NBR: FI wants to get married in Vegas...(super long)

mavilabride · February 2009

When we were planning our wedding, I was completely stressed out. Originally I wanted to get married gardenside of our favorite church and have dinner at our favorite restaurant with 15 guests (my mom, brothers, his parents, brother, our grandparents, and best friends). By the time I decided to just stop planning for a little while it had turned into this monster of a wedding with 150 guests and a budget that was 9 times what we were originally planning to spend. None of what it became was what we wanted. It was a product of being bullied into inviting children and extended family (long story).

Anyway, I decided not to start planning again until this year and that's when I found out I am pregnant.

Fast forward to now-I have to go to Vegas for work. I invited FI to go with me so that we can catch some shows while there. I told him to stay with me for 2 days. He said he wanted to stay longer and that we should get married while there. I thought he was joking. He wasn't. He said he just wants to be married without all of the stress we went through and that we could have a small dinner with our families when we get back.

I'm much more open to the idea than picking up my planning book again BUT I think I would feel sad that my mom and his parents couldn't be there (them going to Vegas is out of the question). But FI has a point that if we try to go back to our 15 person idea, the whole drama will start all over again and we should just get married just the two of us.

I guess I'm just looking for opinions/thoughts...

DSteed-to-be · February 2009

I say, it is your wedding, and if you want it small with 15 guests, insist that that is the only way you're doing it. Why give up what you want for other people who aren't the couple planning it or getting married? It is YOUR day as a couple, so make it what YOU want. Tough crap for everyone else who wants you to do it differently -- they can or could have done that at their own weddings!

And the puppy in your siggy is the CUTEST thing I've seen! Is that a malti-poo?

robbie3982 · February 2009

I don't think it's such a bad idea. I'd really think a lot about how you'll feel about your parents not being there though. You kind of just have to weigh the pros and cons. Is the lack of stress worth not having your parents there? If yes, then go for it. I would've really liked to have done a destination wedding, but knowing that our best friends wouldn't be able to be there made it not worth it to me.

kjlrs · February 2009

i think it sounds just fine to me and have wished that i had done a smaller, more casual thing for our wedding like a destination thing or whatever. but, ultimately it's up to you and your gut feeling. if you'll regret having gotten married in vegas then don't do it. maybe talk with your mom and see if the idea makes her sad or if she's supportive. not that it's her decision, but her reaction may impact your end feelings on the presence of family.

HotDish! · February 2009

We were married in Vegas, it was wonderful but most importantly....stress free! My family was there though, I couldn't get married without them being there.

Vixey529 · February 2009

Honestly, I would go for it with the Vegas thing. DH and I got engaged and married here in FL, but EVERYONE in our families live in Massachusetts/Vermont. Neither of our moms could make it down here for a wedding, so we decided it wasn't worth having one. My dad flew down and was our witness. We got married on a Wednesday at the courthouse downtown. It was the most beautiful day ever.

Even though a part of me is sad that we never got to have a "real" wedding, in a way, I think it was "better" that we had the stress of a ceremony and big party removed. We didn't have to focus our attention on a million guests... it was very low-key, romantic, and the most beautiful day.

I'd go for the Vegas thing! What is most important is that you end up married and have a great day together, right?

mavilabride · February 2009

DSteed-to-be:

And the puppy in your siggy is the CUTEST thing I've seen! Is that a malti-poo?

Yes! He was 2 months there. I think he's about 7 now.

Thanks for the opinions so far. Such a tough decision for me to make...

skimberlin · February 2009

I totally understand what your going through. We have planned and changed dates 3 times, and I have just said I don't want to talk about it until after the babies are born and we have ourselves set with them. My whole thing is I couldn't do it without my family there. (mom, dad sister, brother ect) Not the whole family with over 200 people. I would love to do it that way in vegas without the stress and it would still be nice. I just know that it's only going to happen once and I would have to have my family there. That's just me though. Maybe you could tell everyone you are just having it you and him, and then have your select few come down just for the day or something. It can be one big secret.

Cella_24 · February 2009

Here is the thing to ask yourself. Do YOU want to elope? Think about what you want and not what everyone else wants and if you want to elope then do it. Family can be stressful, but it is your wedding and hopefully the only one you will ever have if you dream about a big wedding then have a big wedding if you don't and you just want to be married, I think you have your answer.

SouthernBellelovesaYankee · February 2009

This is my situation, minus Vegas.

I want to elope...planning a wedding while pregnant should be a crime.

::hugs:: Good luck!

tgallo · February 2009

We went through the same thing you did with extended family trying to take over our wedding. I put off getting married for 3 years because of it, which caused a lot of stress of DH and I. We probably would have gotten married in Vegas had we not finally put our foot down about the wedding.

You could also go get married in Vegas and then have a reception here for the family. You definitely don't need the added stress of planning a wedding.

MidwestTexan · February 2009

I would go ahead and get married in Vegas and then just host a reception when you guys get back to celebrate. Your stress level is not worth planning some big affair if your heart isn't in it.

blendedfammama · February 2009

What if you got married in Vegas at one of the chapels that has live webcast? My aunt did this, although we knew ahead of time...but you could call your parents and say, "go to such and such website"...then they would see you get married but you wouldn't have to deal with the drama. Just a thought.

SWMcFarland · February 2009

We ended up planning a destination wedding to Vegas, and it was the best thing I have ever done. I said the same thing about his parents coming to Vegas, but people surprise you. We had about 40 people total (crazy amount!!) and it was awesome.

We did it at the Red Rock Resort in Summerlin, which is off the beaten path a bit. It was AMAZING. I could go on and on about this, but even if it would have just been DH and I, it still would have been awesome.

And like PP said, you can have a reception when you get home!!

G/L!

mavilabride · February 2009

That's the thing with extended family. They tried to take over and eventually won.

It started with me stupidly mentioning to a cousin the plans. She flipped out. How can I have a wedding without inviting her mom (who happens to be my Godmother.) My Godmother found out and starts crying that I don't love her. So fine, she was invited. Then it was how can I not invite my Godson. Inviting my Godson didn't mean 1 extra person. It meant inviting him and his mom (my cousin) which also meant inviting her husband and two other children. But I couldn't invite them without inviting her sisters that lived nearby. The end of that conversation resulted in inviting 17 extra people. Then my other cousins in the area were offended and of course I couldn't invite my cousins without inviting my FI's cousins so that turned into 85 people total. A month later it creeped up into 150 after other aunts/uncles found out that I was inviting my Godmother and long distance cousins found out I was inviting my local cousins.

What a disaster.

robynlesley · February 2009

MidwestTexan:
I would go ahead and get married in Vegas and then just host a reception when you guys get back to celebrate. Your stress level is not worth planning some big affair if your heart isn't in it.

I agree completely! Buy yourself a pretty dress and have someone at the chapel take photos and get married. When you get back, have a reception somewhere and keep it small and intimate.

If you love each other and want to be married, then do it.

Good luck!

mitzi goodson · February 2009

I don't think that is sounds like a bad idea at all. You could have the wedding in Vegas with just you & FI & then you could do another ceremony after the baby is born when you have more time to plan. It can still be a small intimate ceremony just the way you dreamed it to be & then do the dinner after that......

lkaylee721 · February 2009

I begged DH to run off with me to Vegas and elope when we were first engaged. He didn't want to, so we didn't, but in the middle of the stress and everything of planning our wedding, he regretted not running away to do it!...I think it's a fabulous idea!

Chelsi22 · February 2009

I would go for Vegas, it know it is easier said then done, but DH and I both looking back would have gone to Vegas. My dad of all people tried to get us to go to Vegas. I loved my wedding don't get my wrong, but we had over 500 guest for the wedding and reception, we had a great time but I got no help from anyone and it was the biggest stress of my life. I would either do the 15 people or if it is going to be to big with more people than you want then GO TO VEGAS Cool

madonnadouwanna · February 2009

What if you got married in Vegas and did a vow renewal with a justice of the peace with your family back home and have a nice dinner reception of the 15 or so people. My friends got married in Colombia last year (her family is from there) and that was their actual ceremony, they then had a vow renewal a week later in CA (his family is from there) and it resolved a lot of issues... Good luck!! But remember, it's YOUR day, no one elses.

afg · February 2009

Can you talk to your parents and see how they feel?

planning our wedding was the most stressful thing I've ever done, mostly because my husband's father was a huge annoyance (we still don't talk to him) but anyways...if you want a small wedding then I'd jump at the chance of getting married in Vegas. Ultimately it's up to you and your FI.

If it's important that your parents and his be there, then I'd plan a small "party" for you and them at your house, or restaurant and surprise them with a wedding, then no one else needs to know.

lennonlover · February 2009

Do you want to get married in Vegas? Personally, I would love it. I wanted to, but DH wanted to have all his friends there that wouldn't be able to travel. If it's something YOU want to do, go for it. You can celebrate with family when you get back!

Jamers615 · February 2009

DH and I were married in Vegas. I was hesitant because my family was not there. The minute I walked down the aisle (in the gaudy, overdone chapel, walking towards Elvis), everything dissapeared. Even Elvis. It was just me and DH saying our vows, and was the best day of my life. If you want to be married, then just get married. Do what YOU want and not what others want you to!

tiffany0486 · February 2009

i think that you need to do what you feel! you should not be stressing about a wedding right now its not good for you or baby...so i think if you just elope it will be a lot more stress free and then you and your new DH can just have a party to celebrate when you return

EmmaRain · February 2009

I realize that it is soooo tempting just to say "forget what I wanted, this is too stressful, let's just get married now!"

I was completely stressed out during our wedding planning and had several moments where DH and I said we'd rather just fly to our honeymoon destination and get married there. We could leave the drama behind.

We were in the same boat. We wanted less than 50 people and it turned into 150 with all of our parents' friends and family that they thought just HAD to be there. We both said we really wanted our parents and grandparents at our wedding, so a destination wedding wasn't an option without hurting some feelings.

My advice is to not get married in Vegas. You deserve a wedding that you want. You only get one wedding in your lifetime and you don't want to remember that you got married in Vegas because the stress was too much for you to get what you really wanted.

I'd do one of two things:

1. Plan an engagement party or some sort of evening party that would warrant having your parents and closest friends as guests. When they all get there, have someone announce that this is actually a surprise wedding. Everyone can meet at the garden location for you to get married there. I've known a few people that did this and they only told about 5 people that it was the wedding. Those people were friends that had to travel into town and they were the ones that helped decorate for the ceremony and set up the food. They used the rest of the wedding money to go on an awesome honeymoon.

2. Look at your wedding budget. Think of a location you and your FI would absolutely love to go to (Hawaii, Italy, Paris, etc.). Use the money to go there and get married. Then have a big celebration when you get back. I wouldn't get married in Vegas on a business trip just because you both happen to be there. You deserve to at least choose the location!

Good luck!

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