidney, if we could manage to get the pregnancy to move along for another month or two. I won't let a child be born with that, not knowing what we know
What I'm not ok with, and what I get upset over right now, are the WHYS. Why now/ I know miscarriage and losing a pregnancy are never easy, btu why now? Why not weeks ago, before I felt kicks, or knew baby could hear me, so I started talking to baby? Before they could really do an autopsy, so that option wasn't available, you know/ Because knowing they can do that and the possibility of geting answers its what is driving our decision.
I'm just MAD. I drove to work today to tie up some loose ends and I blasted the most angry metal music I could find, and i screamed at the top of my lungs.
DH have spent some good time together, and now we're sitting down to eat pizza. it's been my major craving for most of the pregnancy so I figured it was a good treat given the circumstances. Just trying to sort out my head and get things together for tomorrow.
I just replied, and I hope my info helps. Feel free to ask any other questions you think of.... I know how hard it is to not know...
Many hugs. Hang in there.