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Follow Up to Honoring a Loved One

JnJHudJnJHud
in Baby Names

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a question, asking whether anyone had had negative (or maybe less-than-ideal) reactions to using a deceased loved one's name because it was too emotional for people. For example, DH and I plan to use John (or Jane in case of a girl) as a middle name to honor my late father and also his later grandfather. We then tossed around the idea of using John as a first name, but I was worried that it would be hard/emotional for people to use John on such a regular basis.

Long story short, I talked to my mom about it this weekend (she was the one I was most concerned about), and she said she'd have no problem with it whatsoever. She did, however, say that if I'm worried about other fam members, we should stick with using it as a mn.

So 1) thanks to all those who gave me the advice to talk to her and 2) do you think you'd be more prone to keeping it as a mn?

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Re: Follow Up to Honoring a Loved One

  • smismarsmismar
    I'd keep it in the middle.  What she said about other family might have been her diplomatic way of saying she'd prefer it in the middle, too.
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  • LMS05LMS05 member
    Personally I'd use it as a middle name, but Jane and John make great first names too. It's really up to you and your DH.?
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  • 2linesin092linesin09 member

    I would probably use it as the first name still if I felt strongly that it was an honor/tribute.  John/Jane are common names and there are tons of people walking around with those names so it's not like you are shielding anyone from a name they won't be exposed to kwim? If you really want to use the name then I'd say go for it. It's a tribute in memory of and you know? that is a great thing these days.  We ought to have lots more of it! It's not like you are out to hurt anyone or have a bad sentiment.

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  • thenewmrsrussellthenewmrsrussell
    I personally would still use it as a mn but it is all up to you.
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  • Mrs.CarlybellaMrs.Carlybella member
    i would personally wonder if your mom said that as a diplomatic way of saying maybe it would be weird.  But i also think that once the baby is named people would get used to it very quickly and it wouldn't be something that hurt them when they heard the name, it just might be weird at first-  but like PP said, John/Jane are used all the time and doubled up, it is not like it is the only person they ever knew with that name
    EDD with #4  01-20-14
    Proud mama to a boys-  6/17/09 - a girl 2/23/11- and a boy 8/20/12

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  • jettagurljettagurl member

    My son's first name, Benjamin is after my maternal grandfather. ?It was my Grandfather's first name as well. ?I've ?had zero negativity in regards to using it, and it actually made my grandma super emotional when she heard my son's name. ?I was very close to ?that grandfather, and everyone was aware of that. ?He had been deceased about 5 years when my son ?was born. ?I think the factors that play into ppl's reactions are: how long it's been, if anyone was especially close and was hoping to use the name, and how far removed the child is from that person (in terms of generations). ?Also, not saying this is your case, but some people use names in hopes of 'replacing' that person...so make sure you are totally able to separate your emotions. ?I don't' look at my son and think of my grandfather, but someday my son will learn how wonderful of a person my grandfather was, and that I wanted honor him by carrying on the name. ?

    ?good luck! ?

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  • LoriFalceLoriFalce member

    We named Joseph primarily after my late father, as well as my husband's late grandmother Josephine. My dad went by Joe, and we do not use that because it could be hard for me. We don't use Joey because my husband has two cousins named after his grandmother who use it, and he doesn't like either of them. So we use the whole name, and yet it remains distinctly his.

     

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  • momoftessmomoftess member
    I'd use it as a first name if you love it. It's a great way to honour your loved one.
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  • JnJHudJnJHud
    imagejettagurl:

    Also, not saying this is your case, but some people use names in hopes of 'replacing' that person...so make sure you are totally able to separate your emotions.  I don't' look at my son and think of my grandfather, but someday my son will learn how wonderful of a person my grandfather was, and that I wanted honor him by carrying on the name.  

    Good point, although that shouldn't be an issue for me or for my DH because my dad was always "Dad," not John to me. DH's grandfather was "Grampy," not John/Jack to him. But, again, you made a good point. I'll never be able to replace my dad, and I don't want to. I'm purely hoping to honor him and  to make an extra special connection between him and my kids since he died so many years ago.

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