Is your husband a working father by choice?

AlisaS · January 2009

nft.

mgfit1 · January 2009

When I SAH I use to tease my DH about staying home and I would go to work...he's type A (as I am). I can't see him not going nuts staying home.....but he is a great dad and he would have fun with DS.

mrshutch · January 2009

Absolutely. I'm giggling trying to picture him staying home. He's so not the type! I'm not saying there's anything wrong w/ the guys who want to stay home- I think it's awesome. But I have the type of DH who's motivated and has to be working to feel successful and provide for his family. I also work b/c I really want to contribute, but I'm in the education field, so I get bummed sometimes that I can't contribute as much as him. At least I contribute in my own ways- taking DD to & from daycare, taking her to her appts., doing all of the grocery shopping, etc. and other errands.

AlisaS · January 2009

I see such a double standard here. You would never hear men say that they have "Daddy Guilt" and feel anguished because they HAVE to work to support their family.

But women do this to themselves. So unnecessary.

MrsDR1015 · January 2009

My DH would love to be able to stay home with DD. He likes what he does, but he loves being a dad. : )

mrshutch · January 2009

AlisaS:
I see such a double standard here. You would never hear men say that they have "Daddy Guilt" and feel anguished because they HAVE to work to support their family.

But women do this to themselves. So unnecessary.

Lol. I totally agree, especially that women do this to themselves. I know I do! I know some women have guilt about working and not being able to stay home, but my guilt is more about that I'm not in a field that's more lucrative. But again, I also have more flexible hours/better schedule than if I was working in one of those jobs. I do appreciate that my DH often comments that he likes that I work, and it's not just about the money. It's also about me feeling like I'm a better mom, and since both of us grew up w/ working moms, we feel it's a good example of DD. We'll be supportive of her regardless of what she chooses to do (including being a SAHM) but we like that she'll witness that women do have the option of having successful careers.

ali-1411 · January 2009

Yes. He loves his job, and he's completely a traditional male that believes he needs to be the provider.

That said, I never really had guilt about being a working mom. Since I quit my job my older son actually misses his daycare friends. I plan on going back to work once we relocate in a few months, and I'm looking forward to it. (But I am really enjoying my time as an unemployed slacker!)

MrsSledge · January 2009

No, we need him to work. We've talked about him staying home, but we aren't in a position where that's possible, and I don't think he would if he were able to.

MrsSledge · January 2009

AlisaS:
I see such a double standard here. You would never hear men say that they have "Daddy Guilt" and feel anguished because they HAVE to work to support their family.

But women do this to themselves. So unnecessary.

Ehh...some women do this to themselves. I don't. I like working. I like my child to be in daycare. I like her having friends and playing with others and me not having to go to a playgroup and make nice with people I probably won't like. I like being able to go shopping at lunch without dealing with tantrums, diapers, snacks and a sprinting toddler. I like the people I work with, and I like office gossip.

Mommee83 · January 2009

Actually, my hubby does stay home and I work because after we both lost our jobs it was easier for me to get a job that paid a higher salary. He was working as a chef, so I don't have to worry about dinner, not that I can cook anyway. He is an amazing father and is more domestic than I am to be honest and I'm jealous of that. We just moved back to DC, his hometown so he knows his way around, I have no concept of where I am going in DC being from VA so I didn't mind as much, but now that we just found out I am prego we may be switching up roles again. This time I want to stay home with the baby, he stayed home with our youngest children who are now in school full time.

weemodin · January 2009

Yes. We don't need his salary.

*sparky* · January 2009

Yes, we have talked about him SAH because I earn more money and work less hours, but he is very invested in his career and would never walk away from it. He doesn't feel guilty about working, but does sometimes feel guilty about the amount of time he spends at work - like when he doesn't get to see DS for an entire day because he went in early and stayed late, or when he has to travel.

flyer23 · January 2009

Yes, DH is a working father by choice. Before DD came, he used to say that he'd love to be a SAHD, but I brought that up as an idea a few months ago and he was like, "No way." Also, I've mentioned on a few occasions that I want to start saving now so that we can both take our full parental leave when #2 comes along (I get 12 weeks paid/8 weeks unpaid, DH gets 4 weeks paid/8 weeks unpaid) and he's flat-out said that he's not interested in taking his full leave, even if finances weren't a concern.

AlisaS:

I see such a double standard here. You would never hear men say that they have "Daddy Guilt" and feel anguished because they HAVE to work to support their family.

But women do this to themselves. So unnecessary.

AGREED 100%. I can go on and on about the double standard... how come I was asked whether I'd return to work after DD was born, but DH never got asked that same question? How come you don't hear about many dads taking paternity leave, even though FMLA covers them just like moms? (Heck, I used to live in California, where dads get partially paid paternity leave, yet you rarely heard about dads using it.) etc. etc. etc.

mrsnewlywed2005 · January 2009

yep.

TheMalleys · January 2009

No. DH hates his job, but we need him to keep working because we depend on his salary. I am sure he would be a SAHD in a heart beat if he could.

lisaNov3 · January 2009

TheMalleys:
No. DH hates his job, but we need him to keep working because we depend on his salary. I am sure he would be a SAHD in a heart beat if he could.

ditto this.
DH has said numerous times how he'd love to be a SAHD.

CanadianGurl · January 2009

I asked DH one day if he would still want to work if we won a huge lottery, and he said he would. He would start his own company up though. I don't think he'd want to stay home and take care of our kids full time.

JRMommy · January 2009

MH has a job that he loves and he is excellent at it. He works for THE top company in the industry and his job is the envy of most men. Unfortunately, since there is a long line of guys who would do just about anything to get his job, they can get away w/ crappy pay! Plus he travels for about 80% of the year.

The tour resumed this week and the staff was told they are all lucky to have jobs. He'll have his 1-on-1 in a couple weeks. If they don't significantly increase his pay (which we know they won't) he will be a SAHD come the end of Feb.

He is really excited about becoming a SAHD. He would feel totally fulfilled and not feel like a failure. Me, on the other hand, I'm not so sure I would be happy being a SAHM. I love my job and most of the people I work with.

MS will miss DC and his friends there. MH will also have a very hard time getting back in his industry. Even if he can, he certainly won't be starting at the top again. But MS absolutely adores him, and they have this incredible bond.

Financially we'll be better off b/c DC is $400/week (will be $800/week when #2 arrives) and it always costs money when you're on the road.

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