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Stay at Home Moms
I am now a SAHM-not sure it is for me
Hello, I am new to this board. DD was born Feb 16 and I am now a SAHM. It ws a tough decision for me to quit my job. I know it is early, but I am wondering if being a SAHM is really for me. I like working and feel like I don't have a lot of patience. Already I find myself trying to get out of the house when I can to do things like shopping or a walk. But getting out is hard now since I am havng to pump and try to feed DD every few hours.
Do you have any ideas on what things you do throughout the day while home with DC? I am thinking maybe if I get myself in some sort of routine it may make me feel better. Thanks!
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Re: I am now a SAHM-not sure it is for me
Are you having supply issues/latch problems? Otherwise you really shouldn't need to pump, especially this early. When DD was first born, I would go for walk every day. I just left right after a feeding and I knew I had at least an hour or so. But really, take the time to enjoy your DD so little, she really will grow so quickly.
Yes she is having latching issues due to a problem with her jaw. I am working on getting that taken care of. I will try to the walk everyday so it is some sort of routine. I will just have to make sure I time it so she isn't fussy. Thanks!
Having a newborn at home is definately a big change from your previous life. Plus, like you said, there is no schedule to speak of at this time. It will get better. I am a forced SAHM (kid has medical situation and can't go to daycare) and I don't know how many times I cried in the first year because I hated it so much. I was climbing the walls and found life so mundane (feeding, changing, sleeping, shaking rattles). I tried to get out at least twice a day. I would leave right after a feeding and be back in time to feed again or pump. Obviously I couldn't go too far, but just a quick trip to the grocery store for a few things was enough for both of us. Now that my daughter is 19 mo she's very fun. We still go out at least once a day, but she's obviously not as much work as she used to be. She can amuse herself, giving me time to check email and watch the news.
The other thing I found helpful is having designated time to yourself at least a couple times a week. It's hard because you feel like you are the primary caretaker and should be with your babe all the time, but you need to decompress as well. I go to the gym 4 days a week (at night, when my husband watches our daughter) and if I miss a day, I'm miserable until I can go again.
Good luck with your transition. Remember, it's just a small amount of time that it will be so difficult and time consuming.
Usually walking with babies is the one thing to almost ensure they won't be fussy. With new smells, the wind and colors, nevermind the bumps of the stroller she should like it more and more as she gets used to it. I always make sure my daughter has a toy or two and her security blanket so she feels safe...though obviously your daughter isn't old enough for that yet!
Hi and welcome to the board!!!
SAH isn't for everyone, there have been several ladies tell their story about how it just didn't fulfill them and they went back to work so, DO NOT feel guilty about not absolutely loving it but keep in mind that there is a huge adjustment period the first 3 months!
Most everyone I have met & talked to will tell you the same thing: the early weeks are ROUGH! You are physically recovering from the L&D, your hormones are trying to re-balance, you are completely sleep deprived and you are responsible for another human beings every need... it's a lot to deal with all at once on top of all the other things that most moms experience when SAH like isolation, loneliness, boredom, etc.
Some slip into their roll of SAH easily and absolutely love it but not everyone and I think it's important NOT to compare yourself to others when deciding if SAH is right for you!
Joining a support group of first time moms, with similar aged kids really helped me adjust. Being able to safely express all my fears and concerns with others who were going through it too not only made me feel normal but it helped me to realize that this IS hard, it's not always fun and rewarding and that it will get easier as we both grow in this role of parent-child. I really looked forward to our daily meetings, play dates, museum outings and late afternoon cocktails (hehe!) to discuss what I felt like I had failed at that day or what I had finally accomplished that day and before I knew it, I was actually really GOOD at SAH and began to feel fulfilled in my new role. I definiately think you need to reach out (great first step here!) in your local community to find a group of your own!
I also think setting a schedule for yourself as best you can in these early days will help provide structure and purpose to the day for you. Get up at the same time every day, go for a walk at the same time every day, fix yourself meals at the same time everyday and take cues from your daughter in order to set a feeding/pumping/napping/playtime schedule for her. Trust me, she will be a completely different baby at 3 months old and that little cloud you might have hanging over you will disappear!
I wouldn't give up just yet, give it a few more weeks!
Very best of luck to you!!!
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
I hated being a SAHM for the first few months. I am very type A and the lack of routine, the being "trapped" in the house (I was never comfortable BFing in public), and the general upheaval was just too much for me. I remember just wanting to feel like ME again. I missed my commute and being able to read the paper on the subway, I missed going out to lunch every day, etc.
I started taking some mom/baby classes and meeting a lot of other SAHMs in my neighborhood. That helped a LOT. I made sure I had an activity every single day to get up and out of the house (even if it was just Starbucks or the grocery store), and started having a lot of playdates, getting involved with things like mom/baby yoga, free sing-alongs at the library, etc.
It got so, so, so much better after 4 months. That is when he started to have a real routine with naps, etc., and I had a solid base of mom friends to do things with.
Hang in there! The first few months can be so hard (especially for those of us who crave routine), but it gets so much better.
I would give it some time. I too did not enjoy staying at home right after dd was born but once she was more active and I felt more comfortable to get out it got easier. I joined a playgroup, I started my business, I discovered all the fun little things around town to do with babies/kids. Now I love it! I'm even a little sad (but mostly excited) to go back to work once dd is in school full time.
Good luck, those first few weeks are tough!
it really took me a few months, esp. when you exclusively BF. Once they are a bit more responive it gets better, and in the blink of an eye they are crawling then walkng then running OH MY. It goes by so fast though each day feels like an eternity esp. in the beginning.
I think it over all the time and I am not someone that is completely certain that SAHM is for me, I struggle with it alot, sometimes I feel more satisfied than others, but really it is the alternative which I can't accept. I couldn't imagine handing my infant over to a complete stranger, or anyone else. My kid will spend more than enough time in schools, with all of the structure and influence of society. This early time is the only time when it is just me, and I think is is so undervalued. I think if you can afford it, and won;t go insane, it is vital.
You could wear her in a sling. My daughter always loved that. IT soothed her instantly.
Ditto what littlemermaid said. The beginning is very tough for any mom, working or SAHM. The first few months were very difficult for DH and I but at least I didn't have to do the mother thing and work a 40 hour job outside the house.
As a pp said, hang in there, it's gets better and easier. Enjoy your baby.