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2nd Trimester
Vent about best friend has absolutly no structure (LONNGG)
Ok I think I'm just overly bitchy due to being pregnant. But feel free to let me know if I'm being crazy.....
My bestfriend is a college student living at her parents and working part time, and has a boyfriend of 7 months. Our lives are very different. I am engaged, pregnant, moved out of my moms at 19, work full time and have a 3 bedroom house to maintain. We are the same age (22 this year) and have known eachother for 7 years. I find that as of late I am having an issue with keeping up with our friendship. I just want to be home and clean and enjoy my house while it's quiet before baby comes. When she comes over we just sit and watch TV. Sometimes I'll putter like fold a load of laundry etc. I feel like I could be getting soooo much more done. After work I want to make dinner tidy up, take a warm bath and relax I don't want to have anyone else around. I feel like a hermit. Maybe I should get out more I don't know but I like my life and it's simplicity. I really don't know what I'm complaining about except that it feels like a chore to hang out with her sometimes. She always thinks that my FI is mad that she is over which is soooooo not true. Just because he doesn't get up and do a song and dance when she enters the room does not mean he's pissed off. He's a GUY! Most of the time he actually is the one who suggests her coming over b.c she has become both of our friends since we got together. EVERYTIME she comes over I can bet huge money on it that she will ask if he's in a bad mood or mad. It drives me insane! So she called me up last night and I was making dinner. She asks what are you doing? I say making dinner. She then proceeds to say you are always busy eh? Well yeah I'm thinking I have to make dinner, do dishes and do anything that comes up ( FI helps but I like to cook, the kitchen is my domain lol) She has her mom making dinner and cleaning up. I'm not really that busy of a person I just have more to keep up with and I think this is where it's becoming more apparent that we are going seperate directions. So we scheduled a 'date' nite tonight to hit up starbucks that hang out at my place. I just really want to go home and soak in the tub b.c I am crampy and grumpy and just plain old bitchy. So this vent has no real structure just venting
.....and end vent!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent about best friend has absolutly no structure (LONNGG)
There comes a point in everyones life where certain friends don't fit in the daily routine anymore.
I have one friend (Bernadette5 ) Who I speak to EVERY DAY no matter what. Other than that my other friends have become distant friends.
It happens when you move onto a new phase in your life and they aren't ready to do that yet.
It sucks, but just don't blow them off completly, you may need her one day.
I totally understand!! I had a friend like this but she was 40 and I was 28. She complained that I never hung out/talked like we used to. She expected that I should still be able to text all day long and talk of the phone for an hour plus each night like we had when I was single. She gave me a hard time about it. There were other issues as well and I ended up not being friends with her any more, but it doesn't have to be that way for you.
I get that it feels more like an obligation than a joy to be with your girlfriend. Be honest with her and let her know that your life is different than hers and while she may not get what your doing ask for her to respect your life and the fact that you may not have the time you wish you did to be together. When you are together make it quality and focus just on each other. Encourage her to hang out with other friends as well.
There's nothing wrong with you or what you want. It's just probably really hard for her to see you moving in a different direction in your life and she doesn't want anything to change between you both. But that doesn't mean you need to feel obligated or guilty about anything.
No problem, just a little harder to read and I'd bet many took one look and decided not to.
That said, I did read it and I totally 100% understand how you feel. I'm 25 so just a bit older, but I've always felt like that. I like to be at home, doing my thing, and being domestic. It's not a chore for me b/c I enjoy my husband, our dogs, our house, etc.
She's just in a totally different place in her life and I've found it's VERY hard to continue the same friendship when people are in different places. It sucks, but if it's meant to be it will last and if not, it won't. Don't invite her over so much if you don't enjoy it.
I'm figuring this out myself...but sometimes friendships drift apart. I am 22 as well (well only for a couple more weeks) and I sometimes feel like an old fart compared to the rest of my friends. Most of my friends are either in college or just graduating, still live at home, etc. I've lived on my own since I was 19, was engaged & had a mortgage at 21, married at 22 and will have a baby at 23.
It's obvious you two just have different priorities right now...Sounds like she is being a normal 22 year old (I don't think that I'm a normal 22 year old lol). It does help to get out of the house every once in a while. Why don't you guys go to the movies, get some coffee or go shopping instead of sitting around the house? Maybe that may help...
I'm sorry that you feel this way about your friend, and it is quite apparent that you are one two very different paths right now. However, I can't see why you aren't able to get things done when she comes over just to "hang out"
She should be understanding if you've got laundry to fold or meals to make. If she ever isn't and makes comments, then I'd start spending less time with her. But she should be able to fend for herself when she comes over, if she's that close of a friend. You should be able to be up and down doing whatcha' gotta do. She can tag-along as you go about your chores, and even maybe help out here and there. She doesn't seem upset by your chores, it sounds like you choose to "entertain" her rather than just do your stuff.
If it were me, I would treat her as though she lived there...that's what we do with our friends. If they want something, they get it themselves, end of story.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12
BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day!
My BFP Chart
Ok, so I think I got most of that...I have been in your friend's position vis a vis my BF from High School. She got married in her mid-20s and got pregnant right away. I moved to a big city, worked on my career, dated multiple guys, while she had multiple kids in a small town in a rural part of the state. So, our lives were VERY different, but I did my best to stay in phone and email contact.
Throughout that time she constantly made me feel like her life was FAR more important than mine and that I couldn't possibly understand how significant her responsibilities were compared to my life, etc. She would send me a LONG email about what was going on with her kids, I would respond - ALWAYS responding to what she said about the kids and inquiring further, and then would give her the latest on my own life. Well, she was never terribly interested in that. It hurt a great deal and made me feel very small.
Fast-forward to now. We are much older (37) and her oldest is 10 and I send her the funny/cute email announcement we sent to a bunch of people regarding my pregnancy. I got a TWO LINE email back from her. Why do I keep trying? Once again, it hurt.
So the point of MY rant is that if you care about this person you need to make room in your life to be respectful of hers. I can understand that you're in different places, but real friends can get past that. One of my best friends (closer in age to me, but still) has three kids and we have been very close friends through all her pregnancies, which began long before I got engaged or married. Quite frankly, it sounds like you care more about getting your chores done than making time for this person. If that's the case, maybe you should do her a favor and just tell her that you've moved in different directions and you can't have the same relationship you have in the past.
AHAHA lol I have always been told I was not your average teenage when I was in my teens and certianly not a 'normal' 21 year old. We sound a lot alike. It's hard to watch life change all the time but change is good and brings great things like babies!!!
Me too
Always been told I'm an old soul...I think it's just how I was brought up. Either way, I love my life and it's simplicity (like you mentioned)!