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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Staying at home/working from home moms - are you loosing it? Help!
I have been working from home part time for the past year to be with DD. I have become a bit down from being home all the time, nothing is exciting, or fun, just feeling blah. DH wants me to go back full time, going into an actual office and putting DD in a daycare. He thinks it will be great for me to have time to myself again, and be more a sane mom, and also for her to have interaction with other kids.
Here is the thing. I feel like the reason why I would put DD in daycare is because I am selfish and I want a break in my day from taking care of her. Writing it out even seems horrible to admit to me. If you didnt have to, would you put DD in a daycare?
I feel like a horrible mother b/c I know alot of moms out there would love to be in my shoes and have the option to work from home to be with their kids. What's wrong with me?
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Re: Staying at home/working from home moms - are you loosing it? Help!
There isn't anything wrong with you. I really think that SAH is a very tough job and is not for everyone. I also think some moms are just better moms when they have time to themselves or are working moms. If going back to work and putting DD is daycare will make you a happier person, it's probably better for your DD too.
That being said, I love staying home with dd and would never put her in daycare and go back to work (if I didn't have to).
GL!!
First of all, you are NOT a horrible mom! Mom's need breaks, too! I went from working crazy hours to a SAHM and know exactly what you are talking about. I ended up joining a mom's group through meetup.com and stroller strides (a workout group for mom's). I have made amazing friends and find myself so busy that I am rarely at home. I get to hang out w/ other mom's and let my DS play!!!!
Take care of yourself, though, because a happy mom makes for a happy family!!!!!!!!!!! (At least in my case.)
I work full time from home and still put Sarah in daycare. I actually put her in 2 days before I went back to work so I could "practice" the routine (actually, to go home and cry my eyes out without having to concentrate on work). Unfortunately there is no way I could work at home and watch her at the same time, she is super-active (has been since she was born). I really miss being in an office environment, it gets kinda lonely here by myself all day (well...except my 2 dogs).
All of that being said...Sarah LOVES, LOVES, LOVES her daycare! She goes to a Kindercare center. She has amazing teachers and her BFF is 2 weeks younger than her...she has other friends who are about the same age as well. She is learning SO MUCH! Now I actually worry that I will lose my job and have to pull her out of daycare!
There is nothing selfish about wanting time to yourself outside of being a mom. As important as it is for DC to have social interaction with other kids it's just as important for you to have it as well, even if it's in a work environment.
Good luck in whatever decision you make!
Have you looked into joining a mom's group? Do you have any friends who also have babies that you can hang out with? I definitely get stir crazy being at home with DS all the time, and it's always a nice relief to get out and talk to other grown-ups. I also try to go out for happy hourwith my childless friends every once in awhile, and that is always a nice break, too.
But even if those ideas don't help, there's nothing wrong with you - some moms would rather work than stay at home full-time. It's not a bad thing and doesn't make you a bad mom! I think everyone in a family benefits when mothers are doing what makes them happy...
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
That is a very complex issue. I know I struggled being a SAHM, but I miss my son too much to go back to work full time. That is why I am FT WAHM.
It is okay to admit being a SAHM is not for you. Either way you choose you will probably feel like you are missing out on something. But it isn't horrendous to give being a FT WM a try.
Another thing is: do you have mommy groups and activities to do during the day. I know when I started doing that rather than just staying at home it made this all more bearable.
It is not selfish. Going back to work my be the driving force behind putting DD in daycare but your DH is correct. Social interaction will be really good for her.
If I didn't have to I put DS in daycare I would still have him in a preschool program at least a few days a week.
Even if you going back to work was just for you it ultimately makes you a happier better mom in turn DD is better off. Don't beat yourself up.
I think that there isn't anything wrong with you. I am feeling the same way. I'm seriously considering going back to work for the 2009-2010 school year because I miss my job and just don't think that I'm a very good SAHM. I think that putting DS in daycare when he is a toddler could be good for him anyway. He would get daily interaction with kids, which is something he definitely misses out on now. I feel like the teachers in daycare could provide him with more learning opportunities than I currently do, because they know how to interact with kids his age.
Ideally, I'd like to get a PT job, but that's a hard thing to find when you teach high school. It would be great if I could though, because then DS could have only 1/2 day in daycare.
Is there any way that you could find a part time job in an actual office? That way, you get time away from your DD, but you also get to spend some time with her as well.
Haven't read everyone else wrote.
I take DD to work with me everyday. Thought I do bring a lot of work home with me the days we have to leave early (she is in my office all day and somedays does not want to stay).
I have a babysitter (my old one actually) that watches her for 4 hours on Monday to give me a breather at work (you know move around when I want to move around) and in the fall she will be doing the toddler program at my church 2 hopefully 3 days a week till noon. Then she will be back at work. I know what you are saying with feeling blah maybe find someone to watch her for a few hours so you can go into work or find a toddler program that is half day so you can have some time to do something so you don't feel like you are in a holding pattern. If that doesn't work I don't think its selfish to go back full time. We all need our time to ourselves to feel re-energized.
I could really use daycare today, he is a little terror. My stance is a happy mom is a good mom, regardless of your choice. I also think that men don't always get it, their is no fix or old self. The person that you were is gone, you change and evolve. Going to work won't flip some magic switch.
Have you considered a mother's helper? I used to do that in college for a work at home mom. I can't imagine getting work done without someone to help out.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Don't beat yourself up! Sometimes it can be hard being at home all day with DC. Do you participate in any "Moms Morning Out" events? I do and they watch DS for 3 whole hours every 1st and 3rd Friday morning---I love it and it helps ALOT!
Are you a member of any mom groups where you can get out and socialize? Is your DD a part of any extra-curricular activites---for example, Gymboree, a music class, art class, storytime, playdates, etc.?
Yes, alot of mothers would love to be in your shoes. To answer your question, no I would never put DS into daycare if I didn't have to.
Motherhood is an adjustment. It takes awhile from going from "me-me-me" to "child-child-child"---but you HAVE to take time for yourself too or you'll go crazy ;-)
You're not a horrible mother. Everyone has days when they need a break!
Have you thought about doing a Mother's Day Out program? I am a SAHM but soon to be WAHM and I think I am going to do a MDO with my DS so that he will have interaction with other kids and I can work for those 10 or 15 hours he is at MDO during the week. (It's 5 hours a day, you can do 2 days a week or 3)
((hugs)) You already got some great suggestions from others, so I won't repeat them, but try to take care of yourself, hard as it can be sometimes! Hang in there