details details
Well I certainly understand where some of you are coming from as you have more experience in this, but I thought Id just let you know.
She is in counseling specialized for her age...and we made sure of that. We are in counseling...and I approach everything as we because this is our relationship and Im not going anywhere and ex can choke on that thought. I am a little more involved than just a boyfriend the judge fully is aware of our attentions and seems to support them as he includes us and not just BM. When someone has to witness something or help open communication Im usually the one because the judge asked BF and I to communicate since he had such issues with BM.
I may not be perfect but I know darn well Im not a man who would have a child and then ruin her life out of spite. So when I get pissed off about the situation Im sure some SM's can agree.... When someone wants to make your loved one upset or hurt them....your defensive. When a child that you have spent time bonding with comes to you and tells you that their father does literally nothing with them except talk about BM, that makes you wonder about the care they get.
This man is obsessed...to the limit that something is going to happen.
And while I may have ppl saying they dont understand the details...I dont think Ive missed any. But I dont feel the need to air every dirty detail just to win over support.
I appreciate every bit of support I get here. And even more so having a place to see how others work this situation out. But I dont feel like going through a story that most will say.."well there is his side, her side, and the truth"....then why bother?
I was not there and I know that. Im here now. I write about what I SEE and what I know. If that upsets someone Im sorry you missed the brunt of the drama. But I tend to like my drama in small doses where I get popcorn throughout.
Re: details details
Well, it sounds like you are a stable, positive force in their lives, and that you love them very much.
You are doing the right thing with counseling for the family, and her daughter. Just keep doing what you are doing, and try not to focus on the negative.
My point in saying that you have to step back and look at the situation from all angles, is that it is so important to always evaluate your own actions in these types of situations. It is easy to get so focused on the crap that the ex's pull, to miss our own poor choices and actions.
On another note, and this is just me being nosey rosey-does your SO know that you post on here?
No which is why I dont post more details. I come here for an outlet and some support. She is awesome...but there are things that I dont tell her...which is why I kinda just blow it off here, you get what Im saying?
I wouldnt hide it, not like i clear my history or anything. Its just that, sometimes you have to have an outsiders POV or even just them saying its going to be okay. Some ppl have NO IDEA how much that really helps.
But no I dont tell more because this isnt meant to be movie of the week you know? I dont think she would appreciate me airing her own dirty laundry for others ppl critique. So when it seems Im only talking about ex, its for a reason. There are things they both do. But to push my soon to be wife in front of a judgement bus is not how I demonstrate my love for her. I say what I have to say here and I move on and let her know Im here no matter what.
Night ladies.
Who said you need to push your STBW in front of the judgement bus? I certainly did not and being as I am the only one who responded, I am assuming that is how you read my post.
I will just say, if you always look at her and see her doing nothing wrong, down the line you will be sorry you were not more honest with yourself. We don't need to know what she does, but you do-you need to be honest with yourself about it, and with her about it.
XMary is on the money. I believe what she is trying to say is: for your sanity and stress level, try to take a step back every now and then. This is not to say that you're already not doing this. We're basically trying to tell you "okay dude - take a deeeeeep breath, it's okay just take a moment and re-group"....otherwise you'll go insane.
Trust me we know how hard it is to see your mate suffer through all the BS - we're just giving you advice because we've been there. Getting upset with the ex and trying to give emotional support and encouragement to our DH's. Sometimes we deal too much when we should (for the sake of our sanity) let the DH confront on his own.
On another thought - when you say the man is obsessed to the limit that something is going to happen. If there have been incidents with him that are scary, you must document, and if you have to file a police report.
It's really great that you're all taking counseling. You sound like a really good guy/role model. Just hang in there - it will get better! Good Luck.