Blended Families
Should I change my son's name?
My fiance has asked me a few times now if I will be changing my son's last name once we are married. Personally I have never thought of doing it before he asked me. I feel like it is kinda wrong to do it. My ex said he "won't have time" to see him for the next couple years because he is in school & needs to concentrate on it (he also moved down to Florida). I'm assuming that once he graduates & has a job & moves out on his own (lives w/parents right now) that he will still be "to busy" to have him for visits, or that he can't find a babysitter...etc. My son can't start kindergarten until he is 6, so I have a couple years to decide, but I still feel kinda iffy. I also want to be clear that my fi isn't pushing or forcing me in any way. He said he understands that this is my decision. What do you girls think? Is it something that you would ever do? Should I even care about it hurting my ex's feelings? Would this confuse my son? Tia.
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Re: Should I change my son's name?
And there you have your answer. He is the father, regardless of whether he is "dad" or not.
If he's not willing to sever his rights legally, never see his child again, and allow your husband to legally adopt him, you can't just "up and change his name." You have to go through the court system, notify the father (yes, you have to notify him and send him court documents) and go through the channels. If BF isn't willing, he can fight and he WILL win.
Honestly, how important is the name to how your DH feels as "Dad" to your son? Will it make that much of a difference to him? If your son's BF is out of the picture and he wants to make a willing choice to honor his SF by changing his name when he is older (it's much easier for son to do it on his 18th birthday since he's an adult and can make the choice without his BF's approval, btw, and do it as a gift to SF), isn't that a much better option for all involved? He won't be "forced" and SF will know it was his "son's" choice and not a fait accompli done when he was a child without his approval.
And, heaven forbid, if something does happen with DH, should your son have the name of someone who is "mom's ex" and not "dad"? Really? I speak from experience on this.
I have never thought of this situation, thanks girls! I will go with my gut & just keep his name. I do like the idea of him changing it when he is an adult as a "gift." if he chooses to. What!?? My baby is going to grow into an adult??. :: Goes into panick mode::
My DH has his step-dad's last name because it was his mother's last name when DH was born. She had divorced DH's step-dad married DH's dad, divorced DH's dad then re-married the step-dad and DH was raised by his step-dad.
Anyway, DH's dad was not in the picture when he was little, but came into his life later. He and his father do not have a father/son relationship now, but they do have a friend/friend relationship and they hang out. DH has said that he wishes he had his father's last name, but that he doesn't want to change his last name because he doesn't want to spend the money to go to court and he is used to having this last name since he has had it for 26 years.
I would not get it changed unless bio-dad gave up his parental rights and step-dad legally adopted him as his own son.
BM tried to go behind our backs and change my SS's last names to her current husband's and the state smacked her with a letter and said "No, no...you can't do that unless the bio-dad gives up his rights and your husband legally adopts them"...and BM knows we'd never let that happen and DH would never give up his rights to his own sons.