I'm having a miscarriage

JaredandKatie · March 2009

This is so hard. I've been a wreck since last night and can't stop crying. Although this little life was in me for only a short time, I was its mother and it was my child. What helped you? How long did you wait before trying again? If you have a MC, is it likely you will have another? Did you get pregnant again?

Sorry I have so many questions...sorry if they're dumb. I don't really know what to ask or how to deal with this yet.

xleslieraex · March 2009

::big hugs:: I am so sorry you are here. It is the saddest thing I have had to go through. Crying helped me a lot, I talked to my sister alot too, she had a m/c a couple months before I did. Take everything one day at a time, one hour at a time if you have to. I waited as long as the doctor told me to, but I had to have a d&c so that is going to be different for you. If you m/c, most of the time your chances of another m/c are the same. I hate the statistics, but they are what they are. I am not expecting yet, but my loss wasn't that long ago. There is a whole nother board SAL for those that have gone on from their loss to be expecting again. ::big hugs:: let us know what we can do to help.

ginger67 · March 2009

So sorry your going through this - its awful. Time is the only thing that seems to help,and lots of hugs,footrubs from your DH. There is no way as far as I know to tell if you will MC again. My RE told me to wait two cycles before trying again. I got a positive OPK 2 1/2 weeks after MC so I started trying already even though they told me not to. I cant find any real evidence that getting pregnant again will end in MC. I pretty much know I cant get pregnant without follistim injections but just trying and testing makes me feel a lot better. Get a lot of rest and spoil yourself any way you can right now.

jenifer123 · March 2009

I am so sorry for you loss. This first week is so so hard. I was completely devastated when they couldn't find the heartbeat on the doppler and then when the ultrasound confirmed that he was gone. It was absolutely the worst moment of my entire life. I still think about it over and over again.

Not being able to stop crying is totally normal. That first week I basically just cried and cried until I was so exhausted I couldn't cry anymore and then a few minutes later would cry again. DH and I held each other and cried for a really long time. Every day that has gone by it has gotten easier (its been 3 weeks since they told me today). I'm still out of work - my grief counselor extended the 2 week leave my obgyn gave me. The only thing that's helped me so far is that each day gets a little less horrible then the one before. I still miss my baby every day, and I think I always will. I loved him more than anything and so wanted to meet him and hold him.

Its hard to answer your questions, because the answers depend on so many things and are different for each person. For me, even though it was my first mc, because it was a loss in the 2nd trimester, they are doing tests on the baby, on me, and on DH. I'm still waiting to find out what happened that caused our baby to pass away. Right now it appears that it might have been chromosomal. We will probably begin trying again in 2 months (most doctors say to wait between 1 and 3 cycles, or more depending on the circumstances). But we first want to find out as much as we can about what went wrong before we try again. If this was your first loss, and it was in the first trimester, doctors usually don't do any tests because it is so common and usually just chance. You're question about whether you're more likely to have another is probably no. Whether you are more likely to have a mc again depends on the cause of the first one. If a person has a condition, then they may be more likely to have a mc again if they don't address the condition (and sometimes there is nothing that can be done). But the vast majority of the time, it is just a random thing that caused the chromosomes to not split properly. If that's the case its not any more likely, from what I've heard.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your questions aren't dumb at all, everyone wonders these things. Miscarriage is so so unfair and so horrible and I'm so sorry you're here. ((HUGS))!!

toonces150 · March 2009

I am so sorry you're going through this. I know there are no words that will really comfort you right now, but things do get better with time. The week after my D&C I called my husband crying every 3 hours. I can now make it through the (work) day without tears. It's been three weeks for me and I still don't really feel like being social. I've talked to a few friends, but really, all I want to do is be with my husband. I've clung to him a lot. I can't answer your questions about how long to wait as I only recently miscarried and will need to resume fertility treatments. I just know that it's ok to be selfish right now...do what you need to do to heal. ((HUGS))

JaredandKatie · March 2009

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far. You all are a GIANT help, support, and are very encouraging. This has helped a lot. I appreciate you all.

Loops925 · March 2009

::hugs::

I'm so sorry for your loss. And no it's not likely that you'll have another mc. You can start trying again as soon as your doc gives you the okay. It shouldn't be long... I think they suggest for you to get your next period.

But there's really not much that you can do... just take it a day at a time. Cry all you want and take all the time that you need to grieve.

My mc occurred in March of 07, i became pregnant again in May 07 and delivered in Feb 08; unfortunately my son past away because he aspirated too much meconium. It's been very very difficult but I am now expecting again and due in May.

I consider myself to be so weak, but so many tell me how strong I am to still stand after so much trauma. The only thing that gets me by is crying when i want, asking dh to hold me while i cry, sometimes i write letters to my little ones... and i just take it day by day.

Hang in there... you will one day say that you're okay, but you will always remember your baby.

JaredandKatie · March 2009

Loops925:

::hugs::

I'm so sorry for your loss. And no it's not likely that you'll have another mc. You can start trying again as soon as your doc gives you the okay. It shouldn't be long... I think they suggest for you to get your next period.

But there's really not much that you can do... just take it a day at a time. Cry all you want and take all the time that you need to grieve.

My mc occurred in March of 07, i became pregnant again in May 07 and delivered in Feb 08; unfortunately my son past away because he aspirated too much meconium. It's been very very difficult but I am now expecting again and due in May.

I consider myself to be so weak, but so many tell me how strong I am to still stand after so much trauma. The only thing that gets me by is crying when i want, asking dh to hold me while i cry, sometimes i write letters to my little ones... and i just take it day by day.

Hang in there... you will one day say that you're okay, but you will always remember your baby.

Wow. I'm so sorry for what you went through...I can't imagine. So glad to hear you have another little one on the way.

Loops925 · March 2009

JaredandKatie:
Loops925:

::hugs::

I'm so sorry for your loss. And no it's not likely that you'll have another mc. You can start trying again as soon as your doc gives you the okay. It shouldn't be long... I think they suggest for you to get your next period.

But there's really not much that you can do... just take it a day at a time. Cry all you want and take all the time that you need to grieve.

My mc occurred in March of 07, i became pregnant again in May 07 and delivered in Feb 08; unfortunately my son past away because he aspirated too much meconium. It's been very very difficult but I am now expecting again and due in May.

I consider myself to be so weak, but so many tell me how strong I am to still stand after so much trauma. The only thing that gets me by is crying when i want, asking dh to hold me while i cry, sometimes i write letters to my little ones... and i just take it day by day.

Hang in there... you will one day say that you're okay, but you will always remember your baby.

Wow. I'm so sorry for what you went through...I can't imagine. So glad to hear you have another little one on the way.

::now crying::

thank you... and don't worry you will be okay and soon you'll be expecting another little one of your own. ::hugs:: and don't loose faith.

jump4jen · March 2009

I remember seeing you on first tri with me and I thought you were very spunky I am saddened to see you here with me now.

Monday I went for my 9w u/s and the baby's heart had stopped. I have no bleeding so I am scheduled for my d & c tomorrow morning. I am a total disaster too. I was very calm on Monday, cried a lot on Tuesday, was calm on Wednesday (relatively), and today I totally lost it. I had to leave my classroom and have someone take over.

I don't know what we do. These posts are helping me and I hope they help you too. I wish I could give all the girls on here a hug. It's very surreal to imagine that we loved something so much that we never met. Hang in there and know that you are not alone in your grief.

jrosehistory · March 2009

I am so sorry for your loss! I recently had a MC and just had a D&C on Monday. I lost my little one at six weeks. I have really found strength with my husband we have forged a very strong bond during this incredibly difficult time. I have also found so much wonderful support on this board all the ladies here are so kind and supportive! I found I am not alone in this situation and there are many women experiencing what I am. My doctor did tell me to wait one cycle before trying again and since I am not ready to try again I am hoping in 4-6 weeks when my period is due I will be ready. I don't know if I will miscarry again but the doctor gave me low odds that this would happen again and he thinks my second pregnancy will go all the way through for there are no known problems with me or my husband. Right now I am slowly starting to heal and get through the pain. It took me awhile to come to terms I was no longer pregnant and I am still very emotional. I have given myself permission to cry and work through the stages of grief. Give yourself lots of time to heal and know we are always here for support and help. Anytime you want to talk I am here for you. Sending you lots of hugs and support!!

~*BREN*~ · March 2009

I am so sorry to hear your news. I know that you are hurting so much right now and I am so, so sorry. Like all others had said, allow yourself to feel the pain. I know I just let myself cry and cry until I felt like I couldn't cry anymore. What helped me was spending time with my DH and just talking to him and crying with him. I wrote my little one a letter and I wrote about it on my blog. I hung out with my mom some and just did girlie stuff.

We currently are not TTC. I have not had my period yet since the D&C. We will either be waiting several cycles or longer...I am just not ready yet.

Please take care of yourself and know that in addition to family, friends and DH you have us

jump4jen · March 2009

I realized I did not tell you that I am very sorry for your loss and the pain and frustration you are feeling. For some reason hearing the words "I'm sorry" have been like a knife in my heart but I realize that others probably do not have the same sentiment. And I really am sorry for all the women who are part of this painful club. BIG HUG.

cantytam · March 2009

I am so sorry! ((Hugs))

Danielleee · March 2009

I am so sorry you are going through this. It's definitely the hardest thing I've ever been through. It's hard for me to give advice because I know everyone's experience is different, but I will say that now is the time to be nice to yourself, cut yourself a lot of slack and allow yourself to grieve no matter how many insensitive comments you hear (I've heard a few). The only thing that has really helped me is time passing, unfortunately. I also did a lot of research on miscarriage at the library, which helped me to feel more in control (I know I'm not, but it made me feel like I was). I have had a lot of luck with counseling, as well, especially since this is my 2nd loss.

From what I've read, having one miscarriage does not mean that you are likely to have another, and in fact you are likely to have a healthy pregnancy your next time around. For me, I found out during my 2nd pregnancy that I have a thyroid condition, which is likely what caused my miscarriages. We are working on resolving it before we try again. Also, I know that many women do get pregnant again pretty quickly. I had my first loss in October of 2008, and we got pregnant again in January of 2009, after only 2 cycles of trying.

I wish you all the best during this difficult time. You deserve to have a happy and healthy baby, so don't give up on your dream! I know it will happen for us!

ibis · March 2009

I'm so sorry. A loss hurts no matter how long you were pregnant.

My m/c was just after New Years, and to be honest I am still grieving on some level. It takes time. You just have to allow yourself to feel all the things you are feeling. Try to stay close and connected with your husband.

We waited until after I got my period to start trying again. We haven't gotten PG again yet, we're just on our second cycle now. I don't know why I m/c the first time so I don't know if I will be able to have a baby, but the odds are in my favor and in yours. Most women who m/c go on to have children.

There are no dumb questions here... no one prepares you for m/c before it happens. Ask whatever you want to ask.?

jshay778 · March 2009

I am so sorry hun. ((hugs)) I just m/c last month at 6w1d. Sure it was a short time but technically I didnt lose just a baby. I lost my hopes and dreams for that baby and also of being a mommy. Believe it or not, this board and some others on the bump helped me the most. I dont know many people IRL that m/c. So I had no one to really talk to and no one can ever really find the right things to say to a person in our situations. We are waiting at least one cycle to try again. We will really start trying again in May. Our doctor told us that it was a fluke of nature and I am not an increased risk of having this happen again. I trust her but cant bring myself to believe her. I am not pregnant again seeing as how we just m/c. I hope this brings your some hope and encouragement. If you need anything dont be afraid to send me a PM. Good luck.

BoSoxbride · March 2009

First, let me say that I'm so so sorry that you're going through this. Second, let me say that this is a wonderful place to find support. It really helped me through that first week. While I have already had children, I was in complete shock to be losing what I thought was going to be my third and final child. Like you said, even though it was a short time I had already accepted this child into my heart. I'd even bought my entire maternity summer wardrobe that I still can't bring myself to return. I just had my two week follow up yesterday after having a natural miscarriage and then a d&c to remove tissue and I'll tell you what the dr told me. Around 25% of pregnancies will end in miscarriage as reported, but it's actually probably more like 40% it's just that many women miscarry so early that they didn't even know they were pg. Statistics don't make your hurt go away but they can comfort you. Yes, there are a percentage of women that miscarry because of some underlying issue that may/will make carrying a baby to term difficult. But for the most part it's just an unfortunate unavoidable thing that happens to a huge percentage of the population, but does not by any means mean that you will not have a baby. I have family and friends that have miscarried before each one of their successful pregnancies, that have had 7 miscarriages and then gone on to have very healthy pregnancies. Seems to be no rhyme or reason. My dr also said to me that the fact that I miscarried does not make it more or less likely that it will happen again. My best advice is to surround yourself with friends and family and keep busy, focus on the future and stay positive. This is a terrible loss and you will never forget, but you will move on and you will have a child. As for the time frame to wait, tallk to your dr because they all seem to say different things. One dr in my practice told me to wait 3 cycles and then when I went in yesterday a different one told me to wait one or two. I'm going to wait 2. I just pray that my first AF comes soon! I'm ready to get this show on the road again. Best of luck and if ever you want to chat, send me a message.

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