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MIL/shower help please

kdee409kdee409 member
in 2nd Trimester

So my mom called me today with the date of my shower (yay!!).  I'm so excited, especially because we moved to CA about a year ago and my whole family is still in Michigan.  So my MIL made it super clear right when we got pregnant that she would want to do "her own" shower at her house, for her friends.  Rest of DH's family lives in wisconsin and we won't be able to make it there...they will typically just pick a larger item we need and all go in together, and have it shipped before baby is born.  Since my mom is throwing my shower she mentioned today that she wasn't going to invite my MIL to the family shower.  DH and I are going to talk about it tonight and see if we feel strongly either way, or if we should just leave it alone since we're not the ones planning it. I don't think separate showers are uncommon...so any advice or experience with how to handle the situation would be awesome.  Keep in mind that MIL will cause a HUGE stink about not being invited...but just to me and DH, no one else.  She also makes everything difficult and my mother is not a huge fan.    TIA!

 

 

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Re: MIL/shower help please

  • Mrs_mamMrs_mam
    I would include MIL on the invite list. We did for the wedding shower thrown in my mom's town knowing she wouldn't come (5 hour drive) but it's still a nice gesture. My mom has her on the shower list too even though we are pretty sure she won't come again- hopefully she will at least be courteous enough to RSVP this time though :)
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  • berry25berry25 member
    I think both mothers should be invited to any showers you have.  I don't think it's appropriate to have a baby shower when the MIL isn't invited, even if you know she can't make it.  It's a respect thing IMO.  I realize your mom "is not a huge fan" but it's really not about your mom - it's about their grandchild.
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  • HOLLYC81HOLLYC81
    Make it easy for yourself and invite her.   You'll only have to deal with her for a couple of hours.
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  • rockchalkbriderockchalkbride
    Why wouldn't you invite her?  Makes sense to have both grammies-to-be there, I'm sure your mom won't mind.
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  • The New Mrs.The New Mrs.
    For our wedding shower we made sure everyone in our immediate family (only) was invited to any shower anyone had for us. I remember when my brother and SIL had a baby shower that my parents and I (still young living with them) weren't invited to. It seemed odd and kinda hurt that here we are, family - grandma and grandpa and auntie - only 20 mins away, and we weren't included. So DH and I made sure all our immediate family was included in wedding showers and it worked out well. The same will be for our baby showers. If someone doesn't want to come, that's fine, but no one will be discluded. She's the grandma and will want to be there to share in the special moment of her grandbaby and son and DIL. Invite her and make sure to mention for her to invite your family to hers. If someone doesn't want to come, no biggie - at least they were thought of. And really, does it hurt to send out one more invite so Grandma can be there??
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  • kdee409kdee409 member
    I should have clarified that both our parents live in the same town...so she will definitely be there if she is invited.  Sounds like you had some fun times with your MIL also ;) I just keep wondering if since my mom is throwing the shower, should we be putting her feelings first and let her do what she wants? i don't want to be pushy about the shower but really need to stay calm and unstressed these days...constant calls from MIL asking uncomfortable questions isn't the way to go about that.  thanks again everyone!
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  • madonnadouwannamadonnadouwanna
    I'd have your mom invite your MIL.  Worst she can do is decline the invitation.  That sounds easier than dealing with a big stink later on.  Good luck!
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  • kdee409kdee409 member
    i guess "not a huge fan" was a big understatement.  lots of drama between the 2, but they are both adults and are both very excited for us and can't wait to meet our little one.  this was a quick decision...thanks for the advice and i think i will have to say something to my mom and make sure she's invited. 
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  • kdee409kdee409 member
    i'm usually just a lurker...only posted a handful of other times.  THanks so much for the advice!!! And so quick!  It's very comforting and much appreciated ;) Hope everyone has a good day!
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  • thenewmrsrussellthenewmrsrussell
    Just b/c she's throwing her own shower, she's not invited to the one your mom is throwing? That doesn't make sense to me. I think both moms should be invited to both showers.
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  • berry25berry25 member

    imagekdee409:
    I should have clarified that both our parents live in the same town...so she will definitely be there if she is invited.  Sounds like you had some fun times with your MIL also ;)I just keep wondering if since my mom is throwing the shower, should we be putting her feelings first and let her do what she wants? i don't want to be pushy about the shower but really need to stay calm and unstressed these days...constant calls from MIL asking uncomfortable questions isn't the way to go about that.  thanks again everyone!

    The shower hostess doesn't dictate the invite list - you do.  Obviously if she can't handle the number of people you want to invite, that is something you would have to work out together (for ex., if you are having more than one shower, you can invite friends to only one shower - but you should always invite the moms to both, IMO). 

    But the shower is for YOU, not her.  Typically the hostess either provides you with a list and you mention anyone who was left off/forgotten, or you provide the list yourself.  The mom-to-be always finalizes the list.

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  • BlondePrincessBlondePrincess
    If YOU decide that YOU want two separate showers, then I think you should invite her.  She is part of your family after all.  But for her to demand that she is throwing her own shower is completely out of line.  Good luck!
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  • krstokeskrstokes
    To be on the safe side invite the MIL... She may not show but at least she wont be able to start something about not being invited :)
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