Blended Families

Do we have to tell BM that I'm pregnant?

BM is working my nerves.  We have found out that she has called my sister-in-laws ex husband asking him if he knows if I am pregnant.  He does know but told her he had no idea if I was or not.  He said he didn't want to get involved with that crazy stuff.  She has also sent my sister-in-law text messages asking and she doesn't respond back.  She sent her one saying that SS told her that he was getting a brother or a sister and she asked if I was pregnant and he said he didn't know.  My sister-in-law saved the messages and showed us them yesterday.  Today when DH went to pay her the child support she asked him if I was pregnant and he told her that what goes on in our marriage isn't her concern.  She said that she has legal right to know if I am.  He told her that if it says in the court papers that she needs to know he will be more than willing to answer her question.  I've read over and over these papers and no where does it say we have to tell her anything.  Some of you might remember a post from a few months back when she came over and started kicking our doors and trying to get in and I had to call the police.  I think DH is trying to keep me safe since I'm here all day alone.  Should we just tell her or should we not answer her?  She always has to be in control of everything so I think she just wants to make me miserable while I'm pregnant.  Any advice about what we should do?

Re: Do we have to tell BM that I'm pregnant?

  • Common courtesy when BM is slightly sane? Yes.

    Legal requirement . . . hell the fluuk no. DH needs to tell her to mind her own damn business. The only thing you can't do is get SS to lie for you. But everyone else can stick to the standard line, "We aren't going to discuss our private affairs with you."



    Click me, click me!
    image
  • If you got along with her I would say sure but since you don't I would forget about it. I would just tell her that is none of her business...and she is full of *** saying that she has a "legal" right to know.
  • Loading the player...
  • Please see the post below titled "to tell". There are probably 5 of these per page of posts.
    Everyone one of those says tell her.
  • Just a thought - as she is crazy.

    Once she does find out (because eventually she will) please be careful.  I don't want to scare you, but I would be worrying about her stalking you or following you, etc....

  • She is going to find out sooner or later. I would not want SS to have to lie about it, so I say tell her and get it over with. If she is a real problem, think about a restraining order against her and maybe go to a friend or family's house while DH is at work, if possible.
  • Not telling her might drive her more crazy than if she was told.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Sounds like your BM is as nuts as the one in my life!  She knows you are...so let her just go on. Don't give her the satisfaction of thinking you HAD to tell her.  She gets her power from knowing she bothers you.  Let her squirm!  That is what I am going to do with mine. 

    Nice people deserve courtesy...crazy mean people do not!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    imagePregnancy Ticker
  • She already knows or wouldn't be so obsessed with the question now. She wants one of you to confirm it so then she can go all crazy on the teller.
  • We told BM before we told the kids, as we did not want to put the kids in a position to have to lie to their mother.  On the upside, my hubby's ex is usually civil, so I don't have your same concerns.
    BFP 1/19/12 No heartbeat at 7w4d 3rd dose Cytotec 3/1/12
    *PGAL/PAL Welcome*
    Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic 
     
    My Ovulation Chart

  • imagekiki4:
    We told BM before we told the kids, as we did not want to put the kids in a position to have to lie to their mother.  On the upside, my hubby's ex is usually civil, so I don't have your same concerns.

    Same here.

    If she were civil I would tell her, but since she isn't I would protect yourself from her crazyness.  Of course, in our state (Ohio) once the baby is born it can have an affect on BM's child support because DH's gross income goes down by the amount of the child tax credit.  So if your state is like ours she may need to know at some point.

  • If you told your SS then I would definitely tell BM.  We have not told her yet because we are waiting to tell SS until I am showing, and believe he should know first.  Right after we tell him we are going to tell his mom at the swap so she can help answer any of his questions.  However, as PP have said, it is a little different situation because she is civil and we all get along ok.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"