S/O do you have a different bedtime to DH?

marrymemylove · March 2009

DH and I adjusted our bedtime range (now around 12-12:30) and still go to bed together.

I realize people have their reasons but it seems really odd to me that couples would go to bed at different times, I mean without 1 working shift work or something.

How do you have a marriage rather than a roommate if you don't eat, sleep and that kind of stuff at the same time together??

zigby · March 2009

DH goes to bed pretty much when he gets home. He eats something and falls asleep on the sofa and then moves to our bed. He gets home usually between 8-11 though...I go to bed between 12-1 usually. We don't get to spend much time together unfortunately even if I wasn't a SAHM he would still have to work the hours he works.

summerbrideDC · March 2009

LOL, because my marriage consists of more than meals and bedtimes.?

It varies every night.?

firefightersgal · March 2009

DH goes to bed earlier than me the majority of the time. I just wake him up when I go to bed for a snuggle or more. We do everything else together, though--a lot. He's off 20 days a month!

marrymemylove · March 2009

That sucks I used to work 9-11 sometimes later. DH always waited up for me and we still went to bed together. When I had to work until 3am or so for a while before we had DS, DH used to come up to my work and wait for me in my office. So sweet. And after we had DS he would bring DS with him unless it was freezing outside.

marrymemylove · March 2009

FFG that makes sense.

MrsSledge · March 2009

I usually go to bed before DH, around 10:30 or so. Tonight DH went up at 9:45. I don't know why we don't go to bed at the same time. I never really thought about. We do a couple times a week, but the majority of the time we don't. He likes to stay up late, and I have to be up earlier. p;us, he has this thing about falling asleep with the TV on. It drives me crazy, so it's better if he turns it on after I'm asleep, or I turn it off after he's asleep.

ETA: We don't always eat together either. He likes to eat when he gets home from work, and it's usually a couple hours before I get home. It works for us.

ali-1411 · March 2009

We used to go to bed at the same time, until I got pg with DD. Then I was freakin exhausted and going to bed much earlier than he did. Now he leaves for work very early so he goes to bed early and I stay up with the baby.

knmommy · March 2009

My DH also goes to bed later than me. He can't go to bed earlier than 11 (he can't fall asleep) and I can't normally stay awake past 10. I also need to fall asleep w/the TV on, he can't. We do have alone time together every night from 8-10 (after kids to bed) I come upstairs at 10 and he stays downstairs and watches one of his shows that I don't like. It works for us.

mrsterry · March 2009

It's just something that happens. I'm the type of person that goes to bed when she's tired and won't when she's not. So that usually makes for different bed time. Shoot, that's even provided MH goes to sleep at all. He's spent months on little to no sleep before....

GavinsGirlApril · March 2009

yeah i agree that a marriage doesnt revolve around meals and bedtime! LOL we do eat dinner together as a family every night, but don't necesarily go to bed at the same time. I can barely stay up past 11 (like now, i'm about to pass out) and dh can't go to bed earlier than 12 normally unless he's just exhausted himself.?

marrymemylove · March 2009

I think negotiating a mutually agreeable usual bedtime is part of being a couple. OTherwise you're just doing your own thing, might as well live on your own. Same for meals unless 1 is getting in 5 hours later than the other. It isn't the meals or the sleep it is the mutuality that makes the marriage. And I don't think sex is what makes the difference, I know too many flatmates with benefits from my old workplace. Not to mention university.

summerbrideDC · March 2009

I disagree with you on that. ?I think there's a lot to be said for "doing your own thing" within a marriage to some degree. ?

Unless he has to work late, we usually have dinner together, spend several hours together in the evening and if I'm tired, I go to bed before him. Sometimes I read, or do a crossword puzzle, or watch a show DH doesn't want to watch. ?it's great "me" time and I don't think it detracts from my marriage at all. ?If anything, having that bit of alone time is rejuvenating and makes us stronger as a couple. ?

That's our experience; other couples might feel a need to have that mutually agreed upon bed time--I don't feel I need to judge them as having some sort of marital problem just b/c they do something my DH and I don't. ??

?

marrymemylove · March 2009

The question I asked was "HOW" and no one has really answered that. Maybe it is possible, I just can't see how.?

I wonder how it correlates with having lived on your own before marriage. I lived on my own for about 4 years. I have had enough me time, I want couple time. He's the same. The me time to have a long shower and do my hair in the morning is enough me time for me.?

gracendantho26 · March 2009

We rarely go to bed at the exact same time but I can assure you we are not merely roomates. Wink

We even usually cosleep with a kid or two but that does not mean we do not get our grownup time together. Where there is a will there is a way!

gracendantho26 · March 2009

And to blow the roof off of this whole topic I'd prefer separate single beds (pushed together when needed) to one bed that we sleep in together. I just prefer my space at night. My husband is super cuddly and I love him to bits and pieces but I could totally be down with a Lucy/Desi setup. I honestly and truly don't get why we need to go to bed together at the same time or even sleep in the same bed every night.

Zenya · March 2009

We go to bed at different times. DH gets up for work at 5:30 in the morning. We also always have one baby in bed with us and lately both are there. I don't really know how that makes us roomates. It might shock you to know that you can actually have sex other places and times.

HTH.

leiann2003 · March 2009

Sometimes we go to sleep at the same time, but dh can be a night owl and sometimes stays up a little longer and plays video games, watches TV, etc. He also works in sales and works into the evening many nights so we don't really eat dinner together on a regular basis. That's just the way it is and it doesn't really seem to be hurting our marriage or anything.

MelandJeff · March 2009

We go to bed at the same time 6 out of 7 days a week. Mondays he plays hockey and doesn't get home until 1:00 a.m. He skates at 10 pm, then they go back to their team mates house to watch the video of the game, critique it and tip back a couple of beers, so I am almost always asleep by then.

mauceddie · March 2009

Well, I don't see that we shoudl have to negotiate a similar bedtime. I need 8+ hours of sleep or I am a zombie. Dh needs 7 hours. I don't see why we would negotiate for one of us to be tired or the other lying there staring at the ceiling.

How do we do it? I have no idea how to answer that-- I go to bed at 10, and he goes to bed at 11.

marrymemylove · March 2009

The human body is very flexible, as anyone who has had a kid should know. I just don't believe the "I need x hrs sleep" thing. You need something in a range, nothing is absolute. And we can all cope with less as proved by parenthood.

DH and I ideally would probably have bedtimes about 2 hours apart. That's EASILY in the range of a normal adult to adjust to. Not to do so seems awfully individualistic and anti-the-marriage to me personally.?

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