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Is this thunder stealing?

mrsterrymrsterry member
in Parenting

My BIL wants to propose to his girlfriend this summer when they go on a family vacation to Disney.  He wants to go through the motions of asking her father for her hand. They are going to her brother's wedding in April and he's thinking about asking her father then.

So, is it thunder stealing to privately ask her father for her hand while they're visiting for the wedding?  The thing is that he really wants to do it in person and that's the only time (before the Disney vacation) that they will see one another.

 

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Re: Is this thunder stealing?

  • j-wj-w
    I think that's ok.  I respect the fact that he'd like to ask in person, so that outweighs the timing for me.
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  • Kelly MadonnaKelly Madonna
    I don't think so, no.
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  • knmommyknmommy
    I don't think so, only because he is not actually proposing at their wedding.  He is just asking permission.  She won't even know about it then.  kwim.  jmho.
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  • joseysbridejoseysbride member
    No.  If he isn't going to propose then, I would hope that the father and mother would keep it a secret until he did propose.  That would kind of ruin the surprise for his gf otherwise.
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  • aml0905aml0905

    I agree with him wanting to ask in person but I would say to wait until the wedding festivities are over. My Dad was emotional at my wedding and I think that would have been harder had he known he was giving away my little sister too.....Maybe that is stupid, but I would say let the Dad concentrate on this daughter first, then ask...

    Edit: He could still ask permission while he was there for the wedding, just wait until the day after or something. Not the day before or day of.

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  • rach&jayrach&jay

    He's going to ask her father in April at her brother's wedding?  No, I don't think its stealing thunder, I think its respectful and besides he isn't proposing until the summer.  As long as the father keeps it to himself too.

    Proposing at the wedding... different story.

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  • joseysbridejoseysbride member
    On a related note, my dh's best friend who was his best man proposed to his gf two days before our wedding.  They announced their engagement to most of our mutual friends, which is a lot of people, at our wedding.  I didn't think it stole our thunder one bit.  I was happy for them, and nothing can trump the bride and groom on their wedding day, imo.
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  • mrsterrymrsterry member

    imageaml0905:
    I agree with him wanting to ask in person but I would say to wait until the wedding festivities are over. My Dad was emotional at my wedding and I think that would have been harder had he known he was giving away my little sister too.....Maybe that is stupid, but I would say let the Dad concentrate on this daughter first, then ask...

    Does it matter that it's a SON that's getting married and not a daughter?

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  • Alexandra*sMomAlexandra*sMom member
    I would think that it would be done privately so that his GF wouldn't find out.  No thunder stealing if it is not an all out public announcement.
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  • JulieandBenJulieandBen member
    I don't think it's thunder stealing if no body knows and it's the only time they will be together in person.
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  • Angela814Angela814 member
    imageaml0905:

    Edit: He could still ask permission while he was there for the wedding, just wait until the day after or something. Not the day before or day of.

    I agree with this.  I'd wait until the whole wedding event is over.  I'm sure both parents will be busy with last minute details and just wedding excitement.

    Annalise Marie 05.29.06
    Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
    Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
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  • lsufanlsufan
    I think that sounds perfectly fine. ?Nobody else should even know except his girlfriend's parents.
    image
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  • amiamishamiamish
    If it were my brother, I'd be ok with it... I think the *thunder* is annouceing the engagement.
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  • mrsterrymrsterry member
    Thanks you all are saying what I was thinking, but I didn't know if there was some extra etiquette that I was unaware of.
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  • aml0905aml0905
    I missed the part about it being the brother. I would say if it is her brother it is a little different but I would still probably wait until all wedding related events are over to actually ask.
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  • zacookzacook
    no, i dont think its thunder stealing at all!!!! Although if he feels that way maybe he can wait til the day after the wedding?? or a few days before the wedding???
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