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BM got herself "knocked up" again!

VintageSpiritVintageSpirit
in Blended Families

BACKGROUND: When BM dropped off SS after last visitation, she dropped him off at MIL's house...which she does frequently to shorten the distance she has to drive to return SS to us.  (No warning...we usually find out where he is when we call to find out where the hell she is!)  During the exchange she lets MIL, FIL, and SIL in on her big news...she's pregnant!  ILs bring SS to us in town and pass along the news.  This is how we found out. 

SS made a comment last night to DH about having two daddies soon just like he has two mommies.  DH has met this guy once...we're guessing he and BM have been together about 5 months (based on the disappearance of the previous BF).  DH is upset about BM not having the decency to give him the slightest heads-up about a situation that will significantly affect his son, especially since SS doesn't really seem to have a very good idea about what's going on, and we are left to fill in the blanks for him.  SS wants to know how his BM can be having a baby if she's not married (that was a fun! convo)...so we are wondering if he assumes the new BF is going to be his new daddy because they are having a baby together or if BM actually told SS she is getting married again (SS "can't remember").  Yesterday SS referred to me as "knocked up" like his other mom because apparently BM uses that phrase to describe her present condition. And NOW she seems to be hinting to SS that after her new baby arrives SS will probably get to come and live with her all the time instead of with Daddy.  (Ain't no way in hell a judge would even consider allowing it!)

In your opinion, does DH have the right (responsibility) to ask BM point-blank about her situation and near-future plans for the sake of being able to answer his son's questions?  Also, would it be out of line to ask her NOW about her plans for her summer visitation, since she will be having her baby smack-dab in the middle of her scheduled summer visitation with SS? 

Thanks for your input!

 

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Re: BM got herself "knocked up" again!

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    xmaryrickxxmaryrickx member
    I think it is fine to ask for clarification, your SS is entitled to know what is going on more than anyone else.
    I also think it is fine to ask whether or not plans need to be changed for the summer visitation schedule.
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    eschlickeschlick
    I think he should ask especially since your SS is under the impression he is going to have two daddies.  It is too stressful for a little one to have to be the one questioned and giving updates to parents.  We are in a similar situation where SS came over and said he was getting another daddy.   IMO if two people are raising a child together communications on changes that effect that child's life are important to share.  I don't think it is out of line to ask about the summer visitation either, might as well get it all out on the table.  GL!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
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    MimiUVIbrideMimiUVIbride
    I think DH should speak to his ex about her plans just so they are both on the same page when speaking to SS. 
    Misty & Victor Jr. Married August 5, 2006 - St. John, USVI BFP 11/1/09 - Natural M.C. 11/30/09
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    anniekhanniekh
    I absolutely think that he should ask her as opposed to trying to get information from your stepson.  No kid should ever be put in the position of trying to explain one parent's actions to the other, regardless of how the questions are phrased... kids are smart and will understand undoubtedly that they may have just gotten someone in trouble with their statements, and I think that's unfair.
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