Am I being a brat?

svbattista · March 2009

Please be honest... We live in Md and my in laws live in NY. my mom is going to have a shower here for the baby but it will be very small because I do not have any family but her. So it will just be my friends and a few of hers. Max prob 15 people. My Dh has a huge family in NY so I expected they would have a shower there also. Since he has a much larger family they could help with alot of the things we need. Well DH's parents informed us today that they are not going to have a shower because they do not think the gifts we would get would be worth the amount of the place to hold the shower. They through us an engagement party for our wedding and a shower for that too. I appreciate they spent money on that but think this is more important. I don't want them to spend a ton of money on it but I think a baby shower is also about celebrating the baby and it hurts my feelings that they think its a waste of money for a shower.

mamamoos · March 2009

i guess i can see being hurt that they don't think it would be "worth it," but at the same time, no one is entitled to a baby shower...let alone 2, KWIM?

JCM083009 · March 2009

No, I don't think you're being a brat. Since when does the cost of a baby shower have to equal the gifts you receive? They could do it at someone's home! That is a really dumb reason, if that's their only one, to not throw a baby shower.

emclarenicks · March 2009

It's not supposed to be about gifts and money...it's to celebrate the bambino! I'd be a little hurt too!

HeyyRed · March 2009

:: tiptoes quietly back out of the topic::

~*Sarah*~ · March 2009

yeah i agree with you about being hurt but maybe since it was only going to be a small group ?go out to lunch/shower with the small group that way you get some gifts and its not a long shower thing

christin3580 · March 2009

it is kinda bratty but thats just my opinion. It seems like they are the type of people to go all out .... maybe you could suggest just a lunchon with them with the feel of a shower at a resturant no gifts required .... just a gathering to celebrate? Times are tough for alot of people and for some that are used to HUGE parties having a family gathering seems not worth the effort that would be put out.. I dont know.. I am just happy to have family and friends that would come to my house just to say hi... everyone is different

JCM083009 · March 2009

~*Sarah*~:
yeah i agree with you about being hurt but maybe since it was only going to be a small group go out to lunch/shower with the small group that way you get some gifts and its not a long shower thing

I think it's HER family that is going to be the small group, the shower that's planned. It's her DH's family that is quite large that she wants to celebrate with but her in laws don't want to do it.

MrsBatty · March 2009

seems like they should be able to do it somewhere that does not cost a bunch of $ ... like at someone's house? backyard? ? I would feel hurt also, I am sorry =(

Temp159135562506975 · March 2009

while i think it's kind of gross that they are pricing out the cost of a shower as being "worth it" and not just being about celebrating their grandchild....

I also don't ever think that you should expect anyone to get you stuff you need. If you can't afford to buy stuff you need on your own- you shouldn't have a baby, IMO..... showers are nice- and it's great when people buy you things you need- but they are not mandatory and should never be expected.

so i guess what i'm saying is i can understand you being hurt that they don't seem to care about celebrating baby- and only care about the monitary value of having a shower... I also think you should just let it go b/c you aren't entitled to a shower - nor should other people have to supply you with "needs".

svbattista · March 2009

I would be perfectly happy with a get together at their house and even suggested that but was told that was out of the question. Apparently it has to be a big to do or nothing which I think is ridiculous.

JCM083009 · March 2009

Goldie_Locks_5:
while i think it's kind of gross that they are pricing out the cost of a shower as being "worth it" and not just being about celebrating their grandchild....

I also don't ever think that you should expect anyone to get you stuff you need. If you can't afford to buy stuff you need on your own- you shouldn't have a baby, IMO..... showers are nice- and it's great when people buy you things you need- but they are not mandatory and should never be expected.

so i guess what i'm saying is i can understand you being hurt that they don't seem to care about celebrating baby- and only care about the monitary value of having a shower... I also think you should just let it go b/c you aren't entitled to a shower - nor should other people have to supply you with "needs".

I have to agree w/ this as well.

erino&chrish · March 2009

I sort of see both sides of the coin. On one hand, it's kind of bratty to think you're entitled to two showers and to automatically be tallying in your head how many gifts they can "help with". But that said, we all know showers are about getting gifts, and the fact that your in laws consider it a tit-for-tat with cost versus gifts received is kind of offensive. I mean, they shouldn't even be discussing the costs with you, whethere they are having one or not.

svbattista · March 2009

I understand what you are saying about the "needs". We can certainly afford the things on our own. I'm hurt by the fact that his parents do not think it is worth it to have the shower. DH family is very large so it would be nice if we could recieve some of the things we need from them too but that's not why I'm upset.

Temp159135562506975 · March 2009

svbattista:
I understand what you are saying about the "needs". We can certainly afford the things on our own. I'm hurt by the fact that his parents do not think it is worth it to have the shower. DH family is very large so it would be nice if we could recieve some of the things we need from them too but that's not why I'm upset.

See- this doesn't make sense to me... if you said "i know it's not about needs... it's about them wanting to celebrate and us getting to see our whole family and spend time celebrating with them"... then i'd say you are not being bratty...

but you now have said yet again that it would be "nice if we could receive some of the things we need from them" and that the family is large... insinuating that you'd end up with a LOT of stuff - now that all sounds really bratty- sorry- but it does.

DonnysBride09 · March 2009

Goldie_Locks_5:

while i think it's kind of gross that they are pricing out the cost of a shower as being "worth it" and not just being about celebrating their grandchild....

I also don't ever think that you should expect anyone to get you stuff you need. If you can't afford to buy stuff you need on your own- you shouldn't have a baby, IMO..... showers are nice- and it's great when people buy you things you need- but they are not mandatory and should never be expected.

so i guess what i'm saying is i can understand you being hurt that they don't seem to care about celebrating baby- and only care about the monitary value of having a shower... I also think you should just let it go b/c you aren't entitled to a shower - nor should other people have to supply you with "needs".

GREAT way of putting it... i agree... i had to make FI realize this. i kept buying things and he would say let the ppl buy it at the shower.. my opinion is, ill buy what i can afford and "hope" they can get me some things, but i do NOT excpect ppl to buy everything for me, ecspecially the large ticket items.

svbattista · March 2009

I'm def not expecting them to buy everything we need. The more expensive items we did not even register for because we plan buy them ourselves.

lvisser · March 2009

That is the reason my parents never did a shower, the cost.

Oh well. I was never expecting other people to buy the things that we need for our baby.

Kendall13 · March 2009

I agree that no one is owed a shower...

On a side note, DH and I have spent so much money on wedding and baby shower gifts for our friends and fam that there are some people out there that owe us big time! You can bet that we'll be expecting them to fork over some dough on our little one!

*KC*luvs*RJ* · March 2009

Why couldn't it just be thrown at someone's house? I think this is a terrible statement...the shower is about celebrating the baby and to say it's not worth it because you won't get good gifts is just mean. I'm sorry, hun!

Cass&Derek · March 2009

I agree with many pp. Yes, to me it sounds bratty as you have mentioned the gifts you'll be missing out on by not having a shower with the in-laws. If it's not about the gifts, why mention it at all? Would you honestly be happy with a shower and celebrating the baby with the ILs if no-one brought gifts?

Suparstarz714 · March 2009

I would be upset too. But maybe they would rather spend the money on gifts for baby. DH's cousin's DH lives in Canada and instead of throwing them a shower, they bought them like all the nursery furniture and travel system and pretty much all the big stuff they would need. Her mom threw her a shower for our family and she got all of the little things, she pretty much didn't need ANYTHING.

Maybe another family member will throw you shower in NY, even if it is something at a park and some people make some food.

Want a personalized experience?

Am I being a brat?

Re: Am I being a brat?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards