Marital problems after baby?

buddhabelly · February 2009

Our son is three months old. I am sooo happy with him, I love being a mom. But to be honest, I can't stand my husband right now. He's been sick a lot and I get tired of listening to his complaining. I swear most of the time I am just "annoyed" with him. He's been making comments about my post-baby weight which pisses me off. (I've already lost 43 pounds) I just feel like the passion is gone. All we do is nag and bicker at each other. Thankfully, we've done a good job of not doing it in front of our son. Is it normal for your relationship to go through this after a baby? It's so bad, I'm considering being a single mom.

audge_podge · February 2009

There have been a few days (or weeks) when DH has done nothing but get on my nerves, so yes I think it's normal to have those feelings. I would definitely do whatever it takes though to rekindle your relationship. Remember the best gift you can give your DS is a happy & healthy relationship between you & your DH. Good luck!

KellyNAaron · February 2009

I dont have experience with this but I've seen other posts where women have these issues come up. It may be PPD. I've read that it can show up in ways such as this. Perhaps you should talk to your Dr before you make any decisions about being a single parent.

Were you having any problems before baby?

lily225 · February 2009

If it's THAT bad that you are considering leaving him, then you need to get in to see a counselor as soon as you can. That's NOT healthy at all.

The one thing I can say is that with ALL the new and crazy stuff going on it your lives, it's sooo easy to forget about your husband AS your husband. Get a babysitter and go out alone. Go get coffee, dinner, a walk even. You NEED to connect as husband and wife and not just spend every day as mom and dad.

Good luck with everything.

gobigblue · February 2009

it's normal - trust me! we had our issues too and i confided in a girlfriend. she said, "that's why they say don't consider divorce 6 months after baby." babies are hard in themselves. add a baby into a marriage and it's VERY hard. DH and i rarely fought, but after DD came, it was on! it's hard, but it gets better. give it some time. it won't be easy, but it will get better!

Smores730 · February 2009

We had problems after the baby too. We're one of those couples who bicker occasionally but have only really fought very few times over the years. We had a huge explosion a few months ago. Since then we've figured out better the who does what routine and as DD has gotten older and is easier to care for, things seemed to have fallen better in to place. There is hope. Hang in there!

kearber30 · February 2009

I feel ya' DH almost found himself single again after a few ass0le comments lately. To top it off I was 2 weeks late but thankfully af made her visit the morning I was going to poas.

Every DR in the world studies women for ppd but I think our men get it too... in some weird way I think they get a form of it.

MrsSledge · February 2009

The first few months are the worst. You feel like you are doing everything and YH is just there to make more work for you. It'll get better though. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to throttle DH before DD turned one, but as she got more active and interactive, things got better. He was more comfortable playing with her so I was able to get more me time.

Also, have you guys been able to have some time alone? I know your baby is still young, but your DH may feel neglected and that things have changed but not in a good way. You need to remember who you are as yourself and as a wife, not just as a mom.

crazyDCbride · February 2009

There's a good book out there on this - but, unfortunately, I can't remember the name of the book.

LydiaE2 · February 2009

I hear you. ?DH is having a lot of back pain lately so he has been no help. ?DS only sleeps with us at night (he wants to be snuggled), so we don't even have that time. ?We rarely get out on dates (seriously who wants to sit for a baby that doesn't sleep). ?I gained 70 lbs with DS and just started fitting into my fat pants again. ?

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Sunday evening I just wanted to watch the super bowl (I love sports). ?DH sat around and played video games while I did everything except watch the game. ?I was so pissed by the time I finally got DS to bed that I exploded all over my DH. ?He walked out ( he won't yell or talk about things). ?He came back after walking around for a few hours in cold. ?We didn't talk all day yesterday and he still refuses to hug and kiss me or talk about why we are so upset.

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It sucks. ?We are sleep deprived, hate each other and always at each others necks. ?Most of the time I don't feel much love for him. ?That said, I am not considering?divorce. ?The problems we have now are a result of not spending enough time together as a couple (without DS) and not sleeping well for about 7 months now.

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From talking with most of my friends, it is completely normal to have marital problems after the baby. ?At two weeks pp I was more in love with my DH than ever before. ?Now reality of life with baby has hit and we have not adjusted to it very well.?

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