NBR- Man @ work keeps flirting with me! :(

orion09 · February 2009

so i work as an athletic tutor at the university i attend, and this guy continues to flirt with me... he knows i'm married and he knows my DH is freaking insane! he says things like

"you need to eat asian food so your baby can look like me." [he's half japaneese]

"do you have a sister? that way i could have you without having you."

"i think you look beautiful..."

"why aren't these chicks around here more like you?"

then he tries to get me to call him..and of course i don't, but he sends me a facebook message saying its urgent that i call him and that he needs my number asap. Being the insane man that DH is, he keeps up with my facebook more than i do.. so now he's like who tha fark is this asking for your number?

I don't want Dh to get involved, but i have been ignoring this dude and tellign him thati'm married and he can't say things like that to me.. i've even taking to leaving work earlyso he can't try to walk me to my car or offer me a ride to the msc...

i've even tried hooking him up with other women.. and he's like... she doesn't act like you...

whats worse is that he thinks that he would actually have a chanc because he and DH have tiny htings in common [gamers, martial arts, love of asian culture]... and they are TOTALLY different.

I'm at my wits end.. i don't know what to do... any suggestions besides cussing him out which is next oin my list...

TIA

blessed_wife · February 2009

Why do you even have him on your facebook?

sarahryandrewlo · February 2009

You need to make it clear to this guy this in NOT okay. It not a joke, and not okay.

If you don't feel comfortable telling him off maybe just start being really mean to him. If that doesn't work, tell him you are going to file a complaint, then follow though if he doesn't stop. That should shut him up.

Starlette1983 · February 2009

That is pretty bad if you are leaving work early just to avoid him! You should do something other than nicely telling him that you are married. He is not getting the hint that his "flirtatious" comments are not welcome and that it is making you uncomfortable! Have you told anyone else that you work with? Maybe someone -maybe a superior- could talk to him?

meandhim · February 2009

blessed_wife:
Why do you even have him on your facebook?

Ditto.

Un-friend him immediately.

orion09 · February 2009

blessed_wife:
Why do you even have him on your facebook?

we've been friends on facebook since 2004, when i first moved here.... and besides that you can send messages without being someone's friend.

beccag517 · February 2009

I would let this guy know that you're absolutely serious and you don't appreciate him talking and acting towards you like this. If he doesn't stop, I would file a complaint, or let your boss know whats going on

Squishycheeks · February 2009

That's a tough one..

I would say that if he doesn't get the hint, change your attitude toward him. Blow him off when you meet at work, don't talk to him on the internet (take him off your facebook) and if you have to, tell him he's bordering on sexual harassment and you don't appreciate it. Involve your DH as much as possible so he doesn't feel like you're keeping any secrets from him.

GL!

DSteed-to-be · February 2009

orion09:
blessed_wife:

Why do you even have him on your facebook?

we've been friends on facebook since 2004, when i first moved here.... and besides that you can send messages without being someone's friend.

Not if you block him. The feature is on the privacy settings page. I'd do this AND talk to a supervisor at work to confront him.

orion09 · February 2009

DSteed-to-be:
orion09:
blessed_wife:

Why do you even have him on your facebook?

we've been friends on facebook since 2004, when i first moved here.... and besides that you can send messages without being someone's friend.

Not if you block him. The feature is on the privacy settings page. I'd do this AND talk to a supervisor at work to confront him.

::going on facebook right now to block him:: i dind't know you could block people....

MrsAO · February 2009

I would tell him that your DH has seen his requests for your phone number and you have already filled him in on his constant comments made at work. Tell him that you're trying to hold DH at bay, but if he doesn't stop, you will let your DH get involved and that's not really what he wants.

You could also tell him that he's creating an uncomfortable environment for you at work and that if it doesn't stop, you're going to have to get management and/or HR involved.

Also. Document. Document. Document. I know you don't want to treat him like he's sexually harassing you, but you need to take this matter seriously before your job is in jepoardy. Especially if your DH gets involved.

mavilabride · February 2009

Well that's true that you can un-friend him and block him. But then what? Are you going to quit your job too?

I think that what needs to happen is that you need to put your foot down and tell him that you don't appreciate the comments at all. Tell him to stop.

CubsGirlNYC · February 2009

Does he work there as well? Sound like sexual harrassment to me, especially if you've asked him to stop.

majors31 · February 2009

blessed_wife:

Why do you even have him on your facebook?

this.

Kissmemylovely · February 2009

Sounds more like haressment than flirting. I would tell him to stop and if he won't go to HR. That is not right of him to act like that at work.

Mrs_mam · February 2009

Does he work with you? Because this is pretty blatant sexual harassment and he should be reprimanded and fired if it doesn't stop. He's being totally inappropriate.
If he doesn't work there, is there a way you can keep him from coming and talking to you all the time? I would not be able to put up with that, you've told him to stop so now it's time to take further action- or let your DH talk to him.

orion09 · February 2009

he does not work there.... he is an athlete. My co-worker and I have been getting rude towards him... and honestly i think i might just go on maternity leave early because these athletes here are spoiled and catered to, and my complaints would go unheard since most of the tutors here throw themselves at these "future" pro-athletes.

emaria · February 2009

orion09:
blessed_wife:
Why do you even have him on your facebook?
we've been friends on facebook since 2004, when i first moved here.... and besides that you can send messages without being someone's friend.

you can also block someone. if he has your phone number change it. there are a number of steps you need to take before you can blame this guy for flirting with you. if you allow him into your life he'll take you up on the offer. and if he's offending you by flirting with you then you need to talk to a higher up about his behavior.

jetgrrrl · February 2009

Good God, you need to report this to your boss and/or HR immediately. At the same time, I would make it clear in no uncertain terms that you do not appreciate the attention. If you don't want to immediately go to someone higher up in your institution, then you should send him an email saying you expect that he will end the inappropriate comments immediately and if not you will take the issue up with HR (or whoever). You are dealing with sexual harrasment.

jetgrrrl · February 2009

Sorry, I had not read all the replies and did not realize he is a student athlete.

I have a friend who used to do your exact job, so I know that these kids are pampered and spoiled. However, your employer STILL has a legal obligation to provide you with a non-hostile work environment. This is not a joke, it is serious, he has gone way overboard and is not respecting any boundaries. His behavior would be problematic even if it were not sexual in nature becuase he would be violating the student-teacher boundary that you should have. It also means he is not getting effective tutoring.

If you don't think anyone in your department will take your complaints seriously than go directly to HR. Like I said, they have a legal obligation to protect you from this.

GreenBride624 · February 2009

jetgrrrl:
Good God, you need to report this to your boss and/or HR immediately. At the same time, I would make it clear in no uncertain terms that you do not appreciate the attention. If you don't want to immediately go to someone higher up in your institution, then you should send him an email saying you expect that he will end the inappropriate comments immediately and if not you will take the issue up with HR (or whoever). You are dealing with sexual harrasment.

Ditto everything!!!

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NBR- Man @ work keeps flirting with me! :(

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