Is it just this age (8 almost 9)?
taagent
member
I just don't know what to think. SD goes from normal to hysterics in 60 seconds flat. Last night I pushed it off as her being tired from coming home late although it was only about 9:30 and she has stayed up that late in the past without her drama, but I attributed it to that anyway. She and I talked and I got her smiling and laughing before bed and told her that the grumpiness needed to be somewhere else by the morning.
So, this am she got up and seemed to be fine. I told her to get dressed because there is a routine in our house (for children...not adults mainly because I get up and get her going and taken care of while still in my pjs) that she needs to make her bed and get dressed before breakfast (this is true during the week and on weekends unless it is a pajama day (where we all stay in pj's all day).
So she was in her closet for about 10 minutes and I told her she needed to get going, just pick whatever its the weekend. So she starts to tell me that the shirt she wants to wear is in the washing machine. I told her that it wasn't possible since it wasn't even in the dryer yet! She once again starts to get weepy. I can see her eyes getting red, and the tears forming. I told her that she needed to pick something else and she continues to get upset. She pulls out a jersey and all I say is remember you need to wear something under that shirt and she responds "I know!" with this attitude. At that point I closed the door and told her to take a seat because we needed to have a little chat. I sat in front of her and asked her what was going on because there was no need to cry about clothes or to get an attitude.
She starts to cry even more and said she didn't know why she was upset. I asked her if DH needed to talk with BM and figure it out and she said no. She said she has been getting in trouble at BM's because she is yelling at BM and her mom's boyfriend. I asked if it had to do with clothes and she said sometimes. The boyfriend tells her to hurry up and she gets frustrated. I asked if she needed to talk to her counselor and she said no, I asked if I needed to and she said no. I asked her if she throws a tantrum at BM's and cries if she gets what she wants and she said 'maybe' - kid code for yes!
I sat her on my lap and told her that unfortunately that will never work in our house. She will never get what she wants by crying or throwing a tantrum in life or in our home and she knows that. I told her that I love her but that isn't acceptable. She picked herself up and is now fine but holy mood swing! I have never seen her behave like that. I honestly don't know what to think. I hope this doesn't indicate what she will be like as a teenager!
She does sometimes pick out clothes before bed and we talked about that again.
Re: Is it just this age (8 almost 9)?
Sounds like she needs an earlier bedtime and less choices.
I don't know how your daughter is, but I can so tell when it's going to be a hot mess hand holding day. I give her a choice between two or three outfits and basically do that throughout the day. Instead of asking open ended questions, like what do you want for breakfast, try definitive ones like would you like Captain Crunch or cinnamon oatmeat?
Also try giving her a time limit. We use an egg timer a lot. So when we tell her, hey, you have 10 minutes to get dressed and come eat, she can see exactly how much time she has.
Also, when she starts to throw a tantrum, you have to use a phrase of your choosing with consistancy and stick to it. Ours is, "I cannot understand you unless you use your big girl voice. Come find me when you are ready." Then I walk out and give her the time she needs. You might also explain to her that if you can't understand her, you can help her. After you explain that a few times, the phrase is all she needs.
It really doesn't matter if you technically can understand her. Crying, whining or other hysterics is not an acceptable communication style. If she knows you won't listen to it, she'll stop using it.
Click me, click me!
She normally doesn't have this issue. She cops attitude at times and is told quite clearly to come back when she can talk in a better tone of voice. When she whines she is told to speak like a big girl that she is.
Her bed time was only that late because we went to the circus and she was perfectly fine until we got home and started with the melt down in the car. She knows if it happens again we will not be going anywhere with her that will keep her out late plain and simple.
It is the first time in a long time where she has regressed when she comes to our house. The more time she spends with BM the more I worry that it isn't good for her. I just wasn't sure if she is at an age where she will start to throw tantrums again or if this is something to be more concerned about.
T-- I'm with Mary. It could be early puberty... Time to have "the talk" with her about girls and this new function that is coming. Girls are getting their period earlier and earlier for some reason.
If you don't think BM will have that discussion with her, you might as well go for it.