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1st Trimester
roxyu
member
Joint baby shower...gag!
roxyu
member
My DH's sister wants to throw a joint shower for me and my sucky SIL. I will only be 18 weeks-may not know what I'm having or even showing-SIL will be close to 7 months. DH's sister said I could just register for neutral stuff. WHAT! This is my first child so this is a huge deal to me. I appreciate that she even wants to throw a shower, but I think it's unfair to ask me to register for a bunch of sh*t I don't want (I want pink/blue) and be at my baby shower when I don't even look pregnant. My DH said I need to be nice and it would be easier for the whole family to do it at once. I am going to tell him that I don't want to do it, but I know everyone is going to think I'm being a b*tch, I'm not trying to be, I just want to have my own experience and even sucky SIL should have her own too. ::sigh::
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Re: Joint baby shower...gag!
You hit the nail on the head there....
That is sad! I would be upset. If your due dates were closer AND you were close with SIL in general then I could see it more. I would have DH stand up for you so you don't have to worry about what ppl would think? Sounds like some interesting family dynamics... Good Luck!
By the way, my MIL threw a wedding shower 2 days before our wedding (not my choice of date) for me and my SIL who had already married BIL 4 months before but some ppl had not attended. I understand those dynamics
Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
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I would not be happy about that! Especially because you will barely look pregnant- that's not as fun at all!?
Do you have a friend who could throw yours instead and then explain to your family that you are already being thrown one later on in the pregnancy and you would love if the family could attend that one? I mean, it would be months later! ?
Exactly why I'm torn.... I feel like I'm being selfish, but the other half of me says I have a right to be selfish on this one.
This is the family shower, and they live 9 hours away-but we would go there. My friends will throw me one here. I am fine with her not throwing one for me, but I know she feels like she should.
It's the Jewish in me?not tempting fate and all?that feels 18 weeks is WAY too soon to have a baby shower. Heck, most Jewish women don't have a baby shower (though I'd like one, but I know I won't get one).
I'd say something... you're not being selfish. It's just too early in your pregnancy to have a shower. Heck! I'm not even going to register until I'm 20 weeks?after I (hopefully) find out the baby's sex.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
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quote roxyu:------->"This is the family shower, and they live 9 hours away-but we would go there. My friends will throw me one here. I am fine with her not throwing one for me, but I know she feels like she should. "
i think that a joint shower would be just fine then if you are getting two showers haha--- i think you should def humor them and feel gracious that you are getting two- i will be lucky if i even get one! imo, it sounds a lil selfish if you opt out of a shower based on this new information-- you can always get gift receipts to exchange them and some places may even let you exchange without a receipt and just give you store credit (in which you will be able to get what you want then)---
it won't kill ya to get some neutral things (it may actually be better to put big ticket items on your registry that are neutral just incase you decide to have more kids- then you can reuse it-- and your family may be more likely to purchase those kinda things for you rather than your friends anyways).
I agree that it doesn't make it easier. You won't be seven months for awhle, so assuming they do another shower in a few months, it won't be a burden. I would also POLITELY stand up for yourself and just say that you would prefer to know the sex of the baby and have a shower while you are in your third trimester so you can plan accordingly...or say that if it is a big deal to the family, maybe having a shower (on that side) isn't necessary if it is a burden.
Why would your SIL want to celebrate her baby with you? Dumb.
I agree it stinks, but beggars can't be choosers. A lot of people get no shower at all.
Keep it to just family and hope that a friend offers to throw another later on?
She's a freak.
My SIL is one week ahead of me and from day one i said NO to any double shower stuff. For one I dont like my SIL and 2 this is my first child and I want to do things solo. Needless to say we had no together double shower. She had her own and I had my own.?
If I were in your shoes I would not want a double shower even more so. At 18 weeks I was hardly showing and I did not even register until I found out the sex. It sounds like having a double shower is just easier for them. However, if you are able to travel up there at a later date to have your own shower I dont see why that would be a problem. I cant see your SIL wanting to have a double shower either.
Your not being selfish. Just tell them that you do not plan on registering until you find out the sex of your baby. You greatly?appreciate their offer, but you do not want to have a shower this early. Or something along those lines. Good luck. Worse case your turn down the shower and they do not offer to host another for you. Personally I rather have no shower then just slap crap on a registry because its easy for everyone else.??
I don't envy your situation. It's always tough to decide what to do with family, especially in-laws.
My sister wants to throw a shower for me in the city where they live, which is 2 hours north of where I live. There will only be about 5 or 6 people there, just family, and I think it's crazy to have a shower with that few people. I asked her if she would throw me a shower where I live, but she doesn't want to do that. So, I either tell her "no thank you" or graciously accept her offer and just feel good that someone is doing something for me.
While I agree with PP's about sticking up for yourself and can certainly understand the desire to have your own shower, I think in some cases it might behoove you to take people's generosity for what it is and let them do what they want. If you cause a fit, they might end up not throwing you a shower at all, or throwing one and being bitter about it, which won't be as special.
I know it sucks to register for generic things, but maybe you can get some non-clothes items that are gender neutral such as bottles, warmers, a baby bath, stroller, medial items, baby monitor, etc. That way, you can still register for clothing later on when you find out the gender.
Are you planning to have any other showers - through friends, work, church, etc.? If so, then you will get to have a private shower that is special and only for you, and you'll save face with your in-laws. I have had to do it before, and although it isn't fun, it was worth it in the end for me. But, I guess it depends on how close to them you are and how you feel about keeping the peace.
I would not like that at all. 18 weeks is way too early for a baby shower isn't it?
and I agree that you both deserve your own shower. do you have someone on your side who could throw one for you later?
i would jsut tell your husband to talk to his sister and say thanks but it's just too early for us to do a shower at 18weeks.
Call your SIL and see what she thinks about the whole joint shower. If she isn't excited about it, maybe you could decline TOGETHER!
Other than that, I would get gender neutral stuff not clothes as a PP said.
GL!!
You're totally in the right. I'd just say "thanks, but it's too soon for me, I don't want baby stuff all around that early." Honestly, maybe I'm too nervous, but I feel like that isn't a good idea . . . it's past the 12 week mark, but it's still sooo early.
Easier for his family . . . honestly, you're pregnant, do they think that's easy?