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Working Moms
Mrs.S9102005
member
Freaking out before baby is born
Mrs.S9102005
member
in Working Moms
Hi,
First I want to say congrats to all new moms.
Hopefully I'm not the only one who was having second thoughts about going back to work before the baby was even born.
I'm on bed rest which doesn't help... too much time to think. I was suddenly pulled out of work 10 weeks early, I have 8 weeks left till my little guy is supposed to be born and then an 8 week leave (I don't work for a company that is big enough for FMLA)
Suddenly my anxieties are worse....my parents will be taking care of him most of the week, and DH is working from home a couple of days. I'm not upset about leaving him with who I am, if we had to do day care I would just quit my job cause I don't make enough $ to justify it.
I'm scared of leaving him everyday 8 hours a day 5 days/week. Missing out on things he does, sleep depravation, just living for the weekends. I know DH and I are in it together. But emotionally I'm just not sure if I can do this. Maybe I should wait till after he's born to really worry about it, maybe pregnancy hormomes aren't the best mixture.
My career has always been important to me, but as I get bigger and go through things for this pregnancy that I didn't expect, I feel like I just don't care about where I work and what I want to do anymore. I feel torn and confused about what I want my life to be like. I had all these career goals through my pregnancy, but suddenly they don't seem to matter to me as much and I just want a paycheck and spend more time with my son to be.
Can we afford for me not to work? I'm not sure...we don't own a house yet and without my income or a smaller one if I found a PT job, it will take us forever to get in a better situation and things would be stressfull with $.
But please tell me I'm not going crazy to feel this way cause I feel like I am a little.
Thanks for listening.
Colleen
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Freaking out before baby is born
You are definitely not crazy for feeling this way- I freaked out about going back to work after DS was born and for my entire maternity leave. It's hard at first, and I think about DS constantly while I'm working, but I know that ultimately he's better off having parents who are financially stable and can save for his education, etc. One thing that really helped me was transitioning back to work after maternity leave. I used my last 2 weeks of Paid Family Leave over a 4 week period so I only had to work 20 hours/week at first.
No you are not crazy. I had feelings like this too when I was on leave....totally normal. You have to decide what is best for you and your family. For us, me going to back to work was the right thing. But it is an individual choice for everyone...you have to live with it!
Good luck and hope you find the answer : ) It is hard.
Not crazy at all. I also had very similiar feelings- especially after the baby was born. I just started back at work this week and it's not easy. I was able to work out a flexible schedule and will be working 4 days a week. I decided to have Wednesdays off to break up the week. I'm going to see how it goes, eventually I may go down to 3 days a week, but right now the economy is making me nervous and I feel like I need to really give the schedule I have now a shot.
It's hard and I think you need to do what feels right to you. I will say, try and enjoy the end of your pregnancy and your maternity leave and not worry about going back. (which is SO hard to do) You could always try going back and see how it goes. I try to tell myself that nothing is totally written in stone and I'm trying to see what works for me and my family- lucikly I have an extremely supportive boss.
The anticipation of returning to work is much, much worse than actually doing it. When I was on maternity leave, the closer I got to returning to work the more I was freaking out. I would have days where I would just lose it, thinking I could never adapt to leaving my DS and working all day. But once I was back to work for a couple weeks and into a consistent groove, my new lifestyle became far easier than I ever thought it would be. Just recognize that your anxieties are real, but try not to let them cripple you and just focus on the positive aspects (like more financial freedom, career fulfillment, etc), and the excitement of meeting your new little one. Everything will fall into place.
Also, I have not missed any of my son's milestones
)
I went through the same thing. I couldn't afford not to work, so I had to go back after my 13 week maternity leave. Truth be told, at about my 10th week on maternity leave, I was looking forward to going back to work - I was starting to go a little stir crazy. My DS was a good baby, so it was just me getting bored. However, I also was crying about leaving him in daycare. It's normal to question what you are doing. Well, I am glad that I did put him in daycare because I quickly found out that I am a better Mother, wife, friend, person because I work. I have alot more patience for everyone, especially my DS. I couldn't have been a SAHM and be happy. My DS is doing so well in daycare, that it also helped me feel good about being a working Mom. He is learning so much and thriving - it's awesome to see. So, I would stop worrying and rest. Enjoy your son once he arrives and take it day by day. You won't know what is best for you and your family until you have your son. Good Luck!
I agree- the anticipation of going back was so much worse than the reality- and I wish I hadn't spent my maternity leave worrying so much about it. It took a little bit to get adjusted to being back, being on a routine again, etc. I would say to maybe decide now that you're going to give it "x" amount of time to decide after you go back-- Give it at least a month or two. Then if you're unhappy, you can re-evaluate. But maybe knowing that you have that time frame lined up, it'll be on your mind less and you can enjoy your time off without as many worries.
I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and you have a nice, easy delivery!
Ladies,
I can't even tell you how much your posts have helped calm me down.
Esp hearing that the anticipation (sorry it's late, I can't spell) is worse for most then it was actually going back.
I did realize that my moods, emotions and hormones are all over the place right now. I shouldn't think about making any sudden moves at this time anyway. I'm going to try really hard to focus on the here and now, take care of myself before my little guy is born and then enjoy him.
I'm not sure if I'm meant to be a SAHM on the other side so hopefully I can just let it be for now and see what happens.
Thank you so much again.
You are totally normal. If I was on bedrest and had that much time to think, I'd probably need my therapist to come over daily. We're expecting #2 and I'm freaking. DH finally told me not to get so stressed over something we don't even know about yet.
A friend with 2 kids recommended that I not make any rash decisions without giving something a try first. So, for me, that meant going back to work, and giving it 6 months because I really think it takes that long to adapt to a change. Plus, in the first 6 months back, your baby will go from not SSTN to SSTN which changes everything!
Take things one day at a time. I know it's easier said than done, but that's what makes it easier. When I was on maternity leave, I tried really hard not to think, "I only have X weeks left" and instead just took each day as it came.
GL!