Posted on Craigslist

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah)                  
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
Reply to: pers-982078099@craigslist.org [ ?]                              
                                                                           
                                                                           
Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST                                              
                                                                           
                                                                           
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I   
hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You 
also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come

across this message. I'd like to apologize.                              

                                                                           
                                                                           
I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you   

took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that      
evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just

bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just  
picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?   
It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? 
   
                                                                           
                                                                           
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever   

you'd come from with that brown stinking sludge flopping about in your   

pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your   

shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any 

of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty  
of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your
cell, and
explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your   
card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go 
Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet 

itself in a dumpster.                                                     
                                                                           
                                                                           
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your 

bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the

line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I
don't 
know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut
off   
your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's

office with it. Oh well.                                                  
                                                                           
                                                                           
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did
this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you.
I'm 
sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out.
I'd   
like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand 
did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for 

not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm    

hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you 

might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do   

lunch and laundry. Peace!                                                 
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
- Alex