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3rd Trimester
How would you respond?
Background Info: My DH and I agreed that he would pick the name if it is a boy and I would pick the name if it is a girl (this is only because he was/is dead set on having a junior while I wanted to do the same initial thing if it was a boy). We are due in eight days and this will be a surprise delivery so this question may be moot.
Question: Suddenly (as in he mentioned it for the first time this past weekend), my DH thinks his mother will feel slighted if I go with the middle name I have planned for a girl (my mother's first name). My mother is my best friend and her name is not only important to be because it is her name but it is also my grandmother and great-grandmother's middle name so has family history. I had choosen this name months ago and heard no comment/response from my husband until now. I am irritated and annoyed that he dropped this opinion bomb now and don't know if I should feel guilty and come up with a new middle name or just leave it as is (assuming this is even a little girl).
P.S. I have already informed my mom of the baby's name if it is a girl so feel strange changing it now.
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Re: How would you respond?
#1- His mom will live. It's really none of her business anyway.
#2- Unless he wants to compromise on the "Jr" thing, I think he has to live with your choice. After all, that was the deal.
Ditto
I'd explain to him that if it's a boy, you're using a name from his side of the family (his - as the baby would be Jr) and if it's a girl you're using a name from your side of the family (your mother's, great-grandmother's and grandmother's name.
If his mother says something to you, you can explain how it's a family tradition from your family all the way back to your great-grandmother.
You can do a few things. The first would be to give the girl baby two middle names--your mom's name to be first, of course. The second is to stick to your guns and tell him the next girl would be his mom's middle name. Third, you can tell him that his mom needs to suck it up and be a grown up. The boy will have the jr tradition from his side (even if it's starting with you, it's kind of 'tradition') and the girl baby will have the tradition from you.
However, I would make him a deal. Say that you will give the girl baby two middle names IF and ONLY IF he doesn't do Jr. If you want Jr, too, then that won't work. But the deal would have to be that he can have input in YOUR choice if you get to have input in HIS choice. If he doesn't agree, you can explain to his mom why you chose the name you did and how you didn't mean for it to offend her--her name will be the MN of the next girl baby, but this was very important to you.
Sounds to me like you're holding up to your end of the agreement. This is your choice (and he agreed that this would be your decision), not his or his mom's. You're not responsible for her feelings if she feels insulted or slighted.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
ITA. My sister used my MIL's name as her DD's MN and not my mom's. It's never been an issue. You can think about using his mom's name for another DD if you like.
And sorry about the two above this -- no idea why they appeared and won't let me delete them.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
I can't stand my MIL and the ONE time she commented about the name we picked, I said, "Sorry Eileen but you had your chance at naming babies when you had your own."
She hasn't said anything about it since, and that was about 2 months ago.
Stick to your guns and don't let her selfishness get to you. It's YOUR baby, and the name is up to you you and your husband - nobody else.
My thoughts exactly.
I would pretend that he never said anything about it! If he mentions it again you can say you are thinking of other possibilities.
When that baby is born and he sees everything you've just gone through (and considers the long 9 months you carried her in your belly) - you just bat your eyelashes and say her name.
Ditto