am i nuts for thinking i can do this mostly on my own?

mickey84 · February 2009

DH is going to be gone for the birth of our first baby and for 8 weeks after that yet Crying

I'm willing to accept help and i know i'll appreciate it.. but my parents think i should move in with them for a bit. I dont know what to do because i do like my own space, i'm pretty independant but i know that i am a sensitive person and i will take DH's being gone really hard. I guess i can just take it one day at a time and if i need an extra hand i could sleep over there for a few days. Suggestions??

star173 · February 2009

Everyone is different, but if you have a good relationship with your parents, I'd SO take them up on their offer- maybe sleep home now and again. Could you do it, yes, but it will be much more difficult. I had a couple nights where I woke DH up in tears because I was SO tired and really needed his help.

I'm so sorry your Dh won't be there. I wish you the best!

JARbaby · February 2009

If you have a c-section you will need the help for the first few weeks. My first recovery I was golden in 1 week. After my 2nd I could not so much as walk upright for 3.5.

Can someone stay with you?

PPD hit hard when I was alone for 2 weeks and that was with DH, DD and my Mom downstairs. I was isolated on the 4th floor with the baby because I could not move well.

Being alone with all those scary first few weeks of hormones is not a good idea. You need support, even if the birth and recovery is easy. It is emotionally very hard.

redhead2466 · February 2009

There is an interesting thread further down that might be worth reading:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/11737414.aspx

A poster asking for input re: becoming a single parent. Obviously, a lot of it won't apply to you as you are married, and it won't be forever....but it's still good food for thought.

Fordlor · February 2009

Move in with your parents. Enjoy the help- you will most definitely need it. I can't possibly imagine going through the first eight weeks with my DD by myself. Honestly, I give mad props to single mothers. Iif you can move in with your parents I absolutely recommend you do that.

brideofaussie · February 2009

You *should not* be pridefully independent regarding the birth of your child. You will need help and you should accept it.

Could you do it by yourself? Yes. Should you? IMO no.

DBride2006 · February 2009

If I didn't have my DH and my parents offered, I would definitely plan on staying with them for the first month or so (then still needing a lot of support after that). I was very capable of taking care of DS "on my own" and since I was breast feeding, there was little DH could do for the baby. But I relied heavily on him to cook, clean, take care of the dogs & take care of DS now and then so I could get a little extra sleep. When DS was fed and wide awake at 5:00 AM after you'd been up every two hours all night, it was really nice to be able to let DH take him for a couple hours while I slept.

You COULD try doing it on your own, and "move in" if you need to, but if it were me, I'd do it the other way around (and I'm very independent- DH and I didn't have any help or anyone stay with us when DS was born).?

kwily · February 2009

Move in with your parents. It's a great offer and it will take at least a few weeks for you to adjust both physically and emotionally to being a mother. You don't have to stay the entire 8 weeks-- if you start to feel really good, just move home.

tiffyr0se · February 2009

If you have a good relationship with the parents, I would stay with them or invite them to stay with you for the first couple of weeks. Those first 2 weeks are rough, I wouldn't want to do them alone. You may not need them for the full 8 weeks, but I would ask them (or someone) to come relieve you a couple times a week.

mickey84 · March 2009

hmmm. Thanks for the feedback, ladies.

I do have a good relationship with my parents, especially my mom. I think maybe i will move in with them for the first two weeks or so and then take it from there. I especially dont want to take DD/DS to an empty home... i think i would be a wreck!

Amie Schulz · March 2009

Personally, I could never move in with my parents. I could however, have my mom come stay with me on and off thru out that time. For the 1st week I wanted it to be just me and my dd. After that, a couple days of week I had mil come and help out and and my mom came the next week for a few days. The help is nice, but honestly, you wont' need it 24-7.

Are they in a place to come and help a few days a week?

pinkbubbles · March 2009

Before DS was born i was very anal about how things were done. i hated people to help me because i was not happy with how they helped etc. DH loves to help me clean etc and it drives me nuts. that was until DS was born. and OMG. my mother came down for a few days and i could care less what she did and i am SUPER anal about everything. her help was the best and i wish she could live here for MONTHS lol. i say MOVE in with your parents. trust me. babies are time consuming. i don't have time at all to take a shower or eat unless someone is here holding and taking care of my DS. with my mom or DH home i get soo much done and i am less stressed too.?

LucyPevensie · March 2009

Stay with your parents. It is harder than you can imagine - seriously. I was shocked at hard it all was - the lack of sleep, the hormones - it messes with your head. It is an exhaustion like you've never known - and an anxiety too as you begin to care for a new baby that relies on you for EVERYTHING. Sometimes it is hard to find time or to put the baby down just to go to the bathroom. You can't do it alone. I know people DO .. but no one really should. Honestly - it's not safe. You need help - and lots of it. Move in with your parents for a while after the birth.

BecauseICan · March 2009

Everyone has pretty much said what I am thinking...but yes, you should take them up on the offer, or if you would rather be in your own bed, have them come stay with you. Those first few weeks are really really hard--I am an independent person too, and I was thanking God every day that I didn't have to do it alone.

TARAnj · March 2009

I would stay with them for atleast a week or 2. It was so hard and definately needed thehelp. I had my husband for 2 weeks and my mom stopped by often and we were still overwhelmed. We still are!

Megan Briggs · March 2009

I think you will want a mix of privacy and help. Are they willing to come over to your place sometimes to give you a hand?

After he went back to work, I let my DH sleep at night. His main roll was to play with the baby in the evening so I could nap and he cooked dinner and did laundry. Are those things your parents are willing to come over and do? I had my MIL come one day a week and my parents one day a week and a mom's group another day. I actually would have liked more privacy.

So, I think you could do it mostly on your own, but definitely keep family and friends nearby for help around the house and some occasional grown up company.

jenerally · March 2009

The first 2-3 weeks I was grateful for any help I could get ... after that, about a month in or so, I felt better and felt better able to handle things on my own.

My advice is ... move in temporarily and leave when 1.) they make you crazy or 2.) you feel ready to go.

Mrs.BLG · March 2009

I honestly don't think I could have made it in the beginning if I didn't have my DH. My Mom did come and stay for a week and 1/2 and then I cried when she left b/c DH has already been back at work and I didn't know how I was going to make it alone.

The first 3 months are the hardest. It didn't get better for me until DS turned 4 months.

Like other ppl have said, everyone is different, so you may not feel the same way I did. However, IMO, I think you should take all the help you can get!

GL!

Marie Tourville · March 2009

If it were me I'd have them move in with me. For some reason being in my own home helped me relax and function better.

But definately take the help! I think we as a society have gone too far away from what it used to be like. In the 'olden days' it was quite common for the new mom to have help come to her for at least a month after the baby was born. I believe that this is where the term 'babymoon' came from. The new mom had no other duties but to nurse and care for her new babe. Food and drink was brought to her and she was able to heal from the birth and bond with her baby.

mickey84 · March 2009

Hippy:

If it were me I'd have them move in with me. For some reason being in my own home helped me relax and function better.

But definately take the help! I think we as a society have gone too far away from what it used to be like. In the 'olden days' it was quite common for the new mom to have help come to her for at least a month after the baby was born. I believe that this is where the term 'babymoon' came from. The new mom had no other duties but to nurse and care for her new babe. Food and drink was brought to her and she was able to heal from the birth and bond with her baby.

Oh, that would be so nice! What's up with things nowadays? Maybe we all did it to ourselves - trying to be these independant women and everything. My mom stayed in the hospital after she had a baby for a whole week and she had a nanny live in with us for two months after each baby was born.. she had six ;-) I guess i could do that too, if i had the $...

Thanks again for the advice ladies.... we'll see what happens..

Want a personalized experience?

am i nuts for thinking i can do this mostly on my own?

Re: am i nuts for thinking i can do this mostly on my own?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards