Ugh, My Boss Wants to Know What is Going On

Mainer-in-Texas · February 2009

In the past eight weeks I have had to leave work for the following doctor's appointments: Allergist, OB/GYN, ENT, RE, CF clinic, and HSG. So that's 6 doctor appointments in eight weeks. My boss keeps asking "is everything ok??" The thing is, half of those appointments were just check-ups and not TTC-related, so I keep telling him "yes, I just have a slew of check-ups, it should be over soon"(He knows I have CF).

But now that we are headed into IUI, I think I should probably tell him because it's likely going to continue. So, Monday, after my HSG, when he ask "is everything ok?" again, I said "yes....well....I'll have to talk to you about it later (cause we were in my cube and I didn't want anyone to overhear)...I was hoping I wouldn't be missing this much work."

Well, I was just in his office and he said "How are you doing?" and I said "fine." And then there was awkward silence and I could tell he was waiting for me to fess up. Instead I wimped out and changed the subject. I really don't feel like talking to my boss about my sex life/female issues. Plus the walls are really thin and the guy next door loves to eavesdrop.

For those of you who did tell your boss, how did it go? Did you just say something like "we are having trouble having a baby?" or something like that?

Serendipitie · February 2009

I will avoid telling my boss anything as long as possible. But I hate my boss. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your boss.

mb~zf · February 2009

First, you don't have to tell him anything if you have the time to take off.

My boss knows and is very understanding as she went throught he same process 6 years ago. I usually give her a head's up the week that I ovulate to let her know I'll be out a couple of hours 2 days in a row.

I guess it really depends on the type of reationship you have with your boss.

JenniferL923 · February 2009

I love my boss, we have a good relationship, and sometimes he's very paternal....but I wouldn't tell him until I absolutely HAD to.

I feel like there's still such a stereotype with pregnant women (even women in general in my industry) in the working world and I don't want him to get any kind of inclination that my career is not my highest priority, especially in today's economic environment. I just never know how far his allegiance will go when push comes to shove.

heather_09_15_07 · February 2009

I don't know that I'd tell him, but he may be worried about you so I'd probably at least reassure him that you aren't sick.

shotzie · February 2009

I asked a similar question a while ago b/c I wasn't sure how much information I should share with my boss. And I feel bad missing so much work for appointments. Luckily, my boss doesn't seem too interested in knowing what's going on. I tell him I have an appt. and need to leave a little early and he says that's fine.

I personally, don't plan to explain that we're trying to get pg, but need treatments, etc. For one, I rather that remain private, and two, it could still take a while and I don't want him asking me about it.

I think it was Dr. L who said she told her boss she had a non life threatening health condition that would require appointments and she said her boss didn't ask anymore about it. Maybe you could try to explain it away saying that it's all CF related since your boss knows about that.

JenniferL923 · February 2009

Just wanted to add that last year, I was out a lot with the lap (he knew it was surgery), pre op appts/post op appts, RE visits, testing, u/s's....I told him that I had a condition that was causing some problems (if that's not vague I don't know what is) and we were looking into it, but it wasn't life-threatening or anything like that.

Mainer-in-Texas · February 2009

Thanks everyone. That is a good idea. I'll just say something vague. He just applied for a new position and will likely only be my boss for a few more weeks anyway.

Chrysallys · February 2009

My boss is a female so it may have been different in my case but I just fessed up (and cried a lot) and told her everything. Luckily she understood and was willing to do what ever to help me deal with my appointment schedule.

smilelari · February 2009

I told my boss everything and that worked out very well for me. He was very, very supportive

Nikki1007 · February 2009

I love my boss, but I have not told him anything and he has not pressed. When I had my lap and all the associated appointments, I just said I was having surgery and he didn't ask why. I just worry about him knowing I am trying to get pregnant in this economy. There is not much work in my field (Real estate) and he has 2 assistants, one could easily do the job, so I just feel safer if he does not know specifics.

easjer05 · February 2009

My office was pretty in the know about my ectopic pregnancy and everything there, but I hope to keep the next pregnancy (which will require a fair amount of early monitoring) more quiet until we know things are ok.

I'll be honest with my boss, because I know I can be, and that my job is in no way in jeopardy. In your shoes, not knowing how things might go or knowing what your job is, I would follow the other ladies and just say it's a non-life-threatening recurrent issue that requires some monitoring and possibly minimal treatments.

babydontforget · February 2009

I agree with others. Keep it vague. "Non-life threatening medical issue that will require appointments" is good.

yogisunam · February 2009

I like the non-life threatening bit!

murphyec · February 2009

yogisunam:
I like the non-life threatening bit!

staycee · February 2009

I told my boss everything. Which was helpful when I needed his assistance finding me a private room that I could do my first trigger shot in (didn't want to be mixing meds with syringe on the counter of the general "open to every female" restroom)

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