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Parenting
wellfleet04
member
What do you do when your kid is out of control tantruming?
wellfleet04
member
in Parenting
Kate just threw an EPIC tantrum over I don't even know what. Maybe she didn't want to go down for nap, who know?! Whatever the case, she was biting/kicking/screaming, arching her back, and totally out of control. I tried to wait it out (me in the chair, her on the floor where she couldn't hurt herself) but after 10 minutes that seemed fruitless, so I just put her in her crib, closed the door, and walked away. She's quiet now, after 5 minutes of screaming. She was literally crying so hard she was choking, and there was no way to comfort her or calm her down that I could find.
What do you usually do?
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Re: What do you do when your kid is out of control tantruming?
Ignore it. Gracie has never had one THAT bad, but she's had a couple and if I know for sure she's just trying to get her way and isn't in pain or wanting something she needs...I ignore it. I just let her go on about it until she realizes I'm not paying attention to it. Then she stops and comes to cuddle.
Wow, that sounds like a bad one. I do the same thing. Make sure she is not hurting herself and I leave the room. I dont give her any attention or an audience.
When she calms down enough I calm her and comfort her out of the last bits of it.
Sorry she was so inconsolable.
If Jack is out of sorts I give him a timeout to collect himself. Then I go back in or take him from his timeout spot and give him a hug and a kiss and ask if he wants a snack or to do an activity. This usually works for us.
The other night he was throwing a fit (right after getting out of time out for throwing another fit. It was a hard afternoon/evening.) over putting his thick coat on to go to The Little Gym. It was too cold to wear the jacket he wanted to wear. He asked for a timeout the entire three minute drive to The Little Gym. Once there he burned off any anxiety he had pent up. Thank goodness.
Make sure that he's not near something on which he could hurt himself and walk away.
He gets like that if he naps too late... when he wakes up it is literally 15-30 minutes of uncontrollable screaming and sobbing. Nothing helps.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
You know me, I take pictures and put them on our blog.
Seriously though, I ignore. I put him in a safe place and I leave. If he was really out of control I would probably sit where I could see him to make sure he didn't hurt himself, but still ignore.
He has had 2 or 3 of those really bad ones and for all after he has calmed down (one took over 20 minutes - fun) he collects himself and comes for a hug.
Sorry it has been a tough day for Kate
I hold him and if he doesn't want that (happens when he is exhausted) then I sit in the room with him and talk softly and remind him that I'm there when he wants a hug. I thought maybe he wanted to be left alone but he cries more when I leave.
I never ignore it. That doesn't make sense for us b/c when he is out of control like that he really is out of control and needs support.
Throwing a fit b/c he wants some m&m's gets a different reaction (it's a different kind of tantrum with fake crying).
DD can do that for 45 minutes, if not longer. I try to prevent her from doing things, like kicking me or biting me, since then I have to put her in the corner. Mostly, I put her in her room and tell her to come out when she calms down, sometime she will put herself in the corner. If it isn't butt cold and I have the eneregy, I will put her in the stroller and take her for a walk. She still screams, but it is quieter outside than in the house. A few times I have taken her to the playground and left her in the stroller in the middle of the field and went to talk to my friends on the playground.
I cannot do anything for her, she will hurt me if I try to hold her. Nothing seems to calm her. She has been doing this for about a year now, sometimes everyday, sometimes just a couple of times a week. Her ped says that it is normal for really smart, high strung kids. She has known us for about 15 years socially, so knows how we are as people and parents.
Sam has only had two to that level, and both times were in public. Lucky me. :-) The first one I tried to rationalize (mostly because I was carrying two gym bags, a diaper bag, & also had my younger son & just couldn't logistically carry him out), and then I got PISSED. I am not proud of the way I handled myself. I finally took his hand and pretty much dragged him to the car. It was a huge parenting low for me, & I called DH from the car crying.
The second time, I was much more together myself, and asked him why he was upset, and then just walked away a bit (I could still see him, couldn't fully leave, as we were in a public area) and gave him some time to cool down.
If we are at home, I ask him if he needs to go to his room to calm down. 90% of the time, the reason things escalate in our house is because I don't modulate my own response & I get very frustrated with him. I also think he gets jealous of the attention my younger son gets, so I try to beef up the hugs, 1:1 time, attention with Sam & that also seems to help.
Tantrums are a daily occurrence at our home. Ben has epic tantrums like that regularly, and he doesn't *want* to be consoled. He *wants* to flip out, so I just let him. I don't leave the room because he can get destructive if I'm not watching him. I just sit somewhere close-by and don't make eye-contact. He eventually comes to me to help him calm down.
Emily has daily tantrums after her nap. She is just a total crab when she wakes up. Sometimes she will just scream, writhe, and roll around for up to 30 minutes. She, also, doesn't want me to console her. I just wait out the storm and try to stay calm, too. It's not easy!