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Houston Babies
4-5 mo. old baby?
I was talking with co-worker about talking to either parents, or ILs to take care of Zack when we go on our summer river trip we go on every year - just for the weekend. She basically said that once the baby gets here, I will change my mind and not want to go - or it would be too difficult with BFing.
I told her I could just give extra supply to them for feedings and pump and dump at the campsite, and she said it would be very difficult to get someone to watch a baby that is not STTN (which she ASSURED me he would not be doing by that point) and be difficult to pump at the campsite - aside from sitting in the car for 30 minutes (which I can see would be cumbersome).
I mean, I appreciate her honesty, I guess, but I hate keep hearing the phrase "You're tune will change once the baby is here. You won't want to leave the baby. It would be too hard with the baby, etc." I feel like everyone is saying "Kiss your life goodbye!"
So, is it really that big of deal to leave him for a weekend (or 1 1/2 days, really) when he is 4-5 months old? I mean, I know my kid(s) will be the majority of my life, but I was hoping to hold onto a few social events a year that I enjoy getting together with friends.
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Re: 4-5 mo. old baby?
I get frustrated with people that offer their advice like that. No two moms are alike and no two babies are a like so their is not a way for anyone to tell you if you are going to want to go or not.
Aidan was sleeping pretty much through the night, with one feeding at 4am by that time -- my formula fed niece started sleeping 6pm to 6am by four months easy. Would it have been possible for me to leave Aidan for a weekend - absolutely! Pumping would not have been that big of a deal, you just need to make sure you make the time for it and realize that it may take a couple days when you get back to get your routine back again.
That being said - I wouldn't have left Aidan at that time just because I wouldn't have wanted to. We had a beach trip when he was almost 6 months old and I let him spend his first night away from me with my parents one of those nights, everyone did great - I just missed him like crazy. On the other hand my brother and sil left their 5 month old with my parents for a week while they went to Vegas and all parties were just fine. I'd say line up a babysitter and you will know closer to the time if you are ready to get away for a weekend. It could be a really great get-away for you and your dh - you aren't far from home if you are needed but will get in some time to recharge and enjoy each other!
Okay -- urg! I agree. No two moms are alike and no two babies are alike!
First -- People will absolutely watch a baby that doesn't sleep through the night. Especially grandparents. It's only one night, so what's the big deal, really? And some babies sleep through the night from 4 weeks on (not my babies, but some do).
Second -- You can leave him BM. You CAN pump and dump. Yes, it's not as convenient, but who cares? You can do it. She shouldn't tell you you can't. It's not that long of a trip for you to give him bottles and you can probably pump every 4-6 hours (if you have a hospital-grade pump) so you probably won't have to pump all that much anyway.
Third -- Some moms don't have as much issue leaving their babies as others. I left Mia with a babysitter at 2 weeks and Micah at 2 weeks also. For a couple hours, but still. People thought I was crazy, but I had to get away. And if Mia had taken a bottle I would have left her over night at 5 months. No problem. I love my child more than life itself, but a little get-away time makes me a better mom.
I agree with Karey. Go ahead and line up a babysitter and make plans to go with the idea that you can change your mind and pull out at the last minute.
Luca started STTN at 6 weeks. (6 hours) and 12 weeks (12 hours)... Most children do STTN by 5 months... If you are comfortable go..... yes, the pumping is a PITA.... but you can do it.. I have a hand pump and it made things like that much easier....
Ditto the disclaimer on the not knowing what kind of mom you will be from above. I was a very social person pre baby, and thought I would continue this. I understand that some people do change the way they feel on this issue PP, but I did not.
My parents, my ILs, and my godmother have all watched our DS overnight since we have had him and he was a relatively hard baby with reflux (I had surgery early on, then his parents watched most of the night on NYE, then for a wedding in late Jan.--all of these were in town, but he was MUCH younger than you are talking about). Even now at 13wks he is starting to wake up once in the middle of the night at most (although I find he wakes up more if someone else puts him to bed).
Your parents will likely not mind at all. Let them do a few run thrus with late nights/bedtime early on, and you will be fine. I find that grandparents do better when you don't hover too much and it lets them find their stride with their grandbaby. I missed DS, but I also enjoyed spending time out and alone with DH.
I second the hand pump for times away as well!
I say...don't listen to her! There's no black and white when it comes to how you will feel as a mom and how the baby will behave. I think 4-5 month is actually a good age to go on a short trip and leave Z with his grandparents.
With that said, I never left Emmy for more than one night (until she was over a year old), but I'm just weird and wouldn't wish my weirdness on anyone...
Avery went to my Mom's for 3 nights when she was about 4 months old. It was hard, but we both survived just fine.
My 5 month old neice is at my house with my mom (granted formula fed) and has been since Wednesday night and will be here until this Friday or Saturday without my lovely sister.
It will be whatever you are comfortable with. Poo on anyone who tells you differently.
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i guess i am going to be the voice of dissent. i do agree that no one should automatically assume anything will be a certain way. i also agree that you can and should have a very active social life after baby is born. i did and still do and still anticipate doing so with 2 and even 3 kids. that being said 4-5 mos may actually be younger than you imagine. even if your baby is STTN, it may be hard emotionally for you to leave at that point. it also may be too much of a pain with pumping. you never know if you are going to have a slow supply and have to keep a consistent schedule to maintain, or you could be blessed with an over supply that would make pumping at very short intervals necessary. or you could have no supply issues but a baby that doesn't like the bottle. maybe your baby won't STTN and the grandparents won't mind (my mom doesn't mind, but my inlaws would) but that doesn't mean you'll be ready to give over your night time parenting to someone else. at 4 mos, your baby may hit the wakeful period. at 5 mos, they might start sitting up and this new development may keep them up at night out of sheer excitement.
so, basically my advice is this: if this is something that you need to do a lot of preplanning for, like several months in advance, i would skip it until next year. if you can plan it 2 mos ahead of time, when the baby is 2-3 mos old, you will have a better idea about what your situation is and can make the decision from there.
having a baby WILL change your life. it should. if it doesn't, people shouldn't have them yet. however, my changes have all been for the better. i still have a very active social life, but my activites are different. sometimes. most of the things i don't do anymore i don't have a desire to do, baby or no baby. so, i think it's true when people say your life, and your priorities, will change. you may just find that this trip is not a priority anymore. and that is ok. that doesn't make you boring or resigned. you might have a new friend you met with a baby your age who wants to rent a house in galveston and party for teh weekend but with the kids and suddenly that might sound like better option... just keep an open mind.
I agree with V on this one. There's no way I could leave Marion overnight at this point. (Josh actually canceled his trip to Atlanta because we decided it wouldn't be good for her to go and he didn't want me staying with her by myself for three days.)
Marion is a very difficult baby, she doesn't sleep through the night (sometimes she does, sometimes she's up six times) and she's decided to apparently start seperation anxiety early.
A lot of this isn't going to depend on what you want to do, but on your baby's personality as well. My parents are coming in to town this weekend and they wouldn't mind taking Marion overnight and I wouldn't mind letting them, but I know she would have not one piece of that.
But as to your friend, she needs to be quiet. There's so much I'd like to tell my PG friends when they tell me things (and I'm sure my mom friends wanted to do the same to me when I was pg) but I just am quiet unless they explicitly ask my advice. Every person, mom and baby both, are different and so what works for one doesn't work for everyone.
j+k+m+e | running with needles
Every mother is indeed different. I am more in Rayskit's camp on this one. I was always comfortable leaving my babies in the care of others for short intervals, but didn't do an overnight until they were seven months and nine months respectively.
I pumped exclusively for many months and did it in many places, so I can understand someone being willing to pump at a campsite. But there's a chance you might not be comfortable dumping the milk. If you have supply issues, that milk may be more precious than gold to you.
I know it is annoying to keep hearing that everything will change (and I was annoyed by that too when I was pg with DD), but on the flip side....
As a mom it's awfully hard to bite my tongue when I hear expectant moms going on about how they will never X and they will continue to do Y as usual. I usually just keep quiet, laugh to myself and think yeah, good luck with that.
I did leave my DD overnight with my dad at 6mo... but by overnight I mean about 12 hours. And it felt like a very big deal. Yes, of course some moms are different, but don't underestimate mothering instinct and mothering hormones which will still be raging when your DS is 4-5mo.
The average age for sttn may be 3mo - but sttn means 5 hours straight, and frankly you might not even be getting that much sleep at that point.
I certainly don't think you have to give up your annual trip forever, but taking a year off might be something you'll need to do. I agree with V, if it can be setup/canceled when he's 3mo old you'll be able to make a better decision then.
Like everyone said, every mom and baby is different.
My kid was STTN 12 hours by 3 months and I left her with family for 5 days at 4 months. I couldn't BF so she was FF, so I can't say anything about that.I was fine. It's actually harder for me to leave her overnight for that long now that she's older, I feel like she's more aware of missing us.
But I know many wonderful moms who weren't comfortable leaving their baby overnight for the 1st year, even some who expected to be ok with it. You never know until your kid is here, I can't even say I'll be ok leaving the next one at the same age.
It's all about what works for you and your kid, you'll know what will work for you pretty quickly (in the wether you can leave or not at least).
I don't think either way is better or worse for the baby in general, it's what's good for your family that will happen. It's rude of your friend to tell you how it's going to be in her certain terms.
I agree with the every mom and baby is different idea. I am one of those people that laughs to myself when people plan big/overnight trips when the babies are very young. That being said I know a girl who left her 3 week old to go to LA and gamble overnight. I personally could have never done that but, she is fine with it.
Landon STTN 12 hours when he was 2 months old. But suffered SEVERE seperation anxiety at 5 months. I mean so bad that I couldnt leave the room without him throwing a screaming and crying fit !! He is now 8 months old and I still haven't left him overnight or even for longer than 6 hours.
I am just weird and believe that anything I want to do he can do with me. And if he cant then I wouldnt go. My life did change when I had him but I think for the better. My social life now consists of hanging out with other families and doing family things. Example, for NYE we went to my BFF's house and hung out over there. There were kids there and we had just as much fun as we would have going out on the town.
Just decide for yourself as the time gets closer and you know what kind of baby DS is.
I agree, every mom and situation is different. It used to drive me NUTS when someone told me how my life would change, what I would and wouldn't do etc before Aiden arrived. But now that he is here, I realize that most of the things people told me are true. He's 2.5 months and I could not imagine leaving him overnight just yet, or even at 4-5 months. We too go on a river trip every year, but didn't go last year because I was pg and will skip this year because we don't feel comfortable leaving him overnight. My feeling is that at such a young age, he still needs his mommy and daddy and he doesn't understand yet about spending the night with grandma. But that is just how dh and I feel about it.
Your life will change once your baby arrives, there is no doubt. You can still keep up some of your social activities, but it will be harder. Dh and I were laughing on Saturday because it was 6:30 pm and we both fell asleep on the couch while Aiden was napping. Things change big time!