Cincinnati Babies

My BF confession

This is kind of hard to admit...I don't find much satisfaction/reward from breastfeeding.  As a matter of fact, it is more frustrating to me than anything else.  And sometimes, I downright hate it.  I feel awful saying it but it's the truth. Many of you know that we had a rough start and really, she didn't start BFing effectively until around three weeks.  Well, I still don't know how effectively she feeds...I feel like she is on me all.the.time.  I feel like I can't leave the house because she is so inconsistent with her feeding times and just when I think she's full...she wants to nurse again.  And our sessions can go on for hours.  I am still nursing with a nipple shield, she screams if I try to nurse without it.  Maybe this has something to do with not feeling like this is the bonding experience I always thought it would be.

Honestly, if it wasn't for a supportive DH, my mom and you girls...I think I would have thrown in the towel by now.  I want to do this for her but I also don't want her to feel my frustration.  And I just keep thinking that it will get better and if I give up today, tomorrow could have been the day that things improved.  I just thought it would be easier by now...there are days I am at my wits end and just want to be done with it.

I'm trying not to be selfish here.  Maybe I just need to suck it up and if you think that is the case, feel free to tell me to do so.  Thanks for reading and letting me vent.

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

Re: My BF confession

  • You ought to try to meet with a lactation consultant to see if she is really getting milk all those times. Sometimes I know you go in for an appointment and they weigh her before you nurse and then after and she how much milk she drank.

    Then, if she isn't getting anything, they can tell you what to do.

    {{hugs}}

  • Aww, hang in there! Piper had problems weaning from the nipple shield too and I know that thing is a pain - just keep trying, I had resigned myself to always using it and one day when she was about 3 months old she just latched without it and never looked back. I know you probably feel like you've been BF forever now, and things should be improving (and I bet they are improving, some, since your'e still doing it), but you're still really early in the game. It's totally normal not to love it and feel so comfortable with it at this point.

    And there's nothing wrong with formula feeding, but I know that when you're struggling with BF it can be easy to "glamorize" it (for lack of a better word) in your head, thinking about how easy it would be, etc. We started supplementing when Piper was 8 months old and I can tell you that it's also a big pain in it's own ways (not to mention a huge expense.)

    So let go of the guilt and just take it a day at a time. You are doing great!!!

  • Loading the player...
  • I'm not a Mom yet.... but I get SO furious when Mom's are made to feel bad and terrible because they can't or simply DONT want to BF. It is such a personal choice...

    The best thing for your baby is a happy and content Mommy. It sounds like you are giving it your all... you should be so proud of yourself! What about pumping instead? That way you know how much she's getting and someone else can help with the feedings to give you a break?

    Please, please don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing a fantastic job!

     

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I never did love BFing and never did feel like it was a huge bonding experience.  I only stuck with it because I was too cheap and stubborn to stop.  I would see a LC about your concerns about her nursing so frequently and for so long, but not everyone loves BFing and that's okay.  I'm not sure what I'll do with the next kid.  I want to BF again, but the thought of it scares me.
  • I went through a period of time when I wanted to throw in the towel as well right before I went back to work.  I went to a La Leche meeting and it was great.  Nursing is HARD WORK!  And it's ok to have those feelings.  I thought being at the meeting was nice because it was more like a support group.  Many of the moms had been through similar experiences and it helped just to hear that I wasn't alone.  It's hard when they want to be attached all the time.....especially in the evening when DH gets home and you want to hand off DC for 30 min of piece and all they want to do is BF!!!!!
    image
    Jennie Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Aw, you're doing great.  I didn't love nursing until she was a bit older, probably 4 months or so. I felt like a 24 7  vending machine sometimes. I look back and realize how some evenings she was on the boob for hours at a stretch.

    I second the suggestion about going in to see a lactation consultant. We took full advantage of that service, and they are so helpful. 

    image Ready to rumble.
  • I'll be honest in that I don't love BF either!  I don't mind it and don't dread it, I just don't feel like it's a huge bonding experience for us.  We seem to bond better in other ways. 

    You have to do what's best for you.  If that means throwing in the towel, than by all means, throw in the towel!  I think if you give it a little more time, it will become a lot easier though.  In the last week or two, Allie has become much more efficient and feeding times have decreased drastically which leaves more time for the fun stuff like cuddling, playing, singing, reading, etc.

    imageimage
    Photos courtesy of Jen Rose Photography
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I had a major struggle to BF DS, not to mention a terrible recovery from a c-section.  I was not producing enough, nor was he latching on.  We moved to formula.  For a long time I wondered if I had made the right choice.  I finally stopped thinking about it and am okay with it.  I will try my best again for #2 and hope that I'll have a better recovery and supply.  I really admire you for sticking with it even though it's hard! I do wish I would have tried harder.  Good luck!
    Married 12.27.03
    image

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I've said it before and I'll say it again: This is normal for the place you're at. You're not supposed to love it yet. You shouldn't put pressure on yourself or feel guilty for feeling that way when so many women do. However, it should start getting easier soon. If it's still extremely difficult and you want to continue, you really should see a lactation consultant. But we were at the same place you are for a long time: nursing took forever, I felt like that was all I did most days, she ate every two hours, I could never go anywhere for any length of time.

    And there's no shame in formula feeding if you've had enough. Your baby will be perfectly fine if you feed her formula. But really, if you want to continue, please see a lactation consultant. It made me feel so much better to have proof of her intake. The LC also diagnosed us both with thrush, which I would not have known about and was making BFing extremely painful. So seeing one (multiple times) was very helpful to us.

    ETA: BFing only got easier for me around 2 months, and I didn't enjoy it until probably 6 months or so. And while I love knowing Ellie loves to nurse and needs me for that, it has never been that "gazing lovingly and adoringly into each other's eyes" experience for us that they showed on the videos in BFing class. At this point, it's more likely that Ellie's punching me in the eye while nursing than looking lovingly into them. :)

    image

    Photo by Melissa Nicole Photography

    imageimage
  • You should be proud you've stuck with it even for this long. I gave it a few days and then just gave up when she wouldn't latch or suck. I have regrets about this now, mostly because formula feeding has its own issues (like cost and the huge inconvenience of mixing bottles at night when they still eat at night!).

    I agree with all the pp in that you might want to see a lac consultant. This may give you some tips on seeing how much she is taking in.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • One other thing I thought of - LLL's website has a feature to ask a question...I sent many messages to the person that responded to me. She even emailed me to check on me when she hadn't heard from me in a while.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"