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Parenting
I need an opinion on my bad mothering.
Gracie's birthday is February 21st. I am wanting to have her party probably March 7th. We had it March 1st last year because it was the first weekend available. It worked out better because my father passed away on February 8th so a party right after that seemed inappropriate.
The anniversary of his death is this Sunday and I have been having a horrible time dealing. I am trying so hard to plan her party but I want to have it in March again because February has just become so awful for me. We will obviously still do something with her on her actual birthday and she'll get to see her grandparents, aunts, and uncles. The party will be for friends and extended family.
DO you think this is bad of me? Is it unfair to her to have her party in March when her birthday is in February just because of the bad memories associated with the month? I don't plan on doing it forever, of course but this year it just feels right to me.
The reason I'm asking opinions is because some people in my dh's family disgree with my decision. I say, well, YOUR dad didn't kill himself last February so pfffft. Well, I don't really say that but that's what I wish I could say.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I need an opinion on my bad mothering.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
I see nothing wrong with it. If it's what works, go with it. She really doesn't know the difference yet this year.
In another year or two, it may be more important to have it closer to her actual birthday, but not right now.
Sorry you are having a tough time. Don't worry about the party, she will have just as much fun no matter when its held.
She's two and has no idea that you're celebrating on the "wrong" day. I can't believe anyone is rude enough to complain about a birthday party held a couple weeks after the actual birthday in any circumstance.
Because of my dad's work schedule we usually celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays a few days early or late. It's just another day on the calendar - what makes it special is actually celebrating it.
You are not a bad mother.
I too have lost my Dad, and one thing you have on your side is time. It does get easier to deal with. It doesn't go away but you will be able to reconcile with it.
That being said too, realize birthdays are to celebrate life and living. Let your child have that. What your Dad chose, was his choice. You child needs to enjoy the reasons for celebrating a birthday is for all the joy they brought into your world and theirs. If it happens to be in Feb-- well celebrate it.
Do what works best for you. She wont' know the difference at this point.
You need to give yourself some time to heal. I don't blame you for feeling like February is a crappy month right now. My mom died 7 years ago and this year (Jan 7th) was the first year that the anniversary didn't feel like a punch in the gut. I actually forgot about it and it was the most freeing feeling I've had in a long time. *hugs*
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
Thanks ladies, I appreciate the kind words and support! I think I will have it in March again this year but then get back on track for a February party next year. Hopefully by then the memories won't sting as badly as they do now.
Soxfan: You also have a very good point. This year it still just hurts too much and I think I will take advantage of the fact that she doesn't know the difference. Thanks!