Anyone have DH expecting a boy, but got a girl?? (long)

TessaTru · February 2009

So we had our big ultrasound yesterday, which has had us soooo excited because we had to push it back a week, since DH works out of town. Well, my DH had been set from the beginning that the baby was a boy, because he kept saying that his family only had boys, that there was only one girl in three generations, blah, blah, blah.....his dad always would try and rub this in my face too! I kept telling him not to get to set, because there was a possibility it could be a girl, and kept asking him if he would be disapointed if it was a girl. He, of course, said he did not care either way, since we hope for one of each and this is our first baby.

Well, come to find out yesterday that it is a little girl!! I was overjoyed and as i looked at DH I just saw the disappointment in his face. Now this was supposed to an exciting day for us......I wanted to go look for baby things and possibly get the crib bedding, now that we knew it was a girl. So we had lunch, went to a couple different stores, and my DH was quiet and distant the WHOLE TIME! I now baby shopping isn't the most exciting for a guy, but the least he could do is show some excitement, right???

After looking around for while and finally finding the bedding I liked (and ALMOST purchased) Dh just started complaining that he wanted to go home, he was tired, and to get whatever.....so we left and I ended up getting really upset and crying becuase he was being so distant. It really hurt my feelings that he was acting like this, and ruined the whole exciting day Crying .

He insisted that he was excited for our little girl, and said he was just still in shock. Now, I understand how much a man wants a little boy, but seriously, he was acting like a little kid that didn't get his way!! He looked like a lost puppy, that didn't know what to do!! Anyone else have this happen??

hisbabybear · February 2009

i dont think he is sad that he didnt get aboy, maybe its just finally setting in to him that you two are having a child! that is definitely something that will get a man thinking and make him distant! I would just give him some time.. he will come around.

MidwestTexan · February 2009

No, DH actually thought we were having a girl and so he was shocked when we found out it was a boy! He didn't have his heart set either way (I actually did, but I got the boy I wanted) so it worked out fine. I'm sure your husband just needs time to get used to the idea and then he'll be super-excited!

mavilabride · February 2009

I did sort of the cliffnotes version of your post and skimmed through.

Tomorrow I will find out how FI reacts if we find out its a girl. I can only imagine that there will be a twinge of disappointment as he has expressed multiple times how much he would love having a boy first.

That said, he will get over it.

And as for the shopping, eh. How was he before? Were you able to take him shopping with you for other stuff and have him get excited?

I used to take FI shopping for him and 30 minutes later he would want to go home because he was tired, hungry, and cranky. Seven years together has taught me that baby shopping-which is still shopping-won't be any different.

DaisyAdair · February 2009

I think my DH was disappointed we're having another girl. But, who can blame him?? He's going to be living in a house full of estrogen and PMS!'

I'd probably be pissed that he ruined the fun shopping day though. No need for that.

thatgirlang · February 2009

I am so sorry! This is tough. But the advice I always give is to try to understand that men don't have the same bond with their unborn babies as women do. And gender disappointment can actually be kind of real. BUT when that baby girl gets here- he will fall in love with her! You will be speechless when you look at his face then. I promise!!

In the meantime, I think/hope that things get better after a couple of days as the news sets in. Dont push shopping on him right now as some men aren't that excited about it, regardless of whether or not they got the sex they "wanted."

GL!!

kaylenpar1 · February 2009

It took my DH a day or so to get into the mindset of having a girl. I think he will bounce back soon. It was probably overwhelming for him to go to stores and see all the girl stuff so soon- I know my DH would never have gone for that. He'll be ok, you just gotta give him time. Smile

mrs.larry · February 2009

plenty of people (moms included!) have a moment of shock and maybe even brief disappointment when you think one thing for so long and it turns out to be the other. we both thought for sure it was a girl and then nope! boy! and we were both sort of dumbfounded. not sad or anything, but it just took a minute to make that mental adjustment. maybe that's what's going on with your DH. don't worry. I know it's sad that your day was wrecked (ours was sort of too for different reasons - story for another day) but your DH is going to love his little girl so much!!!

Aimee&Bill · February 2009

My DH was not upset that we were having a girl but Ithought the same thing after the ultrasound. He got really quiet and went to work. After he got home, I asked him what was up and he said the U/S made it feel real and having a daughter scared him not upset him. Hope this helps

Starlette1983 · February 2009

Well congrats on your little girl! I am not sure what mine is yet, we'll find out in a week. I am worried about how DH will react though because he already has twin girls from a previous marriage so he really wants a boy to do "manly" stuff with. He used to be set on having a boy, but recently he's been saying that he doesn't care as long as its healthy... a step in the right direction!

I'm sure your DH will come around sooner or later! I would be upset for a little while too though. You should just go and get whatever bedding that you want and set it up all pretty to make yourself happy and excited! GL!!!

mistresscox · February 2009

We just found out yesterday-and I only got to spend a little of it with my DH. He was looking forward to a boy, but is getting a girl. I think he's more freaked out because he keeps saying that he won't know what to do with a girl. I think he's freaked out about PMS, teenage hormones, and potential boyfriends (he even mentioned buying a shotgun last night).

Give your DH a little time to adjust and then try and make it seem like a positive. If your MIL is in the picture (and sane) maybe enlist her help about how exciting it will be to have the first girl in so many generations....

tandt92505 · February 2009

DH was totallly expecting a boy. At first he was a little distant and I was worried. When I finally got him to open up a little bit he said he was just having to readjust his "images" of the baby. It wasn't immediately obvious to him how to father a girl, since his experiences were all male.

He was also worried about how he would protect her. That part seems a little silly to me, since boys and girls need equal protection, but for some reason (machismo, maybe) he felt like raising a girl was a bigger job.

Now, he's over the moon and talking to the belly on a regular basis. It just took him some getting used the idea. I say- just give DH some time. He'll come around.

Beccaboo0713 · February 2009

DH thought it was a girl and I thought it was a boy and even though it was a boy I was in a kind of shock that it wasn't a girl. I think shock happens one way or another. I think DH was a little sad it wasn't a girl and I think he want's a girl eventually but he really loves the idea of a boy.

beeryce · February 2009

My DH reacted similiarly when we found out we're having a boy and not the little girl that he had his heart set on. I didn't have my heart set on either one, so I'm happy, but he was adament about wanting it to be a girl. He still insists that since the Dr seemed to not be too sure that it is probably a girl and the Dr is wrong! We found out a couple weeks ago and he is coming around to the idea of a boy and I'm sure once the baby comes it won't matter. Just give him some time since now all the plans and ideas he had for him and his little boy need to be adjusted to him and his little girl.

Pesky · February 2009

Sorry you had such a disappointing end to your day. DH had hoped for a boy first too. I told him from the very beginning DD was a girl but the first tri screen left that in doubt. He wasn't so blatantly shocked or disappointed as your DH, probably because I'd been insisting for 14wks that the baby was a girl. But I think it took a little time to adjust his expectations. But don't worry -- next thing I know, we're out looking at stuff and DH insists he's found her coming home outfit, one that said "Daddy's Little Princess". That's when the daddy propaganda began. And truthfully, I fostered it, bringing home a bib that says "I Love Daddy" and a book called "Daddy's Little Girl" and so on. What's funny is that when DD was about 8 mos or so, DH looked at me and told me that he would really be happy to have nothing but girls. And he meant it. Trust me, your DH is whipped by your DD -- he just doesn't know it yet.

JennifernKevin4ever · February 2009

He probably just had his hopes so high that he is kind of hurt that it isn't what he wanted. I am sure once you guys start setting all your girl things up he will start getting excited. Maybe get some girls stuff that says daddy's girl. Things like that. Make him feel the father daughter connection. Just remember men are babies. Thats why they need a woman to mother and take care of them.

Seeing as boys run in his family if you guys plan on having another child he has high chances of a boy. So I am sure a boy will come along.

firemansflame · February 2009

No I havne't had this happpen (only because we havne't found out the sex yet) but I am very fearful of this being us. DH wants a boy so bad he can't stand it and since it took us 4 1/2 yrs to get pg with this one - this could very likely be our only child.

Look at the bright side - at least he's not having this reaction for the first time when you've just spent 18 hrs in labor!

j9lovey · February 2009

When we had our big u/s with our first- it was a girl! I think my DH was a little disappointed...but never let on. As time went by, he got more and more excited about having a girl. I bought a few onesies that say " I love my Daddy." I think he really like them. Now that our DD is here...he is totally infatuated with her. It is the cutest thing seeing them together. I agree with the pp as well that you DH just was in a little bit of shock about actually being a dad. It's different for us, b/c we actually carry the baby for 40weeks. Hope this helped and go out and buy some cute clothes.

mpls_cat · February 2009

My DH and I both wanted a girl a teensy bit more than a boy and we found out we are having a boy last week. We're still excited but the day of the u/s we both felt a tinge of disappointment amid all the excitement of finding out our baby is healthy and perfect. I was a little sad the afternoon of the u/s, but by the next day I was over it. So I kind of feel for your DH. The good thing is he has 20 weeks to bond with the idea of a daughter and trust me when I say he will turn into a giant marshmallow once his little girl is actually here. He is just grieving the loss of the idea of having a son. Give him some time, most men aren't as good or as verbal at working through their feelings as we are.

volleydiva · February 2009

My DH did this too, but he was diappointed that we are having a girl, he was very frightened! I let him relax for a few days, then I asked him how he was doing with the news and he broke down and told me he is scared and doesn't know what to do with a little girl, and he remembers how he was as a teenager and he gets angry that someone may do those things to his daughter. I was happy to know that he was just scared not upset. He has come around and is getting excited, in fact he wants to go get her name Tattoo'd now! LOL. I am sure your DH is happy, he just has his heart set. I think I would have been the same way if it was a boy, even though a healthy baby is all that matters, it still stings when it isn't what you imagined!

emaria · February 2009

dh and i both thought it was a girl and he can't wait for his little princess to get here but i know he'd be just as happy with a little boy (although he claims he was a handful when he was a boy and so he was a little worried lol). it's one of those things he'll get over, just give him time. sometimes people are expecting a certain sex or feel like they'd be able to bond easier with a girl or boy so maybe he's just a little worried or anxious. just let him get excited on his own. i'm sure he will!

jmurach · February 2009

DH had a similar reaction. His family has very few girls and both sides of our family were predicting that we would have a boy. Much to everyone's suprise, we're having a girl. He wouldn't admit it, but I could tell he was a little disappointed at first, but after a day or so he started to get really excited about the idea of having a girl. He's still not big into shopping/looking at baby stuff, but he's more excited about the baby than he was before the big u/s.

frwndoh · February 2009

That little girl will have him so wrapped around her finger that he'll never look back. I'm very much a "Daddy's girl" who always did the "boy stuff" with my dad in spite of having two brothers.

I'm sure he'll adjust in a few days. Everyone's right about getting a mindset about having one and taking some time to replan things.

Califragilistic · February 2009

My DH wanted a boy first (ya know..to protect the girl we would eventually have lol) and I said I knew it was a girl from the beginning. Once we found out its a girl he said he knew it all along but has been excited. I think he would be a little more into buying things if it were a boy but in general he isnt the shopping type. Also, he is already starting to talk about her dating and boys coming to pick her up etc so maybe DH is already stressing since they know how boys can be!

jetgrrrl · February 2009

Aw - I'm sorry you had such a rough day!!!

DH and I are hoping for opposite answers at the U/S, so one of us is going to be disappointed. But we'll both be going straight to work from there, so we will be processing separately.

I think guys sometimes see having a girl as a big responsibility, having to protect her, etc. It's kind of old-fashioned and if I have a girl, I intend to teach her to protect HERSELF, but I think for men it's a little mind-boggling.

And yeah, I think the U/S DOES make it more real, especially for the man, since he hasn't had the pg experiences we have had. Give him some time and I'm sure he'll be fine.

marieski · February 2009

This is what I am worried about! We have our U/S on Monday and DH has expressed how much he wants a boy. He said he will be happy either way but deep down I know he will be a little up set until he gets used to the idea of having a little girl. I keep telling him it's 50/50 and to just be happy for a healthy baby!

I'm sure your DH will come around

EmmaRain · February 2009

Maybe he just wasn't in the mood to shop. If he really was hoping for a girl, he needs to realize that we don't get to decide what our families will be like.

I once asked a 4 year old what she thought her baby brother or sister would be. I knew she wanted it to be a girl because her mom told me. The 4 year old looked at me and said "It doesn't matter what I think. God gets to decide. He knows what we're supposed to have and I don't."

I think her advice rings true for everyone, including your hubby. Just talk to him about it and tell him that a child is an amazing gift, whether you have a boy or a girl. Maybe he's just disappointed that he guessed wrong!

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · February 2009

This is why we are most likely finding out what we are having. I know my husband will need a few days to adjust to the idea of being the father of a little girl. He has always been more excited at the idea of having a boy and has told me that he wants a girl, but he just would prefer a boy first. So, I know that if we are having a girl first, he will need a period to adjust. I know that once he gets used to the knowledge, he will be fine, and will be excited, as I'm sure is the case with your husband.

It is just overwhelming to some men to deal with the idea of eventually also being the father of a teenage daughter. Give your husband a few days, as he said, to get over the shock. Then he will be thrilled!

DarcyLongfellow · February 2009

I think your DH's reaction was totally normal. There is absolutely no doubt that he will love his little girl to death. And, probably, there will come a time when he swears that he always knew it was a girl and always wanted a little girl. But right now he's a bit disappointed -- and that's totally natural and normal, and it has NOTHING to do with how he will feel once the child gets here.

I really, really, really wanted a girl first. I want sons and daughters, but I really wanted a daughter first. I KNOW I would have been a bit disappointed if it had been a boy. I had myself all psyched up that it would be a boy so that I wouldn't be disappointed (I'd looked at cute boy bedding, made lists of good things about having a son, etc.), but honestly -- if the ultrasound had been a boy, there would have been a little part of me that was really disappointed.

I think you just need to give him time to adjust his expectations. Give him a week or so, then I bet he'll be on board with the whole girl thing. And in the meantime, maybe keep the excitement about pink and girly things a bit on the quieter side (at least around your husband).

mlbchic · February 2009

I experienced almost the same thing. There were only two girls in three generations of boys. And DH just knew our baby would be a boy too! When we found out we were having a girl, he was very silent. I could tell he was shocked. I asked him later if he was sad or disappointed, and he said he was just amazed it was girl. He told me days later that it is scarier to think of having a girl...I guess dealing with emotions, hormones, boyfriends, etc. He is excited now, and knows we are one of the few in his family that get to experience having a precious girl!

LoveInCowboyBoots · February 2009

Congrats on your baby girl, first of all!

And DH was pretty adament about wanting a boy at first, because he just didn't know what he would do with a girl. He likes to hunt and fish and do "man things." He had a big talk with my dad about it and my dad said you do all the same things with a girl that you do with a boy. I grew up hunting and fishing and riding horses and helping cut firewood (the list goes on, I grew up on a farm), and then DH kind of changed his mind. I was seriously concerned he would be disappointed if it was a girl.

TessaTru · February 2009

Thanks ladies! I probably shouldn't have pushed the shopping on him, he was a pretty good sport, besides being so quiet and distant. He hates shopping! I'm think I just got my feelings hurt, because I knew he wasn't overjoyed like he would have been if it was a boy.

The funny thing is that he kept telling me that every one of his friends that he talked to told him to go and buy a shotgun! Even his dentist told him that this morning! At least I know he is excited, if he is telling his dentist!! I think it is just a guy thing, they just think they have to protect a girl more or something.

audreyp · February 2009

Hey.....I had the same exact scenario last week. In fact, I posted about it because I was so upset. I will tell you that DH got over it and is now happy. Yours will too. Just give him a day to settle on it. Someone suggested that I buy him a Daddy's lil girl shirt........I did and it worked, I think.

Be excited for your precious little girl and trust me, he will come around

in the meantime....

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