What do you say when people ask you about kids?

caden · February 2009

I was at a girls night out and a person there asked me in front of everyone when it was going to be "my turn." Most of my friends there knew about my IF, but she didn't and the way she asked pissed me off. So I responded that we were going through IF, just b/c I knew it would make her feel badly. It worked. But now I feel badly that I made her look bad.

::sigh::

What do you do when people ask? I can't decide if I should use the opportunity of that question to tell as many people as I can that it's very annoying to ask someone that, or if I should just be the bigger person and let it go.

preheatedoven · February 2009

I just say 'not yet' to most people, but if I am feeling snarky I do what you did:)

lnle · February 2009

I think you could be honest without trying to make the person feel bad. Maybe something like "actually we've been trying for a long time and it's been pretty difficult, but we're hopeful it will be our turn next".

Yellow_Daisy · February 2009

I say we can't have kids and are persuing fertility treatments but it costs a lot of money, that we don't have, so that is why we don't have kids.

I don't say it to be mean but more to educate them that not everyone can have kids and if you don't want to know the real answers then you shouldn't ask. I see no reason to hide what we are going through, it has greatly impacted our lives. I also take every opportunity to tell people how crappy insurance for IF is because most people don't know. I find that some people get embarassed and others don't, but again if you don't want to know the true answer you shouldn't be asking the question, IMHO.

sunnybrook. · February 2009

I think the question is well intended. I wouldn't use it as an opportunity to teach someone proper etiquette. I'm very paranoid as coming across as the bitter or angry infertile, so I try to use it as an opportunity to educate the person on infertility and/or m/c. I usually respond with "We're trying but its been difficult." This usually makes people feel comfortable and will ask some questions.

gringa78 · February 2009

When people ask me when we're going to have a baby I say, "When we're lucky enough to have one".

babydontforget · February 2009

I usually just say, "Someday," or something similarly vague. I don't put them in their place because I'd honestly just rather not deal with it. Having a showdown wouldn't make me feel better, and it would surely make them feel badly...lose, lose. So I just move on.

Southern-Yankee · February 2009

I usually say "When it's time" or "Eventually." I have said once "If you have the money to give us to have kids then we'll have them." It was a guy that asked all the time and just wouldn't stop asking. It's hard not to be snarky because it's really no one's business and I hate how other people make it their business.

beadgirl2 · February 2009

I usually tell them the truth. I find it's easiest and I get to tell my story and educate them. Then they usually either don't ask again or ask because they truely care how things are going.

shannon07 · February 2009

I have been getting this a lot at work recently. I usually will just say something like, "I don't know, i guess when the time is right." Usually people get the hint, but some have actually asked me if i am still using BC. WTF? Who asks that question?

AtlJuneBride · February 2009

I usually try to make a joke of it if I am in a decent mood. DH and I saw someone we hadn't seen in a while this weekend and he asked us if we had kids yet and I patted my stomach and said "not that I'm aware of". But on regular days I just say "when we're sick of taking 2 week European vacations" which makes me look snobby but f*ck them let them be jealous of me for once since I always jealous of the fertiles.

AlexPuppy · February 2009

AtlJuneBride:
I just say "when we're sick of taking 2 week European vacations" which makes me look snobby but f*ck them let them be jealous of me for once since I always jealous of the fertiles.

I *love* this!!! I'm totally going to use this.

Beats my standby "when the time is right."

DiscusCoach · February 2009

I guess that depends is if the person is asking because they care or if they are asking to throw it in your face.

If they care I'll tell them "hopefully soon".

If they are being a jerk I'd do something mean and appropriate to the situation. I haven't had this happen so I had better come up with something to say just in case...

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