If you had to do it over again....

JenniferTCU · March 2009

Would you have gotten pregnant (if you could have) earlier in life? I thought about this today for quite some time. Since graduating from college, my career was my main focus. I dated a lot of different guys but never cared for any of them. I also was married once before to a great guy...we just shouldn't have gotten married. Anyway, DH and I met two years ago and got married last October. I am so glad that I waited for him as he is an amazing man and everything I've ever wanted in a lifelong partner.

When I was thinking about all of this earlier, I had a few moments of "pregnancy and motherhood would have probably been easier if I had done it earlier in life." But then I kept coming back to the fact that it wouldn't have been because I didn't know DH then.

So in a nutshell, I think it would have been easier if I had done this earlier but I live with no regrets because I know I found the perfect man to have children with. Smile

soontobemomma · March 2009

I think it would be nice for some reasons, but I was just thinking today about how being older has made me appreciate every moment even more. ?I don't wish I was off partying, traveling or doing other things. ?A lot of my friends spent a lot of time away from their young DC's traveling, etc, and I have no desire to do that.

?Funny, DH and I were just talking about this today. ?And same thing you said about your DH, I hadn't even met mine until I was 32, but I am glad about that too. ?Marrying later has its benefits, I couldn't imagine being married to any of the guys I dated in my 20's. ??

laney99 · March 2009

Quite honestly, having children never really crossed my mind that much, until I met my DH. He's so kind + supportive, and comes from an incredible family. You can feel the love in the room when you're around them.

I met him just 10 days after my 30th birthday, and I just knew I'd waited for a reason. Now that we're expecting our first bean, we are so glad to be 'mature' parents to be!

Moiselle · March 2009

No. I would only want children with DH and we met 4 years ago. Maybe we could have gotten pregnant during our first year of marriage. But I think the stability we had during the first 2 years of marriage makes us a stronger couple. And also, we were also able to spoil ourselves before deciding it was time.

I am happy that we travelled and spoiled ourselves for those years. BC now, we do not feel like we sacrificed anything.

funchicken · March 2009

I was lucky enough to get pregnant pretty quickly, and I had a very easy pregnancy despite my advanced maternal age

so for me there's no question. Losing that last 10lbs of baby weight would probably have been easier in my 20s, but that's the only thing that would have been easier. My DH is a great guy and a fantastic father, and I can't imagine having a baby with anyone but him.

ChristineNYC · March 2009

You know, if I had met DH earlier in my life? I don't know that I would have been ready for HIM. My career - wasn't something I really thought I'd want, but it just kind of landed in my lap and started going full speed before i knew it. I am *so* lucky. I've had a fabulous career, that is still going, and I'm having to now manage it carefully to try to balance with my family... which is fine, but if I had done this earlier in my life? I wouldn't have spent time all over the world, learned to speak 3 other languages (not perfectly, but still), not been exposed to half of the things and people and cultures that i've been insanely blessed to have encountered. I think that all of this (amongst other experiences, obviously) have made me ready to be the kind of Mother I wanted to be.

... that's not to say I know what the hell I'm doing... of COURSE I don't..

.. but I can pretend that I do a hell of a lot better! ha!

Honestly- though I thought I wanted to do this earlier in my life when I was younger? I can say without a doubt? No. I wouldn't change a thing if I had to do it over again.

Christine

robynlesley · March 2009

My husband said to me on our first phone conversation (we met online) "Where have you been all my life?" I answered with the town I grew up in. But I'm not sure if we'd have gotten together earlier. He was living in a different area, we would not have met had he not had his divorce finalized the Summer before we met and had I not had a broken engagement.

So since we've only known each other for 2-1/2 years, I wouldn't change a thing. My husband was meant to be "The One" and the father of my child.

If fate had allowed us to meet earlier, the only difference in our lives would be more savings and, possibly, more than one child. We're only planning on having one. As much as I'd love two, I'd want to wait at least 18 months before TTC again and I'm not sure I'll want to have a child at age 41 or 42 (due to chromosomal risks, etc.). But we'll see... our plan isn't written in stone.

eaglesfan700 · March 2009

No way, not in a million years. I got to do so many cool things and had so much fun in my 20's that I can look back and say I honestly have no regrets.

Obviously, not meeting my DH until I was 31 is also a huge factor

Temp159135562506975 · March 2009

Nope! I don't regret anything i did in life- and i'm so glad i had that much time to learn who i am. I have a lot of friends who had kids in their 20s who totally lost themselves in being a mom and a wife- and have no clue who they are, what they like, etc.

not to mention- all of the ones who got married young and then divorced, etc. I would not settle... had a fun time dating and meeting people- and knew when i found dH that he was perfect - and am so happy i waited!!

Samidez · March 2009

Sometimes I think yes...but then I realize how much I've had the opportunity to do, learn & work at. I always thought that I would get to meet my DH before I had to make this choice as a single. But my clock is certainly ticking and I had to either go for it, or spend the rest of my life wishing I had.

I still believe the DH is going to come along so I haven't closed the door on him or anything. I just had to change the order around.

jacksonville2 · March 2009

YES! DH and I were together for ten years, but I did NOT want children (he always did). I finally saw the light, now I'm 38 with a one year old, pregnant with #2...

jennandjt · March 2009

Things would have been easier if I had children before 35....but they certainly would not have been with the man of my dreams and for that I have no regrets!! Every day I thank god that he is in my life and every thing he does/says just reaffirms that I made the right decision in marrying him!! I was 38 when I became pregnant and will be 39 when I deliver....wouldn't change it for the world!!

Puckchick07 · March 2009

I've known my husband for a long time. We even waited 8 years to get married, so I guess I wasn't in too much of a hurry to do anything! We enjoyed each other and traveled and pursued our careers, and did the things we wanted to do. At this time in our life, we are ready to share it with a child. And, we are financially able to provide all I want for my little boy or girl.

If anything, I would only go back a few years. That would give me more of an option to have more children - if I decide I really enjoy this motherhood thing Smile . At my age, I probably only have it in me to have at the most two.

NewMrs07 · March 2009

I wouldn't change anything from my 20s, I was having too much fun and focusing on my career. But I do wish I had started TTC about 5 years ago. By then I had met DH. We have a long engagement (my fault) and I always thought I could postpone pregnancy with no problems. Luckily I'm pregnant but I wish I had started a little earlier just so I wouldn't be so old when our kid is growing up. And we also want to have 2, so the age thing is a little scary.

NewMrs07 · March 2009

That's "we HAD a long engagement".

Pesky · March 2009

Yes and no. Yes because it would be nice to be not quite as old as I will be by the time DD finishes HS, let alone college, and the work load might not be quite so exhausting if I was younger. But no because I wouldn't have met DH by then and also because I think I'm a more patient and honestly better mom than I would've been at a younger age.

JOEBunny · March 2009

No regrets here. I would not have been a good mother in my 20's. I am very happy with my life and the opportunities I have been able to take. I would not give up any of them.

SFAug07 · March 2009

No. I only met DH when I was 35, 3 years ago, and we have been married about 1.5 years. I am glad I didn't marry/have children with any of the men I dated earlier. I am also in the best shape of my life, much fitter than I was 10 years ago. My pregnancy has been super easy and without any issues, and I know I'll be a better mother now than I could have been when I was younger.

busybea · March 2009

Nope, never would have been able to do this earlier in my life, I was too selfish and even though I thought I had found the perfect man (I was engaged before) he turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life.....BUT, if it had not happened I would not be married to my FANTABULOUS husband and we wouldn't be expecting our first child...I am exactly where I want to be right now.

Kandie35 · March 2009

I did both. I had three children and a starter marriage when I was very very young. I loved being a mother and do not regret having them so young. My oldest is going to college in the fall and the other two begin high school. I waited a long time in between and now have an almost four year old and the baby I'm expecting. I love that I did it both ways...young and "advanced maternal age". It's unfortunate that the older ones do not have their parents together but were raised with the same amount of love and they are well adjusted loving human beings. It was SO MUCH EASIER being pregnant when I was younger, but I am far more capable a parent now which can either be from my age or from my years of experience as a parent....maybe both?

goldenprincess · March 2009

DH and I have been together for over 10 years now but only married for 5 years. In hindsight, I wish that we had gotten married sooner and started our family sooner. Since we waited until I was 34 to start TTC, we ended up having IF problems and it has taken us 6 years of TTC have 2 DC.

babyc0608 · March 2009

I agree with most of you....life experience is invaluable. I think of the person who I am today as opposed to at 25....I feel I will have more to offer my child through my experiences....

matt and lori · March 2009

I do wish I were younger - mostly because of the higher risks associated with the advanced maternal age.... but you've got risks at any age I guess. The other thing is, I'd love to have two children, but not sure if there is time for that now - but that's OK too.

I didn't meet DH until I was 36 - we, too, met online - everything's been a whirlwind since then!

I definitely thank God that I did not get pregnant to anyone I dated before - now that I finally see what a good man is really like, it's easy to look back and see that everything really does work out for the best.

EAN · March 2009

Nope. I was 35 when I conceived my DD and I will be 38 when I deliver this one. Once you have kids, your life changes dramatically- everything is all about the kids. My only wish is that my body would bounce back like it did when I was 25!

erosa · March 2009

Theres no way I could've done this earlier, And thinking back I wouldn't want to. That would mean I would be married to someone else or who knows... divorced or something. I found the perfect Husband (for me). I can't imagine who I could've married 5, 10, or 15 years ago. In addition, I did so much during those years... Went to college, travelled to many places, started my career... I am SOOOO ready to just be a mom now... i have NO regrets. i have friends my age with teeange kids who are NOW trying to do the things I did when I was in my twenties. I wouldn't change a thing.

KL777 · March 2009

I had DS at 34 (wow big difference from 35 according to the Dr.'s, yeah right ;-) and I am glad we had DS when we did. I enjoyed my 20's thoroughly and got my education and a good amount of professional work experience out of the way. I was 31 when DH and got married and we "kicked it" our first two years of marriage, developed more as husband and wife, paid off bills, traveled, and had a ball before we had a child. So no, I don't regret any of that.

The only reason why I would've wanted to have a child earlier in life (if DH and I would met earlier and married earlier---but then I'm sure we wouldn't be the wiser people we are today if we did) would be to have a second child earlier in life. Right now, that's one of the reasons I'm skeptical about trying for a second---let alone the daily morning sickness I had! :-)

&& · March 2009

JenniferTCU:

I had a few moments of "pregnancy and motherhood would have probably been easier if I had done it earlier in life." But then I kept coming back to the fact that it wouldn't have been because I didn't know DH then.

So in a nutshell, I think it would have been easier if I had done this earlier but I live with no regrets because I know I found the perfect man to have children with.

completely agree with this....we just got married in April. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. Feel very lucky

Bluesmoothee · March 2009

I had my 1st child at 34 and I'm having my second at going-on-38. Yes, I would like to have started having kids a few years earlier....maybe 28-30. However, I didn't get married until I was 32. It's not like I could have helped that. I am not the type to settle for anyone. Plus, I had a pretty good time in my 20s. I wouldn't have traded that either. So, I don't really think about it too much because there are no decisions in my love-life that I regret.

Even if I had met DH in my 20s and we'd gotten married then, I would have liked to have traveled with him more. There just wasn't time. There's not enough time now. There's never enough damn time!

2linesin09 · March 2009

Bluesmoothee:

I had my 1st child at 34 and I'm having my second at going-on-38. Yes, I would like to have started having kids a few years earlier....maybe 28-30. However, I didn't get married until I was 32. It's not like I could have helped that. I am not the type to settle for anyone. Plus, I had a pretty good time in my 20s. I wouldn't have traded that either. So, I don't really think about it too much because there are no decisions in my love-life that I regret.

Even if I had met DH in my 20s and we'd gotten married then, I would have liked to have traveled with him more. There just wasn't time. There's not enough time now. There's never enough damn time!

<----- this is EXACTLY how I feel !!!!

Mango2 · March 2009

I really don't think so. I had 2 serious relationships before DH (and a lot of fun ones), but with one it would have been a huge mistake if we'd had kids, and the other didn't want children. While I love children, I never felt a need to be a mother, so wasn't in a rush.

DH and I were married 2 years before we got PG with DD. We have both said that we would have loved to have waited another 2 years but time just didn't allow.

I did so many amazing things before becoming a wife and a mother, that my life felt complete as it was. I didn't need a DH and/or children to feel fulfilled but they have definitely made my life fuller than I ever imagined it could be.

I have no regrets about waiting at all. I have so many experiences that make me a better mother (according to me anyway). I don't think I could have done it earlier.

I have one friend who is in her early 40's who has grandbabies. Sometimes I wish I had her freedom and still had the fun of having babies in my life (seriously, how great will grandchildren be if we have them?), but then I can't imagine raising 3 kids in my late teens/early 20's, so wouldn't trade my experience for the world.

fiazo · March 2009

I have been married 6-1/2 years, have been trying to get pregnant about 5 years, so I definitely would have LIKED to be pregnant earlier, HOWEVER, not with anyone else before my husband. SInce meeting him I feel like I became a woman (crazy thing to say being 40) but I really feel like I matured since meeting him. Anyone else would have ended up in divorce or misery. He knows me sometimes I think better than I know myself. He totally completes me.

If anything I just wish that I had gotten involved with an RE specialist alot sooner instead of dragging it on so long, waiting, hoping & thinking...maybe next month it'll happen.

But I have no regrets because I think things in life happen to us for a reason.

Evelynsmom · March 2009

I wasn't mentally ready earlier but it would have been easier health-wise to have children at a younger age.

pleasantsarg · March 2009

It never really occured to me that I was 'older'. DH and I met when I was 23, but married 5 months ago, we've been together throughout but had to go through some stuff before getting married and bringing a kid into the world.

I suppose for me I was just interested in finishing my education, getting more knowledge for my career, enjoying our friends and neighbors (also, I am 35, and am pretty active- I just don't feel that old until I see that for being a mom, I am ancient in some circles). It wasn't about being wild or anything; more about savoring each minute before you move to the next. I wonder how other people do things in their 20's; for some I think they miss out on the time we've had to reflect and learn.

I guess I wouldn't do anything differently, but now that I've hit such a sweet time in life I'd really like for it to last a lot longer.

Peppernut · March 2009

I think I only regret one thing, and that is a haircut I got when I was 12. ?*shudder* ? Hideous.

?My mother had me at 41, and I have a little sister. ?I have had a great run with my career, and I'm now at a good stopping point. ?We had some hard times getting a pregnancy to stick, but none of that was under our control...

?Really, I think the timing is perfect.?

?

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