I feel like I'm being selfish

Jessimurph · February 2009

I spent the whole night doing research on u/s weight estimate accuracy, complications of having a large baby, causes of having a large baby and just feel sad about everything now. I feel like this is my fault. I feel like I would be selfish to go with my idea of an ideal birth now over what my OB recommends.

Even if this u/s is 1 lb off that means best case scenario I have an almost 9lb baby today...who knows what she could be if I let my body go into labor naturally. How could I possibly know what's better for her more then my OB? What if I'm wrong and a c/s is necessary anyway, or her shoulder breaks because I held my ground, or something worse.

I'm just sad and scared. Sorry to keep this up I never ever expected to hear 9lbs 13oz. I don't know what to do with that information and I don't want to make the wrong decision and hurt her.

daisy22377 · February 2009

My friend's U/s told her that the baby was 10lbs3 oz! And the baby only delivered at 7lbs10 oz!!! So I have heard that u/s really can be WAY off. Having been inducted before, I would NEVER chose to do it again and I am praying I don't have to this time but I am overdue so who knows. Anyhow, I believe in nature taking it's course and that nature wouldn't put your baby at harm. I would try to at least wait until your due date. That is just my 2 cents! Gl!

Temp865949250007475 · February 2009

You are not selfish - everyone wants an "ideal birth". I think if you go with your gut you won't be wrong.

I think I missed your post last night, but is there any way you could be induced and if that doesn't work THEN have the c-section? that way you could at least try to have a vaginal first?

Impatientgal · February 2009

First, I think you are right- trust the OB. They've delt with this situation thousands of times and know what is best. Second, if you weren't freaking out about this I'd be worried. I would be shocked too. But no matter what, the baby has to come out and she will be happy and healthy. BTW, I read a study that said that bigger babies are happier in general. So you're going to have a great kid on your hands whenever, however she comes out.

Hang in there

Jessimurph · February 2009

MarissaS:
I think I missed your post last night, but is there any way you could be induced and if that doesn't work THEN have the c-section? that way you could at least try to have a vaginal first?

I think that will be an option, I talk to my OB about it this morning. I wanted an unmedicated vaginal birth, I think that's pretty much out now which makes me sad that I'm not doing what's best for her. Even if he lets me go until my due date, I'm afraid making that decision would cause some complication and having to rush to an emergency c-section because she's in distress would kill me to know I made a decision that was harmful to her.

I would give everyone similar advice to what daisy is giving me, but it feels so different being on the other side dealing with all these worries about what's best for my baby.

linnychanel · February 2009

You hear so many stories about bad inductions, BUT you also hear good ones. It's possible to have a great labor/delivery experience with getting induced, we have all read/heard the stories either IRL or the net.

At some point, I believe you have to trust your Dr's. Your Dr is not going to let anything bad happen to your baby.

Jessimurph · February 2009

Impatientgal:
First, I think you are right- trust the OB. They've delt with this situation thousands of times and know what is best. Second, if you weren't freaking out about this I'd be worried. I would be shocked too. But no matter what, the baby has to come out and she will be happy and healthy. BTW, I read a study that said that bigger babies are happier in general. So you're going to have a great kid on your hands whenever, however she comes out.
Hang in there

Thank you. That makes me feel 1% warm and fuzzy on the inside which is a huge step up from the 100% terror and doom I've been feeling the whole night

Danielle McGrath · February 2009

::hugging jessimurph and rocking back and forth::

It's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault...

brandistrionfo@gmail.com · February 2009

it's definitely not your fault! your baby is going to be beautiful and healthy and wonderful no matter how she gets here!

I know it's gotta be hard going with something different than what you planned, but PP are right, your OB knows what's best, and you should go with him.

The way I see it, as long as the baby gets out, it's all good.:)

SWMcFarland · February 2009

Jess, I know you are struggling with what to do, and trying to do the best thing for your baby. But the added stress isn't good for you. Unfortunately, we sometimes have to trust our doctors, even when we aren't sure they are always right.

I don't want to be induced either, but I am watching my own hopes be taken away quickly with the whole pre-e thing. That said, if I remember correctly, you've had a pretty good relationship with your OB, so that should help in trusting them somewhat.

No matter what, you must trust yourself. Seems cheesy, but only you know what is right for you. I have read plently of induction success stories!

I will be thinking about you today! Hope all goes well!

cobi166 · February 2009

My sister was induced with her baby and he is perfectly healthy and happy and she had the most wonderful delivery ever!!! She felt great, things went smoothly and they didn't have to do a c/s. Personally I would go with what my doctor told me. I don't understand why everyone freaks out about induction and delivering before 40 weeks. People have been doing it for years and babies are just fine. It's not harmful to your baby or your doctor wouldn't suggest it...that's just my opinion though. I have no idea what it is like to be on your side of things. Whatever you decide, things will work out fine. I wish you and your little one the absolute best!!!

Heggreene · February 2009

SpringPeeper:

Jessi,

I wish I was really good at making others feel warm and fuzzy, cause I really think you need it! First, it's not your fault she is big! It means you are feeding her and keeping life stress free! Second, I am still of the belief that your body can handle it. Many women have given birth to largish babies with no problems. You've never mentioned that you have small hips and i have no doubt that you will be able to push her out.

Even if you allow yourself to go into labor naturally, your OB isn't going to let you endanger her or get to the point where her shoulder breaks. If he sees that she won't come out, he'll tell you and at that point you'll know you tried your best and might be more at ease with the decision.

I also know that you should trust your OB, but after giving you your options, perhaps you and DH should sit on the decision for a bit instead of making it in the office. Your OB makes me kind of leary because he offered you a c-section just because you were uncomfortable, so I would want a lot of reassurance from him, personally.

Whatever decision you make, it's the right one! You are Charley's mommy and you aren't going to hurt her!

I agree with this. Your body is made to have a baby. Even if she does get stuck, say her shoulder, there are positions that you can try that will widen your pelvis to allow room for her to slip on through. The best book to find that info, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.

No doctor will let a laboring women continue to where it harms the baby. No doctor would. Plus, if this pregnancy doesnt result in a c-s or being induced, you can always try again.

My first was induced with pitocin. I got nubaine and an epi. This time, I read soo many books and decided on a unmedicated birth. I know more now than I did with my first. With my first I just went with the flow of things. I didn't know anything about having a baby. All I knew is from what is portrayed in our society, childbirth is painful, and Dr knows what's best. And sometimes the Dr doesn't know what's best.

Do what your gut feels. Did you ask about getting your membranes stripped?

Jessimurph · February 2009

SpringPeeper:
I also know that you should trust your OB, but after giving you your options, perhaps you and DH should sit on the decision for a bit instead of making it in the office.

That's great advice. Part of what makes me so scared is making that decision on the spot, if Shaun and I go have lunch and talk everything over after the appointment and come back and let him know I think that will ease a lot of stress and fear for me. Thank you SP, my warm and fuzzy meter is slowly climbing

Jessimurph · February 2009

Heggreene:
Do what your gut feels. Did you ask about getting your membranes stripped?

I've been a "dimple dilated" the last two appts. Can they strip my membranes if I'm not dilated? Hmmm, I will ask him that also.

Heggreene · February 2009

Jessimurph:
Heggreene:

Do what your gut feels. Did you ask about getting your membranes stripped?

I've been a "dimple dilated" the last two appts. Can they strip my membranes if I'm not dilated? Hmmm, I will ask him that also.

I asked yesterday about getting mine done and the midwife said if my cervix was favorable she would do it. I'm 1-2cm and 80%. She said you want me to do it? I said what are my chances of it working? I'm still a little firm on the outside of my cervix so she said she would actually advise against it for now. She said if she does it, she wants to do it right and make it work. So I go back Monday to see if they can do it.

I supposedly had it done with my first, but it didn't lead anywhere. I had no cramping, cx, spotting, nothing.

If your cervix is soft and your OB can get a finger inside he should be able to do it.

MTOW · February 2009

I don't know how common it is, but for what it's worth, my collarbone was broken when I was born and it is no big deal. I reportedly cried a lot that first night, but that just as easily could have been because they took me to the nursery instead of letting me stay with my mom. I've never had any pain from it, and wouldn't even know that it had happened if someone hadn't told me.

You're doing the right thing, getting all of the information and trying to do what's best for your baby. In the end, no one knows 100% whether choice A is better than choice B, not even your doctor. So get the information you need and then take the time you need to make a decision that you're comfortable with. You don't have to decide in the office, you don't have to decide at lunch, you don't even have to decide today. Whatever you do, chances are excellent that you and baby will be just fine.

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