Induction to C-Section, long

I was scheduled to be induced the day after my due date because I had high blood pressure at my dr appt on my due date.  At my dr appt, they were going to let me be induced if I was more than 1cm dilated, if not then I was going to have to wait a week over.  So just the anitcipation had my blood pressure up and I tried to explain this to them, but they scheduled my induction due to the high BP and that was fine with me.  DH and I were ready.  We were to call the hospital in the morning at 5:00am and be there by 6:15. 

We called in the morning and they were busy, full.  We tried to go back to sleep.  Finally, they had an opening for us around 8:30 and we settled into our room around 9:00am.  I was hooked up to the blood pressure cuff, contraction monitor, and my IV was started.  Shortly after, the Dr came in, checked me, tried to break my water and ordered the Pitocin.  It was uncomfortable when the Dr. tried to break my water, but I relaxed after he was up there for awhile still trying and then it didn't hurt.  He managed to put a hole in my water, but not completely break it.  I was a little over 1 cm and already having mild contractions on my own (which I didn't even know were contractions). 

Overall, I was very disappointed in the whole experience.  I envisioned being able to walk around and move through the pain of contractions and physically interact with DH to help me with the pain.  Instead, I was banned to the bed and even forced to turn on my side.  I was not even allowed to go to the bathroom on my own without the nurse.  The contractions became stronger and I was frustrated with not being able to deal with them like I wanted (moving around) and I was tired of needing to go to the bathroom with a friend (the baby was sitting on my bladder).  So I got the epidural at 4cm, mid afternoon.  It was wonderful to me.  I did not want any of the narcotics because they affect the baby somewhat so I went straight to the epidural.  And the nurse said that it would not slow contractions due to the Pitocin I was getting.  The epidural was not bad at all and completely took the pain away without making me feel too wierd.  I could even still move my legs pretty well, they just felt heavier than usual.  The part that I was most nervous about anyways was the catheter and after not being able to use the bathroom when I wanted, I was almost happy to get it.  It did not hurt to get put in because I was numb from the epidural, but it was rather uncomfortable while lying in bed. 

After the epidural was in and I "labored" for another hour or so, the dr. and nurse came back in to break my water again and assess progress.  I was still 4 cm and the baby was not dropping down (about 5:00pm).  The dr said he felt "molding" which apparently is a sign of the baby being too big for your pelvis.  Only part of his head was coming through the pelvis and the Dr asked me my height and shoe size. (5'3 and size 7.5)  He mentioned c-section and that we would wait a little longer.  About three hours later, the catheter really started to hurt and there seemed to be blood in my bag.  A new nurse came on and I asked what was going on.  She checked me again and I was still only 4cm with the head high.  She didn't seem concerned about the bag.  So I said that if I was going to have to have a c-section then why can't we just do it already since the catheter was hurting, it was getting late, and I was not progressing.  One of my biggest fears was having to push for so many hours and then doing the C-section.  The nurse called the dr and he said fine.  He didn't even check me again and the nurse started getting me ready for a c-section.  I immediately started crying and could not stop.  I think I would have cried if they told me I was 10cm and I needed to push, too.  I don't know, but I am not a crier and I cried and cried and felt like the biggest baby.  My usually funny DH was so nervous and worried he couldn't even be funny and kept asking me how I was which made me cry more.  Eventually I stopped crying and the guy came in to add the numbing drugs to my epidural.  He was asking me can I feel this and can I feel that.  I freaked out when I could "feel" him touch my stomach after it was supposed to be numb and I started crying again.  It felt different, but I could feel it and I was so scared I would feel them cut me.  So off I went to the operating room.  It felt like I had been kidnapped by aliens and they were running wierd tests on me in a very bright, white room.  I felt like I was there and not there.  Eventually I closed my eyes and pretended to be at the beach.  Poor DH came in and I never even talked to him.  When DS was born, I heard him cry and I tried to look at him but I couldn't really see so I closed my eyes again.  Eventually DH brought DS over to me, but I still couldn't see him well.  DH took DS to the nursery and came back to me. 

   They made DH leave to clean me up and DH met me in the recovery room with DS.  There I got to hold him for the first time, but I was so out of it.  I was shaking and my teeth were shattering.  I was too scared to nurse him then since I was shaking so badly.  Then my incision starting burning.  It did not really hurt, it was just a wierd burning/hot sensation.  It seems like I was in the recovery room for ten minutes but my DH says it was more like an hour.  Then we were rolled to the PP room and our family met us there.  They gave me morphine and I was holding onto the bed to keep my head up because it was spinning like I was drunk.  I thought that I would not want anyone to hold him at first but they passed him around like a football and I didn't even care.  Eventually they left (after midnight) and I tried to nurse.  Then we sent DS to the nursery. 

That night the nurse came in every 15 minutes at first, then every 30 minutes, then every hour.  I was so tired I just wanted to sleep and this is something I didn't realize happened.  She would take my BP, temp, check my bleeding, check my incision, push on my stomach, check my pee bag..... so annoying.  And the fact that they push on your stomach after all that was beyond me!  After I was off the drugs the next day, this procedure actually hurt worse than anything else I had had done (although I think the nurse did it wrong, because the other nurses that did it did not hurt me). 

I know this is after the actual "birth" but this is the stuff that I wished I knew and didn't.  The c-section was not bad at all and the scar and recovery was not bad.  The bad part was having to recover and trying to take care of a newborn simultaneously.  It was hard to get out of bed to get to my new crying DS quickly, it was hard to sit up in the right position to learn to BF DS, it was hard to do things while on the pain meds because they knocked me OUT!  Of course, this is probably true with both kinds of births.  DH ended up doing a lot more than he thought, including taking me to the bathroom, helping me shower, and doing a lot of rocking, changing, burping, positioning, holding of DS even though I was the more experienced person when it came to babies.  On the bright side, I have no bathroom problems and look forward to getting intimate again with DH ASAP without fear of pain down there....hopefully.  My next birth will also be planned and scheduled YEA!  And my son was perfect once I was able to take him in!