South Florida Babies

CIO Question

I haven't read up on this too much but Olivia is pretty much a happy baby. She grunts and groans and gets mildly fussy at times but we normally fix whatever is wrong pretty quickly. Does this mean she's getting spoiled? At what point do they begin manipulating us? ;) Should I be letting her cry if nothing is wrong? If you did CIO, why and what method did you use?

BTW, she pretty much sleeps through the night so it's not really a CIO question regaridng that. She goes down at 9:30-10 and will wake around 2:30-3 when I normally just go in and pat her and give her pacifier. Then she sleeps until about 5-5:30 when I go get her and bring her to bed, only to get a few more minutes of sleep and she usually eats around 6.

 Thanks and sorry to be loading up the Board today! :)

Re: CIO Question

  • When Sophie was Olivia's age I used CIO to get her to go to sleep when everything else failed. It was hard but it worked. If Olivia goes to sleep without a problem then I am not sure when you were thinking of trying a CIO method?

    If you mean not running to her the minute she starts crying when she wakes up or does not want to be in her swing anymore then I would say than is not exactly CIO and more just letting her know that its okay to cry, tears don't hurt, etc. If you are fixing each problem by picking her up and then she quiets - well... that is something you may want to curb especially if Olivia is going to start daycare soon (and even if she isn't, honestly, to make things a little easier on you). They cannot always run to pick her up the minute she starts crying. Sometimes, for many babies, crying is their instinct and they do not even know why they are doing it and after doing it for a few minutes they just stop when something else catches their eye. I would definitely try new methods of keeping her entertained rather than picking her up right away (if that is what you are asking).  

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  • Your baby is still too young to be spoiled or manipulative.  She does not get fussy for no reason.  She may just want to be held.  Babies need human contact just like adults.  Children to start to become manipulative until much later on.

    I don't advocate or practice CIO so I can't help you there.

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  • i agree with junehawk...i also do not agree wih CIO

    just my personal opinion though

     

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  • Babies actually start manipulating sooner than you think. At her age she's not quite there yet but she will soon learn that if she cries and you immediately come into her room she'll start crying to get you to come in when she wants to see you. I wanna say it can start as soon as 6 months with some babies. We did CIO, mainly needed it for naps and early on we needed it for bedtime because Mikey didn't want to go down. I only go into his room when he's been crying for a good 10-15 minutes. And its a cry where I know he needs me. You'll soon be able to tell the difference between an "I need you cry" and a "I want to see you cry". When he does cry enough that I go in I NEVER pick him up. I put tuck him back in, pat him on the butt, and off back to sleep he goes. CIO is all about assuring them that you are there and not letting them think that if they cry you will be there to pick them up for play time.
  • imageMrsJuneHawk:

    Your baby is still too young to be spoiled or manipulative.  She does not get fussy for no reason.  She may just want to be held.  Babies need human contact just like adults.  Children to start to become manipulative until much later on.

    I don't advocate or practice CIO so I can't help you there.

    Haha. I beg to differ. A 4 week old is not old enough to get spoiled but a 4 month old is pleeenty old enough. I was never of that mind set to think, "oooh she is too little to get spoiled" because I wanted to give my baby the benefit of the doubt and to me she was a lot smarter than others would give her credit for. She knew just what to do to make me jump to attention. Hell, I swore that by 8 weeks she had notes somewhere that she was following! ;-) 

    Never, ever underestimate the power of a baby's will to get things the way they want them - no matter how old they are. I think these are instincts that they are born with for sure.  

     

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  • I think you need to read the book if you want to do ferber
  • I never let Alexis CIO, it wasn't my style.  If she was crying because she wanted to be held, i didn't feel manipulated, I felt like I was a mom with a baby who needed to be cuddled.  So I did it.  I just couldn't listen to her crying herself to sleep.  I did not want  to teach her to fall asleep b/c she was alone and crying herself to sleep.

    With that said i did let her fuss and i did not go to her immediately.  She learned to fall asleep happily.  And now I put her down for naps and at night fully awake and she falls asleep by herself, she's been doing that since she was about 6 months old. 

    During non-sleeping times, same thing.  I'm ok with letting her fuss for a bit, but if she was full out crying then I would get her.  That is her only way of communicating.  Whether she is saying, I'm wet, uncomfortable, I want a hug, whatever.   I do need to get things done around the house and there are times when she has to just be patient and wait for me to finish washing dishes or folding laundry or whatever, even if she's upset, but i talk to her and let her know I'm there and I will be with her in a minute.

    Everyone has a different opinion about this and you have to do what works for you and what you're comfortable with.  
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  • imageMrsLeanna:

    I never let Alexis CIO, it wasn't my style.  If she was crying because she wanted to be held, i didn't feel manipulated, I felt like I was a mom with a baby who needed to be cuddled.  So I did it.  I just couldn't listen to her crying herself to sleep.  I did not want  to teach her to fall asleep b/c she was alone and crying herself to sleep.

    With that said i did let her fuss and i did not go to her immediately.  She learned to fall asleep happily.  And now I put her down for naps and at night fully awake and she falls asleep by herself, she's been doing that since she was about 6 months old. 

    During non-sleeping times, same thing.  I'm ok with letting her fuss for a bit, but if she was full out crying then I would get her.  That is her only way of communicating.  Whether she is saying, I'm wet, uncomfortable, I want a hug, whatever.   I do need to get things done around the house and there are times when she has to just be patient and wait for me to finish washing dishes or folding laundry or whatever, even if she's upset, but i talk to her and let her know I'm there and I will be with her in a minute.

    Everyone has a different opinion about this and you have to do what works for you and what you're comfortable with.  

     

    My thoughts exactly.

  • imageMellyMelB:
    imageMrsJuneHawk:

    Your baby is still too young to be spoiled or manipulative.  She does not get fussy for no reason.  She may just want to be held.  Babies need human contact just like adults.  Children to start to become manipulative until much later on.

    I don't advocate or practice CIO so I can't help you there.

    Haha. I beg to differ. A 4 week old is not old enough to get spoiled but a 4 month old is pleeenty old enough. I was never of that mind set to think, "oooh she is too little to get spoiled" because I wanted to give my baby the benefit of the doubt and to me she was a lot smarter than others would give her credit for. She knew just what to do to make me jump to attention. Hell, I swore that by 8 weeks she had notes somewhere that she was following! ;-) 

    Never, ever underestimate the power of a baby's will to get things the way they want them - no matter how old they are. I think these are instincts that they are born with for sure.  

     

    I think my child is pretty smart and she knows exactly how to get my attention already! ;-) Nadia already has a "come get me cry" and the second my face comes into her view she smiles big and stops the crying! ;-) I have never used CIO (she's way too young and I want her to know she can always count on me) BUT, I am not going to say I will never ever use it in the future... (only time tells certain things)... But I agree with Mel- babies ARE smarter than we think! 

  • As you can see, we all have different opinions on when it is ok to CIO. It's really up to you to decide! I personally did not let her CIO til she was about 7 months old. I just didn't feel comfortable doing it before then. And even now, I only let her cry 20 minutes and if she's still going then I check on her and let her know it's ok.
  • Thanks, ladies. It's nice to hear everyone's opinion and if I've learned anything about parenthood it's that you have to trust your instincts and go with them.
  • We have let Nicholas CIO during various stages of his from 4 months old until now.  My pedi told me at 4 months, it was okay to let him cry for up to 45 minutes, any longer than that causes too much air in their stomach and they get bad gas pains.  However, when he was very young, I only let him cry for 10-15 minutes at the most and that was during the middle of the night, so he would learn to fall back to sleep on his own. 45 minutes just seemed like way too long.

    At this age, we've had to let him CIO because he doesn't want to go to bed, he wants to stay up with us.  I've actually read that its okay to let a toddler cry for up to three hours, but the longest Nicky has ever gone is an hour and a half and thankfully that was only for two nights in a row.  Now he cries for 5 minutes or less when we first put him in his crib, then he lays down and goes to sleep. The middle of the night is another story at this age,but I won't go into that.

     And I agree with those who say that a very young baby CAN manipulate you. They know that they want to be held and that if they cry someone will pick them up.  Every mother wants to hold and soothe her baby, but you are not doing them any favors by not letting them learn how to fall back to sleep on their own. JMO

     

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