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Adoption
Dr.Loretta
member
HTT: Giving up
Dr.Loretta
member
in Adoption
Do you ever get to a point where you think, "Maybe we should just give up and go childless because it's taking too long/testing my patience/costing too much/etc."?
Even though we're SO early in the process, I'll admit I have moments where I think, "Maybe we just shouldn't be parents."
But then I see DH with someone's kid and realize that it may take time, but it's meant to be.
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Re: HTT: Giving up
Not for a second. But I do also realize that a) we have not been through the loss that many have experienced on their road, b) we have not endured the pain, stress, and roller coaster of IF treatments to only be met with disappointment, c) we are more open on our path of adoption which will not cause our adoption path to be long or as financially stressing as other paths might.
What I have noticed with our RL support groups is that just as it is hard for me to fully grasp the pain and disappointment that many/most couple's have experienced with their fertility which often leads to their apprehension and less than eagerness to share their adoption journey with family/friends ... it is hard for them to understand that adoption is my natural path to parenthood and thus I don't have some of the emotional difficulties. Adoption is my pregnancy - this is my first pregnancy in many respects. I scream on the roof top that we are adopting and want everyone to know about it without ever thinking for a second that something might be wrong with doing that.
I think that sometimes I do wonder if I am meant to be a mom as in - will I be good at it - do I have the patience or if we are ready as a couple to be parents - should we travel more - should we spend more time together first - what if we regret becoming parents and it ruins our relationship ... but I think these thoughts are normal of ANY couple that is planning to become parents whether that is through 9 months of pregnancy or adoption.
Fred - I'm so proud of you for typing these words, as I have been too much of a coward to do so myself (except to the closest of friends). I feel exactly the same way. I love my husband immensely, but looking at a future without children makes me feel like my life isn't worth living. It's not because I don't have friends or hobbies, or that I don't value my career or my relationship with other people. It all boils down to the fact that I have wanted to be a mother since I was a small child and have always been open to adoption or any other means of becoming one. And I do not want to live my life without the opportunity to mother.
Dr. L - you ARE meant to be a mom, sometimes you just have to push past the feeling of doubt.
You WILL get there, I know it
{{HUGS}}
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Sometimes I wonder if our timing for all of this is wrong. When we were matched right after I got laid off, I thought things were all coming together. But since that failed, we are thinking about moving back to be where family/friends are and so that I can get a job. Trying to figure out what to do with timing and what happens if all the parts don't fall into place at the right time makes me worry that we shouldn't be spending the money on the adoption. Or if our timing is off and we should have done this later in life.
I don't think that I completely want to give up the chance to be a parent, but I don't think that taking a step away now would mean that we would never have a child. I know that DH is more set on being a parent ASAP then I am, I know that we will be at some point.
Nope! I actually have this internal drive to be a mother. I have for years. DH has felt like that a few times though. But, now we are both, anxious - at how we're going to go through either foster care, or foster to adopt. Excited..but nervous... like other posters, I Just couldn't see myself with out children in my home...mine or foster.
Ditto. My heart melts when I see DH with my Godson/nephew, or his nieces and nephews on his side.
Hmm, I find it interesting that I'm the only one who's had these thoughts, however fleeting.
I think it may have to do with a past boyfriend. We were very serious, but he suddenly decided he didn't want children. We even went to counseling about it, and the counselor said I needed to decide how I felt about having kids. At the time I told him that I didn't want someone to force me to have kids, and I didn't want someone to say I couldn't have them either. To be honest, at the time kids were not really part of my immediate future.
Gonna chew on this one for a while...
I'm sorry I didn't chime in earlier on this one. I've definitely had my moments where I've thought I need to resign myself that I will be childless. The reassuring thing is, even if that were to be the case, my dh & I have such a fulfilling, wonderful life as a couple that I would never be truly unhappy. Truthfully, those moments pass pretty fast & they instigate me to move further on our path (pursuing if treatment right now, but totally researching the heck out of adoption, too).