- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 0 - 3 Months
I just need to not feel so alone (long vent)
I'm having a bad day. Not that anything is going wrong. I just feel bad. I've been dealing with PPD, so I know that's where it's coming from. Just knowing the cause doesn't make the feelings go away though.
My company was bought out a couple of years ago. It wasn't until recently that the parent company started making changes, most of which have been painful for all of us. I found out yesterday my boss was laid off. He was a cornerstone of the company, and things will only get worse now that he's gone. I hated my job, but I came back from leave because he was there to support me. Now, I can't imagine what the future looks like. I took a mental health day today, and I am afraid it is the beginning of the end... that I'm just going to falter until I quit, which will totally screw my family over. No way in hell we can live off of my husband's income.
I've thought about finding a new job, but that's a different sort of scary. If I even can FIND work, do I want to risk being at the bottom of the ladder in a shaky as hell economy? Do I want to add "learning a new job" to all the stress I'm already dealing with?
On top of all this chaos, I'm still struggling with motherhood. I feel like a terrible mother because I don't spend a lot of time playing & entertaining Charlie. I feel like he's better off at daycare, because she very clearly has fun with all the cooing & playing. He comes home with reports of "we did arm & leg stretching today" or "he cooed at a mirror." When he's home with me, he's on his mat, or in his swing. Occasionally, I give him tummy time. I feel like such a bad person, and I have no idea how I'm going to keep going. I can't imagine my life continuing on this path.
I don't have anyone here who understands. My best friends are guys. The one who has kids, they're his step kids, and he's had them since they were 6&4. He doesn't know life with an infant. My husband loves & supports me, but he's been putting up with my depression for years, and he's just tired. I don't want to keep putting this on him. I have practically no female friends. Those that might understand are across the country. The others just.... they want me to be the stereotypically happy excited new mom. And I'm not. I just feel so alone.
It's a bad day. Thanks for being here for me to vent to.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I just need to not feel so alone (long vent)
Keegan Patrick - Bilateral Clubfeet found at Anatomy Scan.
www.facebook.com/portraitave
Is it helping?
Keegan Patrick - Bilateral Clubfeet found at Anatomy Scan.
www.facebook.com/portraitave
doesn't fanini live near you? you guys should do a get-together!
as for the job aspect- find a way, if you haven't already, to make yourself irreplaceable. i found, in one of my jobs where there is high turnover, a way to make it so that nobody else could do my job. and it worked! i'm sure you are great at what you do, so just keep working hard and do not let yourself get mentally shaken about it. easier said than done, i know, especially in this economy, but just try to keep it positive as much as possible.
second, don't ever think you are a bad mom. you are providing a great home for your LO, and that in and of itself is already being a great mom. you are fortunate enough to be able to pay for a good daycare that sounds like it takes really good care of your LO.
third, is there a support group through your hospital you can go to for new moms?
i hope you feel better.
its better than nothing. but clearly i'm still not quite "normal" yet.
Aw man, I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all that you're going through. I have been through all of that at one time or another, in pieces though, not all at once. What is it about your job that will be so awful now that your boss is gone? If there's really no way you will be happy there without him, I'd start looking now ... granted, not the best time to jobhunt but better to be proactive than start a downward slide that leads to you quitting or getting let go, then you will starting a job hunt at your lowest point.
Are there any mom's groups in your area you could be involved in, or does your area have a local baby board on the nest?
Also, I feel the same way about DD and daycare. I'm afraid she's bored on the weekends with just us - at daycare she fingerpaints, plays on the playground, has a little boy who's her buddy - they do tummy time together and "talk" to each other.
Hang in there, I hope you feel better!
That sounds like a good idea! It helps to meet other women going through the same thing. I joined a BF support group at our local hospital and I've met a lot of women with similar goals and issues. A couple of the girls have become actual friends; we go out and hike and have lunch with our DC. It's a lot of fun!
The other thing I wanted to mention is about something in your OP that struck me. You said that DS is either in his swing (I think) or on his mat when you have him. Do you have a sling or wrap or other carrier that you can put him in? That way, even if you don't feel up to really giving him your attention he's up against your body and you're bonding with him. You might both get something out of it!
Hang in there. I'm really wishing all of the best for you.
You are not alone! ?A LOT of us have felt how you feel! ?I have plenty of days when I feel like a bad mom (like last night)! ?Just remember you are NOT a bad mom! ?You are perfect for your LO! ?He LOVES you and will always love you - whether or not you do the things he does at daycare! ?I know it's tough being in an area where you do not have any girlfriends! ?I'm in the same boat! ?Like many of the other moms on here have said (and I KNOW it's hard to find one) hopefully you can find a mommy group to hang out with! ?
If the Zoloft doesn't seem to be helping, talk to your OB about it and also try to find someone you can talk to on a weekly basis about what is going on in your life! ?Heck, you could even call me if you want to and we can vent together!!
?
You need a big hug - so here you go - HUG!!!!!!!!! ?Remember to just love on your LO and let his sweet smile melt your heart!
I hope you feel better soon!?
I'm sad for you. You sounds like you need a big hug. Is there any way you could find a new moms' group or have some friends come out to stay for a little bit?
Being a new mom is REALLY hard. It's lonely and we're all second guessing ourselves. I know for me, I don't feel like a good mom sometimes because I'm not playing with her and didn't feel an immediate bond with her, but it's all normal and it will get better!
See your doctor and get your PPD under control. It WILL get better!!!
Mogwai,
You are not a bad mom!! You are having a rough day, and unfortunately, it won't be the last time. But you are doing a great job working, taking care of Charlie, and somehow managing to take care of everything else in normal-everyday life. I often feel like DS has more fun at daycare, because all they do is focus on the babies, but remember, THAT'S THEIR JOB! When you are at home with Charlie, yes, you're his mom, but you also have to do the chores, pay the bills, spend time with DH, take care of other responsibilities, and (most importantly, and most often forgotten) spend time taking care of yourself. Daycare providers are supposed to: feed babies, play with babies, rock babies to sleep, go on walks with babies, etc.
Good luck with the group next Wednesday, and good luck with the Zoloft. I'm sure you'll have a much better day tomorrow. I'm up in Loveland and work up in Fort Collins if you need semi-local support.
~Jenny