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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
meringue57
member
"No babies at wedding?" follow up
meringue57
member
To answer a few questions:
Yes, we already received the invitation. There was no inner envelope with names on it. Nor did it state anywhere that it was for adults only to attend. I did just found out that they'd in fact told my MIL, who told them they had to tell us personally, that our baby was not allowed. (No one bothered to ever tell any of us - DH or me.)
This seems to be an East Coast vs. West Coast thing...or at least that's what it looks like. I've never been invited to a wedding on the West Coast that was a no-kids-allowed deal (hm now that I think about it, I've only ever heard of East Coast weddings that don't allow children - never actually been to one). Every wedding I've ever been to has been filled with children and, in my opinion, more fun for it.
To the people who said it was my fault for making plans and not finding out previously that kids weren't allowed, see the above explanation, as well as the fact that the bride emailed me several times stating she was super excited to meet E and for us all to come down for the wedding. I had no idea!
Also, no, the babysitter is not on site. It's at the mother of the bride's home, about 30 minutes away from the venue. That seems odd to me, as I actually used to be the person who babysat for kids at weddings when I was younger. I always had the experience of the groom/bride providing a room on-sight for the kids to hang in. That was great as parents stopped by to check on kids, feed them, etc. I will still be nursing DS (hopefully) when we're at this wedding. It's an evening wedding, as well.
Anyway - thanks everyone for your responses. It was very interesting to see other people's perspectives...I guess you do learn something new everyday. I'm not sure what we'll do, but now at least I know that this isn't that random.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "No babies at wedding?" follow up
Yeah, I know in some areas and some families, no kids is just a given. Sounds like they just assumed you knew.
Well, you know your choices. I wouldn't leave my DD 30 mins. away with a stranger, but everyone is different. You've got your tickets already so I'd just make a little vacation out of it.
First - HOLY CRAP... 30 minutes away in a strange city with someone you didn't pick and don't know? The vast array of F$#^ NO is impossible to calculate.
That said, I am completely with you on the kids at weddings. I loved having kids at my wedding. We have a picture of our first dance, with my niece and nephew (flower girl and ring bearer, dressed exactly like us) dancing beside us, and we loved it. I know other people wouldn't, but for us, our wedding was about family, and our family includes kids, and it was a spontaneous, special moment.
But I'm a Midwesterner who now lives on the East Coast, and I've never been to an adults only wedding. While I applaud the bride for trying to accommodate people while still having the wedding she wanted, the idea of an adults only wedding seems pretentious to me. I completely acknowledge there will be flames for that, but there it is. I have never thought of a wedding as a fairy-tale coronation. For me, it's a celebration of family and friends, and that includes children. HeII, even Princess Diana had kids in and at her wedding.
Yeah - I think we'll go and figure something out. My FIL has offered to watch E during the ceremony and then I can come back to the hotel during the reception and hang with him (which is totally cool, as we fly out super early the next morning anyway). Or maybe I'll just go down and hang on my own during the wedding and reception - I'm planning to play it by ear.
I really just had no idea! Yet another great example of the Nest helping a clueless mom out...
Ok I love you! Thank you!!!!!! You made me laugh out loud and think maybe I'm not so crazy after all...
I'm going to stick with my original response and say that I'd be pissed. It would have been nice to know all of this before you booked the flight. When you attend an OOT wedding, your options are a tad limited as to what you can do with your baby. The bride doesn't seem to think that leaving your baby with a stranger is that big a deal. I would be inclined to not go and use the flight credit for another trip another time.
I would not be leaving DS with a stranger 30 minutes away from me. I'd even be nervous about leaving them in a hotel room upstairs. A stranger is a stranger, it doesn't matter where they are.
If I were you, I'd skip the wedding and hang with DC.
East Coast or West Coast, I would NEVER assume that my 7 month old was invited....
At my wedding we had one kid (my 3 year old niece - flower girl). A OOT relative brought her kid, and we did not account for it. Wasn't a big deal, but whatever...
Malakai - 8.3.09
Ezra - 12.1.11 ASD
I don't even see a point in going at all if you're going to have to hang back all the time and miss most of the ceremony and reception. If it's just going to be you and your baby, you might as well just hang out at home. It would be much cheaper!
I guess I just can't imagine a no-kids wedding. I know they exist, but it must be really formal. 30 minutes is pretty far away, but I kinda understand if it's an adults only reception and wedding. However, I don't know why they can't have her at the wedding, then you take your kids to the reception where they are watched in another room (unless there is no other room).
Hey, are you in the Seattle area? ?
But don't you think that if you are inviting someone with children, let alone a baby, you really need to make this kind of thing known from the beginning, and if you don't, any mix-ups and kids showing up unexpectedly are really your fault.
I have always assumed that kids are invited unless expressly stated, but I'm a transplanted midwesterner as well.
I agree with Lori, I guess I do not get the no kids rule at weddings. We had lots of kids and it was a great time. I come from a large Irish family and DH is from a large polish family, so for us family meant children, I never even considered a no kids rule. We even had coloring books and stuff for the kids. but to each their own.
I am on the East Coast and I've never been to a no-kids wedding. It's just not how things are done in our family/friend circle. But with that said, I don't assume DD is invited to anything. However, I can totally see why you would assume that your DS was invited! If the bride is telling you that she's excited to meet him and for you to all come down to the wedding...yep...I'd think he was invited. If she was planning on having no kids, she should have said so during that conversation.
And there's no way in hell I'd leave DD 30 mins away with a stranger!
Never said it was a big deal, just saying we had a unexpected guest, and she was well behaved so I didn't care. If any of my guests had a baby I would have let them know that a babysitter would be the best idea. Only a few guests were OOT, so a babysitter would be no biggie. And like I said, we were invited to a wedding in April, and it never said "yes or no" to children, and I would never assume that Rylee would be welcome. Just sayin. But in the OP's defense, her emails with the bride were def. confusing!
Malakai - 8.3.09
Ezra - 12.1.11 ASD
I find this thread funny because yesterday most of the people who responded fully support the idea of a no kids wedding and think that it was the OP's responsibility to find out if her child was invited. Today, a lot of the respondents think kids should be invited and that the bride really should have let them know that it was an adults only event. I guess it just depends on the day when it comes to asking questions on the Nest!
FWIW I also love the idea of kids at a wedding. It just says "family" to me.
Yes, and imagine the awkwardness if you didn't know and brought your kid and all of the other moms who had to leave their baby with Random Stranger see this and get bitter about it (I would).?
I was one of the posters yesterday, and said that while it wasn't my kind of wedding, at least the bride was making accommodations for what she wanted. Today, I find the accommodations are completely unrealistic. Who would agree to that? And how many kids is this college student supposed to be supervising?
And Lvisser - I wasn't being critical of your situation. I was just saying that I think that a bride in that case should be making herself clear from the beginning, or accepting how things turn out in the end. Obviously, you did that, so it was no biggie. This bride isn't, and I suspect it will bite her in the a$$.
I would never assume that a baby is invited to a wedding!!! Quite the opposite actually - I would assume they are not invited. We have 3 weddings coming up and I expect to arrange for childcare for each one.
Except for my flower girl, there were no children under 10 at my wedding. Many of my friends have small children and I could not have invited one without inviting the other. It would have looked like a daycare center.
I missed the earlier post...and I get that people have adult only receptions. What I don't get is why. Really I don't. If you want an adult only party aka "drunk fest" go to a bar.
Wedding to me are about the celebration of creating a new family...and what better celebration of a new family then a baby. We had a ton of kids at our wedding. Of all the memories from that day one of my favorites is overhearing my cousin's daughter tell her that "Mommy, I got to dance with the Princess! Someday I hope to be as pretty as she is!".
Okay...sorry about the tangent. But seriously...30 minutes away. Not cool. Not telling you before you shelled out the cash, even worse. Not telling you even AFTER your MIL told them they needed to = bring hte baby and if they say anything tell them to cover the cost of the plane ticket.
Malakai - 8.3.09
Ezra - 12.1.11 ASD
Gosh, over 10% of our guests were under 10. And that was mostly DH's family. There were coming from OOT and I would never have dreamed of expecting them to find childcare to travel from OOT (some had infants). I missed OP, but I would agree about the communication clearly indicating that your LO was invited. We even made baskets to greet OOT guests and had children's baskets for those who had LO's (coloring books, list of activities in the area, kiddie snacks, etc.). We had a room set up next to the reception room, but we didn't encourage anyone to use it. Someone asked for sitter information, I gave my MIL a contact in the area that was not invited, but had worked with kids. We wound up hiring her, bring DH's X-box, movies (the hotel gave us a tv on a cart) and other stuff and she sat in the room by herself all night, except for when Mom's brought their LO's in to change diapers, nurse. We felt guilty based on the one Mom's inquiry, so we hired a sitter, but again, she was never even used. Strange.
While, as I said earlier, I'm all about kids at weddings, I did this. I listed all the kids. Actually, I sent separate invitations for the parents and the kids, so they kids would be excited about their mail. My cousin specifically invited Joseph when we went to her wedding in September.
I have known brides to be puzzled when a family of five only RSVPed for two people because "and family" wasn't included and they didn't want to assume.
We didn't invite kids to our wedding; most weddings I've been to have been adult-only affairs. To each his own I guess. We actually got a lot of happy responses from parents that it was a fantastic night out without the kids.
We just addressed the invites to "Mr & Mrs Whatstheirname"; we didn't use an inner envelope so it was only on the outside.
Yeah. Drunk-fest weddings are up there on my list of klassy events in life.?
I hope I didn't offend you, LOTR. I know you quoted Hippy but I didn't want to offend.
I went to a wedding that was a drunk-fest. Everyone was drunk, including the bride. It was certainly klassy. I didn't mean to insinuate that all adult-only weddings are drunk-fests, I meant to insinuate that all drunk-fests are drunk-fests, lol.
I'm pretty sure you were talking to Hippy, but I just wanted to be sure!?
Shut up, LOTR, I can see it now. An adults-only wedding in Minnesota. Lots of bars and hot dish, lutefisk everywhere, herring hanging from the ceiling, kegs of Hamm's on every table, the bride in a snow-white parka, drunken snowmobiling and people getting cited for IFUI (ice fishing under the influence)...
J/k. I'm an Olmsted County girl, myself, so I get to sling these kind of wild stereotypes about.
I would not be leaving my kid with that babysitter, not a chance.
And about kids at weddings, we never thought about keeping it adults only and no one I know would do that either. Weddings are family events.
I would always ask the bride if it's ok to bring DD. I've been ASKED to bring her to them, even when the invite said mr and mrs. I guess the folks I hang with aren't as etiquette-y as the nest.
I had more issues with people bringing their adult children to our wedding... we didn't have room and we had one couple who was invited (my husband's cousin and her husband) RSVP for their three grown children and spouses who were not. That was $600 and 6 seats that we didn't have. I told everyone to bring their babies or other people's babies if they wanted to. As long as they didn't need a seat or plate, they were welcome at my wedding!
?
I'm an east coaster too, and kids were always at weddings... ?
We had a formal night wedding. We only invited 2 childern the ring bearer and the flower girl. The outer envelope was address to Doctor and Mrs. Jones and the inner envelop was addressed to Dr. James Jones, Mrs. Julia Jones, Master John Jones and Miss Jessica Jones. This inner envelop provides the names of each person invited. If the bride did not provide these details on the invitation then you are correct to be displeased or upset.
My personal feeling is that the type, time, and location of the wedding dictates if children should be included. I wanted our ring bearer and flower girl to feel special and be entertained at our wedding so I provided each of them gift baskets at their seats. They were very happy and entertained by the toys.