Moms...The first week...
Will I really want help the first week I get home with the baby? Part of me thinks I'll just want to be left alone (with DH) with the baby to bond (without my mom being there trying to take the baby, etc.). Or, will I really want someone else at home (besides DH) to take care of the baby? (My mom will prob. not take care of things around the house - so I would rather her not just be there, if I won't want anyone else).
Also - if you think DH will be enough that first week - how do you tell your parents and ILs that you want to wait to have "other visitors"? Or do you just grin and bear it when they want to come over? Maybe I can offer a compromise - like "the hours between noon and 4 are good for us", etc. That way, no one is overstaying their welcome, and we still get "parent time."
Luckily, my parents will not be staying with us when they visit - so they will have somewhere else to go if I want some alone time. I am just trying to get prepared what to say if that's what I will want. (but when it comes down to it, I will probably just get frustrated blurt out "leave me alone!" LOL!)
Re: Moms...The first week...
FWIW -
I don't like help. Ever. From anyone. Having said that, my mom did stay with me the first week, and when she left my MIL came over everyday for a few hours. First of all, I had a CS. I was drugged up and recovering. I loved that someone else took care of feeding me and DH. I loved that someone (Mom) told me that I needed to just take a long, hot shower. I loved that I could sleep as much as I needed to. I loved that my mom woke up with the baby for his 3am feeding. I'm very close with my mom, and she really took great care of me. She never stepped on my toes. Even when my MIL was around and she didn't always know where things went, it was helpful to have someone else around. DH had to go back to work quickly since he stayed with me for several days in the hospital.
On the other hand, I was having major supply issues with BFing. I had to pump to get up my supply. Ultimitely, the trauma of my delivery (you don't want to know, and it won't happen to you,) kept me wound so tightly for so long that I never gained a supply. This is relevant because pumping and trying to BF was stressful with people around all of the time. Honestly, that was my only complaint. My mom and MIL knew how to help, and that was what I needed. I cried like a baby when my mom left.
I didn't want anyone to come and stay with me, but I'm so grateful that my wishes weren't honored. If you do decide to have people around, draw some boundaries from the get-go. Delegate roles - in a nice, gracious way, of course. It will be a blur.
I wish my mom would come now. Haha. She is such a help around my house and I always love mom's home cooked meals. As for us, we are so very grateful mom is coming as DH is only going to be off a couple of days after baby arrives. I can't wait...only a few more weeks!!!
So Tasty, So Yummy
Ditto this 100%
I needed help because of the section.
A generous friend provided someone for a week - she kept me fed and allowed me to shower. She also did the laundry and ran errands - I was thrilled she was there.
My mom, dad, sister and nephew came into town the week Zachary was born. We were in a 650 sq ft condo at the time, and it was absolutely overwhelming to have all of those people around. They didn't stay with us, but were over quite a bit. It was nice to have someone there to take care of cooking and cleaning, but I think it would have been better if it was just the two of us. Everyone saw my boobs that week between learning how to BF and pumping because there was just nowhere else to go in our tiny condo.
I think that when we have #2, I will welcome the extra help for Zachary's sake! We'll definitely be in a bigger place, so we won't have the same issues next time around.
GL! There's nothing like those first few weeks. They'll be hard - but savor them!
Since you already know your mom won't help around the house, then I would definitely say you don't want her around that first (or even second) week.
All my mom did was hold M. And since my mom had trouble BFing me, as soon as M and I started having issues, my mom was like, can I give her a bottle? Can I give her a bottle? I know the stress my mom caused me certainly didn't help with our issues BFing.
I could have used help a lot more around the one month mark, when she started being more awake and we didn't have any routines in place. Those first few tiny newborn weeks are easy (in retrospect) because they really do just sleep, eat, and poop. Oh, and cry
One tip I heard for giving visitors the message is to wear your PJs/bathrobe when people come over. That way they get the idea that you are still taking it easy and hopefully won't overstay their welcome.
j+k+m+e | running with needles
I had my sister (we're very close) there for the first 4-5 days home. She was awesome. PPD runs big in our family, it was nice to have someone there forcing me to go to bed and helping DH out. He was super nervous. Plus she made a bunch of meals to freeze and cleaned up.
That said, it sounds like from your post you'd be more comfortable with just you and DH. It's another lovely "to each their own" situation. Most family (especially other moms) understand and will hopefully respect your wishes on how you want to do it. Just be honest and say you want some bonding time with your new family, I think the between the hours of this and this is a great idea.
This is what I am afraid of. I am lucky that they won't be staying at my house, and maybe my dad can keep my mom "in check" and take her home when needed. lol. I may consider just giving them certain "hours", or ask them to phone before they come over. I wouldn't mind them cooking for me, but I can't see my mom offering that...so, we'll see. My dad, would, though - so maybe they will be allowed over for dinnertime (if they cook it!). haha.
We didn't have any help from family members in the first few weeks...and we didn't really have anyone offer either. I had friends make dinner for us and stop by during the evenings to hold the baby while I showered or just took a break. DH was able to take the first week off and it was nice for it to just be us. DH was in charge of visitors and, fortunately, most everyone called beforehand and cleared their visit with us before coming over.
My mom came over everyday for a week (luckily since she was only 20 minutes away, she went home every night! lol) and I was so so grateful for that. She cleaned the house and cooked us dinner every night and let me rest with Kaitlyn and just do whatever I needed to do. (It was also very helpful that Micaela was at her dad's for that first week, until his wife went into labor. lol) His parents visited during the day only and after that first week would come in the afternoon, cook dinner and stay awhile, then leave. Unfortunately since I couldn't take the stairs well, they saw a lot of my boobs those first weeks. haha
As the others said, it's very much a personal decision. If you feel it will be more trouble than it's worth, then definitely set boundaries and stick to them!
My mom was here for the first 4 weeks after Avery was born (DH was gone) and was amazing! She cooked, cleaned, helped with the baby, drove me around, etc. We have already decided that if DH is here this time, we won't have help until he leaves and then my mom is coming straight back.
I know DH's mom is a PITA and she would just stress me out, so we told her she can't come until DH is back from his rig move and I have recovered from L&D.
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I wanted so badly for it to just be DH and I and our baby. But G didn't come before my MIL got here so she was here. I hated every second of it. I don't think she "helped" me. She held my baby and kind of ruined our first couple of weeks.
She didn't know where anything went and asked me EVERYTHING from how to run my dishwasher to where every single thing went. She nagged me about doing my laundry. It was horrible. It was easier just to do it all myself than have to explain everything. So really I had a brand new baby, I was trying to figure out the whole being a mom thing, AND I had a houseguest that I felt I had to entertain and I had to clean up after.
But I also had a very easy labor and delivery so I was able to do all of that stuff myself.
My mom was helpful, but she did very little to help with the baby so that DH and I could feel our own way. She spent most of her days cooking for us, cleaning up, helping with the inevitable visitors. Some days we had to remember to let her hold the baby by the end of the day!!
Having someone in your home is hard I think especially if you don't have one of those "sleeping like a baby" babies (I didn't). DH and I did not really even start to hit our stride until I was not subconsciously worried about waking or bothering someone in another room of the house. That being said, if you can lay the proper groundwork/expectations, it is nice to have a mom around who can bring you a snack while BFing, help with a bottle if FFing, or just hold the baby in between feedings when you are tired or needing a break. In my opinion, DH's can do that just fine if you decide to forgo visitors.