Legal Guardian ?
This is something that DH and I have been struggling with. We don't have a legal guardian for DS and it stresses me out no end.
So , do you have a legal guardian specified for your DC in the event something happens to both you and DH?
Who is it and why did you choose them?
Our situation is a little difficult. My parents live overseas. So does my single younger brother. Uprooting DS to live in another country would be a BIG concern for us. DH's parents live about 3 hours from us. They are much older and have significant health concerns. FIL has had 2 heart attacks, a stroke, had both knees replaced and has fallen asleep behind the wheel before because of his meds, and totalled the car. All in the last 3 years. MIL is just a little bit nutso.
DH has 2 brothers. Both single. One lives close by the other out of state. DS LOVES close by Uncle. Sees him often and is comfortable with him but I am no sure that he would want to take on the responsibility of something like this. If he would, I think that DH and I would be happy to do it. He loves DS too. The only issue I can see is that he is single and who knows what kind of woman he could possible bring into DS's life. Ideally we would like to choose a couple because then at least we sort of know what we are getting ourselves into.
Out of state Uncle is a little wierd. Great but wierd. Even DH won't contemplate asking him.
DS's Godparents live out of state too. They are practicing Catholics, like us and they have 2 kiddos of their own. Great people! DS doesn't really know them though and it would mean moving state for him.
We really don't have any other close friends or relatives that we would trust with this.
So we have no idea what to do. I don't want it to cause a rip roaring argument like it always has. DH wants it to be his parents. Or he did at last sparring match. Me, not so keen. Besides the health and general nutso status, they have a way of thinking and acting that is not only small minded, but offensive to me. They have not always been very nice. I don't want DS growing up with them in their small little town with their small minded idea about the world and how it works.
Please help Ladies. What do you think? An insight that you have would be great.
PS, sorry for the novel!
Re: Legal Guardian ?
We had 2 years of IF trying to conceive #2 and one loss during that time. We are currently trying for #3! had another loss the end of June
It took us a really long time to pick someone as well. We ended up picking my sister, even though we had a couple of concens about her. We actualy thought that my DH's step-sister would be a really good choice, but his sister and my sister mught have had a lot to say about that.
So, what helped us to decide was that the person we chose would love DS and do everything in their power to make them happy. My sister has a son that is just 8 months older than DS and that helped as well. She also lives in the some town as we do, which would mean less upheavel for DS.
There are a couple of arguments that I would make to your husband about his parents:
They are just simply not going to have the life expectancy of someone of your generation (regardless of health concerns).
As your son gets older he is going to have more and more ties to your community - are you going to want him to leave that?
Are they going to be able to physically take care of him - not just now, but later, i.e. be the little league coach, play catch in the yard, etc.
Ultimately, it's a really tough decision. There are pros and cons to everyone - maybe a list would help.
My parents are still quite young (in their early 50's) and primarily our children would go to them if something were to happen. I would love one of my siblings to take our children, but they are much too young to raise children--plus single. I really would like to mimic a family that we have with a mother and a father. If something should happen to them, my cousin and his wife have agreed to take our children. They have a 3 year old daughter and have similar values as we do. It was important that our children would be raised to know God.
It's a difficult decision, but my DH and I had our Wills drawn up right before our son was born. I hated to think that my son wouldn't have a definitive place to go right away if something were to happen. We have all of our money and assets going right to our children as well.
It's a horrible thing to think about, but so important. Talk to the uncle that your DS knows so well and see what he thinks or how he feels about the situation. My BIL asked my DH to be the guardian of his children before we were married (we just started dating) and he didn't even hesitate to say yes.
It sounds like single, close by uncle would be the best bet for you guys- have you brought the idea up to him, to see if he would be willing?
We chose my older sister. She recently got married, has a stable relationship with her husband, a nice home, will probably have just one or two kids of her own, and is very close to DS. We had a bit of debate when the time came around to make this decision, of course. DH wanted his older brother to be the LG. However, BIL is in the millitary, is getting deployed soon, and is planning on being career military- so, who's to say how often he's going to be around, etc. He's also not yet married (though he did recently get engaged). And, this is just my personal pet peeve- the dude curses like a sailor, and doesn't know how to censor himself around DS. I'd really prefer my kid not be known as the class curser! We didn't want to go with either of our parents, not because we don't love them or trust them, but mostly because of the age factor- our siblings are more likely to be around for quite some time.