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Working Moms
BrendaK
member
XP: Stay-At-Home Dad?
BrendaK
member
in Working Moms
I posted this on the 0-6 board, but thought I'd try here, too...
So, my husband lost his job about a month ago, and given that my city has the highest unemployment rate in the country, the outlook is not so good.
We're trying to look at it from a positive side - it'll potentially give us the opportunity to have a stay-at-home parent for a few months. The thing is - I never envisioned it would be my husband to be the one to stay-at-home... Nor did he.
Is anyone dealing with their husband being a SAHD? Know of any good resources that can help him/me prepare?
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Re: XP: Stay-At-Home Dad?
My DH is a SAHD right now. He started unpaid 12 weeks of FMLA when I went back to work in January. Later this month, he's having ankle surgery and will be out from work at least 6 more months in recovery so will continue to be at home with DD. After that, we are talking about him possibly continuing to be a SAHD.
DH being a SAHD is working out really great. It's so much easier than both of us working. It is sad for me though that I won't even have the option of staying home though b/c I draw the primary salary. The hardest part of him staying home is not having the extra income and feeling dependent on one job, but it's really great for family life.
I don't really know any resources per se, but it is much more common for dads to be a SAHP. And DH's relationship with DD has really blossomed.
No first hand experience, but my BFF's DH stayed home with twins for a year. This was something they planned, so he probably had more time to mentally prepare for it.
I think you need to make sure to find a babysitter for him to use in case he does get an interview, I think it'll help to make him feel less trapped.
And set clear expectations - like he needs to cook dinner and do laundry or whatever, as well as spending time looking for work.
We're doing this too after DH was laid off several months ago - we finally gave up and had to pull DS out of daycare since we just couldn't swing it and DH wasn't getting any leads. Actually we've had to do this more than once over the past few years - including right after my maternity leave - and we didn't expect it either but I think we've both been surprised with how well DH parents on his own.
It definitely helps the Dad-baby bond. Also, from baby's perspective he's still at home with one of his parents, so the transition is probably the easiest on him.
What other people said about the cooking and cleaning is big...cooking isn't a problem for DH either but the housekeeping can be an issue. Working out expectations helps there. (Likewise working out who gets up in the middle of the night)
For dad, if there are any parenting groups or boards out there, try to find if there are other SAHDs. Usually the library is a good place to start since there are often activities there, or a local gym or playground.
For you, make sure you also have your "mom" time carved out...that was a big thing for me, I felt like the roles had shifted and that was hard to adjust to. I try to get some mom-baby time in without DH around. Often it works nicely if I get to spend some alone time with DS while DH makes dinner or has his own alone time.
Best of luck, it may surprise both of you how well you adapt to it
My husband also works nights and is home with DD during the day. It is working out great for us. He got laid off when I was around 24 weeks. It allowed me to take a new position at work and he stayed home with our older son when he was off school for the summer. He trained in days while I was on maternity leave and went to nights right before I went back to work.
The hardest part for us is him getting sleep, but that wouldn't be an issue if he wasn't working nights. Otherwise he really loves being home with her during the day. It helps that she's a happy baby in the morning and fusses to nurse a lot at night when I'm home.
They have a great relationship because they spend so much time together. DH has always been super helpful around the house so we didn't have to do any reorganizing there. I would have been comfortable going back to work at 6 weeks because I didn't have to worry about sending her off to daycare.
It has been great during this long cold winter to not have to drag DD out of the house every day. She hasn't been sick once *knock on wood*
The funniest thing is that he tells me they have a special cookies and milk time each day. Daddy eats cookies and she has milk
MH has an unusual job where he's traveling for half the year (basically gone for 6 months) and the rest of the year he is gone on weekends only. So during the fall/winter he's a SAHD.
He's gearing up to hit the road again for 5 months which means we go back to daycare FT. With a second child on the way, daycare will cost about $40,000 per year.
I make way more than him and have all the benfits, so it was a no-brainer. And he doesn't make enough after taxes to cover a $40,000 a year daycare bill. We'll be better off financially with him not working. He's going to finish the season, but come fall, he'll be a SAHD all the time. I can't wait!
DH got laid off in October and has been a SAHD since (we pulled DD out of daycare b/c we couldn't afford it w/o his salary). It's been fantastic to see DH bond with DD. He only got to spend a week at home when she was born and now they're so close! (She's 15 months) I'll admit that sometimes I get jealous of the fun stuff they do but overall it's been positive. It does make it hard for DH to job search, so he does that at night when I'm home. I don't know of any resources but meetup.org has SAHD groups in some cities.