Would I be crazy to move closer to dd's dad?

belle204 · February 2009

I'm *thinking* yes. But he keeps asking to help me find a job and place to live there. I'm so frustrated with job searching here and living with my mom I'm almost willing to consider it. Does this mean I've reached the end of my crazy rope?

katie277s · February 2009

I would say no, but I do not know the back story.

JellymanKelly · February 2009

It depends on where he lives! If he lives somewhere that has better opportunities for you and your DD, then I'd consider it...but I also know he is a total ass to you most of the time, so it might also depend on whether or not I had friends or family nearby that I could lean on in case he started being a jerk again.

xbrooklyngrl · February 2009

Well, a few things to ask yourself.

1. will it be a good place for you and A

2. can you find work there

3. will he help you and be more involved?

DandelionMom · February 2009

Not crazy. ?But I bet you'd miss having your family around. ?It might be nice for A though. ?As long as he continues to want to be involved (didn't he struggle with this not too long ago?). ?

Temp374386125003286 · February 2009

How big of a move would that be? Do you have any family there? I wouldn't pick up and move for someone who has been inconsistent in your daughter's life.

JOEBunny · February 2009

I think there could be some benefit to her, but you get a lot of support from your family with DD, so unless he were committed to filling in the gap & where you are has a bad economy vs where he is, I would not move.

belle204 · February 2009

Well, I don't really have any friends here and my family is an ass to me most times too. So, I'm not sure it can get much worse. He's been better lately and we've been getting along and working out issues. I really do think he'd be more helpful if we were closer but like Jelly said, in the back of my mind I worry about him reverting.

Backstory: dd's dad doesn't pay child support even though we have an order, he's only seen her a few times and she's 3, he can get rather ugly with me from time-to-time. We just haven't gotten along well until recently.

xbrooklyngrl · February 2009

has he made more effort recently to see her or help financially?

belle204 · February 2009

I guess I should clarify that my family is helpful but it comes at a price. They're really emotionally draining and ugly to me. The only one I'd really miss is my middle sister (even though we argue). I worry A would miss them and we would be 7 or 8 hours away. There really aren't a lot a lot of jobs here and it seems that area might be a bit better off.

I don't know.... just thinking out loud I suppose.

mags2041 · February 2009

If you could find a job in the area and if he might become a more consistent figure in A's life, I would say go for it.

How far is it from where you are now? Do you know anyone there?

Temp374386125003286 · February 2009

I would say to stay put for 6 months and see if he is consistent with you and her right now. Is he keeping up with his financial commitment? If he can consistently keep up with his responsibility for 6 months or so then maybe consider it.

joseysbride · February 2009

Well, I know you have been out of work for a really long time, and I know that if I were in that position I'd be willing to move anywhere if it meant finding a job, so I say go for it. The worst that can happen is it doesn't work out and you move back home; right?

skippy2310 · February 2009

I think it could be a good thing. It might make him become more involved in DD's life, you might be able to find a great job, it could be a fresh start for all of you, etc. It really comes down to whether or not you'd want to make the move and leave where you are now.

suzymarie · February 2009

I would tell him that if he pays CS consistantly for say 6 months you wil consider it, but to not even bother bringing it up until then. If he means to be involved, he needs to cough up the $$$.

xbrooklyngrl · February 2009

I think I'd scout jobs out before even thinking about it. He's not someone you can really depend on and what happens when you are stuck 8 hrs away and he decides to flip the switch and you need help with A?

Zenya · February 2009

I think you should move for sure to get away from your family and have better job opportunities. Should you move to where he is? that depends on how emotionally invested you are in him. If you can take or leave him then go for it (nice to know people). If you are in any way emotionally vulnerable with him then I would not risk it.

Kelly Madonna · February 2009

Don't you still get free flights, which means you could visit your family whenever you wanted? If this is still the case, then, yes, I would definitely at least consider this option.

DandelionMom · February 2009

smmacabe is very smart.

(and I can't spell)?

belle204 · February 2009

No, he's not doing better helping me financially. He asks to see her but wants her to come there. I do still have my flight benefits Newly so I can fly back and forth for nothing. I could even set it up so he can fly here or wherever we are for little of nothing. I do not have a vested interest in him or feeling anymore.I cannot get past his attitude and behavior over the past few years. It's not the person I knew. I really just want to find a job, for A to be able to spend more time with her dad and to not feel the pressure of my family. Whether or not moving where he is is the right answer to those things...deep down I think it's doubtful.

Geez, I sound so stupid. I guess it just takes someone actually asking me these things and pointing them out to see it.

Thanks.

Zenya · February 2009

You really don't sound stupid at all.

You know you need to move out and you're just considering your options.

xbrooklyngrl · February 2009

I don't think you sound stupid at all. Needing to move out, is a definite but where is the question. Sorry babe. Hang in there.

joseysbride · February 2009

I don't think you sound stupid. I think you are considering all your options, and that's good. That said, I know you have been in this situation (no job, fed up with your family and dd's dad) for a long time, and I definitely think you need to do something different, even if it means moving to a different city. You know dd's dad best, and you know if that is a good decision or not, but that's not to say that you can't go somewhere else. While I definitely don't know you and your entire situation, I feel like you would be so much happier and you'd have a weight lifted if you could gain some space from your family and if you were working again.

Good luck!

kittycarr · February 2009

I do'nt think it's crazy. I tried convincing Ty's dad to move to MD at one point when he was unsuccessfully job searching.

belle204 · February 2009

Thanks ladies. I just want to do what's best for A in the long run.

I'm not making excuses for him but despite everything he really isn't a bad person. He has a lot of work to do but I know he does care about me and about her and wouldn't offer if he wasn't serious. Anywho, I'll figure things out.

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