a random vent

yogisunam · February 2009

With my levels coming in screwy and pretty much being told (by midwives) that my chances of getting pg on my own are slim, it's gave me some peace of mind during my last 2ww. However, now that the new cycle started the intense drive kicking in, but without the optimism so its kinda leaving me in a crappy mood.

My RE appt isn't until March 12, and I just found out my DH is going out of town quite likely during my (theoretical) fertile phase that first cycle. So that may put a damper in a possible iui that cycle. Which is optimistic considering I am not even sure that I want to go with that RE. Boston has a ton of IF clinics so I feel overwhelmed by the choice...do I pick convienance, reputation (they are all good, though), what my PCP wants???

I was thinking that a couple month break would do me good, but the thought of more waiting just makes me angry. Not that I feel all that optimistic that anything would work.

I don't know anymore. IF sucks.

babydontforget · February 2009

I'm sorry. I know what you mean about feeling the intense drive, but also crabby--it's such a damn roller coaster every month.

Perhaps your RE's advice will change your outlook a bit, and actually having treatment plans ahead of you (whether you start them right away or not) will be helpful. Speaking of: I'd say go with an RE who makes you feel comfortable. And if that's something you have to shop around for, so be it--it'll be worth it.

easjer05 · February 2009

I can relate. I've been doing a lot of thinking about when we want to try again, because there is conflicting information on when it is ok to try after methotrexate. I jumped the gun a lot and got really worked up about ovulation in the first potential cycle being only 8 weeks post shot. And whether or not I should go ahead, given the conflicting info and the whole thing made me angry. Not trying because I've been told not to (because it's potentially dangerous) and not trying because I'm choosing to wait . . . man, that's totally different and much, much harder.

In the end, the decision was easy for us because my levels aren't at 0 and I'm not cycling yet and the longer that continues (frustrating as it is in its own way), the easier the decision becomes for us.

OK, that was a lot about me. Sorry. But you are not alone and the frustration of trying to make decisions and voluntarily hold off is exceedingly frustrating. I hope this first RE is one that you click with and agree with to make at least 1 frustration easier.

Nikki1007 · February 2009

I wouldn't stress about doing a potential IUI the first cycle with the RE. That cycle will most likely be testing anyway. B/w, HSG, SA etc.

yogisunam · February 2009

Nikki1007:
I wouldn't stress about doing a potential IUI the first cycle with the RE. That cycle will most likely be testing anyway. B/w, HSG, SA etc.

I'm hoping the first cycle will be the clomid challenge. I did bloodwork last cycle, DH has had SA. IUI or no. Skipped the HSG this cycle since they found a problem, but am now regretting it. Oh well.

I keep thinking I've turned a page, that I am coming to terms with everything. But then I'll wake up the next day and feel like I've regressed. I hope once I get the RE thing going I'll find some peace.

staycee · February 2009

IF does suck

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